I am an unwilling non custodial parent who pays child support through child support recovery. My daughter lives in Tennessee with her father and Stepmother. She is terminal. I am fighting with my ex to be able to see her. I am also batteling with him about her burial. I made arraingements a little over three years ago so I wouldn't have to face any of this now. Her burial is 100% covered by a life insurance policy. Now he refuses to allow her to come home to Ga and be buried. He wants her to be taken to West Virginia. I am highly opposed to this. What are my rights? We have joint custody and joint decision making rights. Please help me. We are running out of time.
Thanks, Brandi Luke

Your daughter is dying and you and your "ex" are battling over how/where she will be buried? The only more bizarre thing I've ever heard is when my late husband was dying and his children were fighting over his burial -

At any rate, go back to Court and get this settled. If you want to see her, go back to Court now. Your custody/visitation agreement should clearly spell out what your rights are - and support has nothing to do with visitation.

Maybe I'm missing some of the details here but, quite frankly, I am shocked - I am sure her father and stepmother have plenty on their plate right now and don't want to hear about this.

Or wait until she's dead and fight with him then.

And for the record - I buried a child.

Since she has gone to live with them they underminded every decision I have made. She went to live with them for insurance reasons. Ga decided to stop paying for her meds. I moved up there to Tn and had residential custody of her. Her father and stepmother kept me in children services weekly. My ex staked out my house and video taped my comings and goings. Every time I try to visit they tell me she is too sick or they have his family over. It is a mess and I agree with you! But I raised and cared for her alone for 10 of her 12 years. I made prior arraingments and he was invited to join in but refused. Since he has gained residential custody of her I have nearly been cut out of her life! This is unfair and at a time like this we should come together not fight! I just want her home where she spent most of her life and was happy and somewhat healthy here. Since moving in with her father her heath has greatly declined. We share joint decision making, why is he allowed to make this decision with out me!

I don't know why he has custody, I don't know what proof he had that allowed him to take residential custody - only the Court knows.

And only the Court can give you access and solve thiese issues.

He is making the decisions without you because apparently no Court is telling him he can't.

Why aren't you in Court NOW with an emergency petition?

I haven't the money to hire a lawyer!! Most want a $1000.00 retainer and $150.00 an hour. I have called over 20 lawyers in Tennessee. They all want more or less the same amount up front. My ex knows this and that is why he is manipulating the situation. Can I go this alone with out a lawyers help? If so, how?

First, as to attorneys. Try a local law school.. Many have clinics staffed by student that can help you prepare your case.

Second, What does your current order state exactly? Is there a specific visitation schedule, Alternate weekends, 2 evenings a week etc? If not, go back to the court and ask that a specific schedule be established so they will know when you will be coming and can schedule accordingly.

Its also unclear why they got primary custody.

If there is a fight over joint decisions ask the court to appoint a mediator.

Cayla was too fragile to move and my husband was transferred to another state. I tried to stay in Tn for a while and my ex kept me in trouble with Children's services. He staked out my house and videoed who came and went from my home. How many times I left both my children in the house to walk 25ft to the trash can. He even videoed me waiting in my car for the bus to pick up my youngest daughter on one of the coldest mornings of the year. Cayla was sleeping peacefully when I checked on her before I left and as soon as I got back I checked on her again. She is very medically fragile. Children's services finally told us that if they kept getting calls they would remove Cayla from the home. I couldn't afford to keep working while my ex was steadily firing nurses who stayed in my house. He manipulated every aspect of my care of her. I finally broke down and surrendered so she wouldn't be taken away from her family. I would rather her be with her dad than with strangers. Now he keeps me at an arms length away from her. I am suppose to get her or see her every other weekend, but he makes this impossible.

Again - and I'm beginning to sound like a parrot - GO BACK TO COURT!

In NY if you leave a "medically fragile" child for any period, it is neglect. Of course, that has little to do with anything. I've never heard CPS saying that they were interfere with custody based on phone calls, not on verified complaints, but apparently you have.

I don't understand how the father was able to fire Nurses who worked in your home and why you didn't go back to Court then.

Again - GO TO COURT AND GET THIS RESOLVED. YOU ARE WASTING TIME.

I have to echo what Judy has said. The only place to get these things resolved is in court. Keep a journal make sure you have all your evidence and present it to the court.

Thanks I appreciate the advice and I am googleing law schools in Cleveland Tn today!

You don't need an Attorney - the Courts are user friendly. File for relief and see if the Court has an Attorney available at a reduced or free rate.

You are awesome! Thank you sooooo much

Please let us know how this works out for you -

I will!

Just as a side note which has absolutely no place here -

I am keeping you and your child in my thoughts and prayers.

Thank you so much. I appreciate it very much!

I tried to get a court date for this matter, but Cayla died on August 29th at 11pm. He didn't call me until August 30th around lunchtime. Actually he texted me. By this time she was well on her way to West Virginia. I went to her funeral with lots of stipulations, and then we had a memorial in LaGrange, Ga. The following Saturday. Thank you for your help, but I was too late! Please continue to do what you do!
God Bless,
Brandi Luke

I'm very sorry for your loss.

I feel for you and your loss. I hope we provides some help and solace during your trying times.

Sorry for your loss. We have other sections here at AMHD. And they may be of help to you also at this time.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/death-dying/