I don't have a question just wanted to share my story so that the people in the break up 'tunnel' can hopefully see a silver lining :)

I spent YEARS in limbo with my ex staying in contact/ seeing him/ even sleeping with him because I loved him so much and couldn't let him go.. I can't explain the misery that I went through I knew it was never going to work but I couldn't bare the thought of not having him in my life.. I posted on here but can't remember my username.password now and even though people would tell me to go no contact it didn't matter as I needed to make this decision on my own.

One day I finally made this choice and changed my number.. I am now in a relationship with a guy who is amazing and we are crazy in love and I can't tell you how happy I am! The thing is that I never would have got to this point if I had stayed in contact with my ex.. I could've never opened my heart to this new awesome guy if I had my ex there in the background tainting it and confusing me..

So I just wanted to say that I am proof that no contact is really the best way to go when it comes to these things! Hope this helps :)

It's wonderful that you let us know that No Contact really does work! (People don't believe it will.) I hope you will have a very happy future with your new guy.

Hi that's a very inspiring story , I think it does work, people say when they've been dumped, "oh my ex is ignoring me , why ?" well , to be fair , their actually doing them a favour, its no good being "friends " after a break up , it never works , years down the line is pretty pointless too, I look back at my ex wife of 10 yrs and wonder why I ever married her, we've absolutley nothing in common, Ive been divorced 10yrs now from her and have dumped and been dumped since, I'm with someone now who I wouldn't trade for anyone, I met her 12 months ago after being dumped, initially I had rebounded, but we both realised this but liked each other very much, so we took it very slow but consistent, sex wasn't the major prority for the first couple of months, one because Id just had the snip and secondley I didn't know where I was emotionally, I knew I didn't want my ex back (who incidentally moved 5 doors down from me this may lol ) it was the second time she had dumped me in 2 years , both times to go back to her ex, this time instead of hanging about , I thought " stuff it" and moved my life on,we had no contact till she moved 5 doors away, now I just say "hi" to her, I don't have anything else to say to her really and as long as she leaves me alone all is well.
I still visit these forums , I like to read the posts , glad to hear some things do work out.

Thanks for your story. We all knew that no contact is the only way to go in many cases, and you are proof positive that it works.

Good for you. Life does indeed go on.

Love, or at least what we THINK is love, can make us do some strange, desperate, things.

We think that we simply cannot go on without that person in our lives. And heavens forbid they ever touch another. We keep in pathetic contact, hoping for some crumbs of attention, some leftover affection.

And when we find the real "one", we look back at how silly we were, and how much time we've wasted.

I'm glad you came back and shared your story. Go find happiness in your life.

You go girl

Yeah I look back now and I'm like wow I can't believe how much time I wasted on that guy! But then again everything happens for a reason right and everything that happened got me to this point of appreciating my now boyfriend so much I know I'll never take him for granted because of what I went to through..

Don't get me wrong I do sometimes wonder how my ex is and whether he has been trying to contact me as I haven't even bumped into him since.. But I know that I can't be friends with him not yet anyway.. It's kind of annoying at times though because he is in the public eye where I'm from and I have to see him on TV etc but it doesn't bother me so much anymore..

It's just funny how I thought that what we had was 'true love' lol and I thought that I would never feel the same for anyone else again... But what I have with my boyfriend now is so much stronger on all levels.. mentally/ physically/ emotionally...

Awesome!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by silverlining

Don't get me wrong i do somtimes wonder how my ex is and wether he has been trying to contact me as i havent even bumped into him since..

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We all do with exes. When that happens I think of In My Life by the Beatles.

Isn't it so eye-opening? I had a reaction like I turned lead into gold the day I realized I was finally over my ex through NC.

Yeah it's an amazing feeling! And the sooner you do it the sooner you can finally get over it.. But you have to be in a certain mindset where you have actually decided that that's it and there no turning back.. Because I tried the no contact thing a few times with this particular ex without changing my number and when he'd contact me my feelings for him would make me weak and I would feel bad if I didn't respond?? How weird.. lol.

So pure NO CONTACT is really the only way to go... Since I changed my number I have no idea if he has tried to contact me and ignorance really is bliss in this case haha :)

I had a set back last night! Hoping someone can talk me through this.. For the most part I have completely moved on from my ex.. I have had absolutely no contact with him for the last 6 months.. Changed my number, blocked him on Facebook etc. I'm in a new relationship and am so in love with my boyfriend.. I believe he is the one and I know I will marry him.

BUT

Every once in a while I think about the stupid ex! Ahh.. The thing is I don't think that it's him. I don't miss him anymore I'm just still hurt by the situation and what happened. Basically we dated for about 8 months or so before we broke up but for the next year and a half we still kept in contact/ saw eachother/ hooked up (big mistake) Even after he started going out with someone else.

When I met my boyfriend now I decided I didn't want that anymore, it was obviously going nowhere and there's only so long you can live in denial. I was sick of the lying too. So I told his girlfriend and was done with it. I knew that that would end all contact between us. The thing is I came off as the bad guy and they are still together which is fine like I said I am really happy with my boyfriend.

It's just when I have to hear these little updates like last night I go on Facebook and (completely random) through a status update from a friend I find out they are going on holiday and this bothered me.. It's not because I want him though more like, what did this girl have that I didn't that it seems he loves her? Lol maybe it's an ego thing? I know I'm rambling I just needed to get this out..

I guess my questions are.. Was it wrong to tell her? I feel like maybe I shouldn't have sometimes.. It seems girls(people) believe whatever they want to believe..

He cheated on me while we were together and then cheated on her with me.. and it annoys me that he keeps getting away with these things and comes off as this 'good' guy?

I don't even know why this bothers me..

I have to be honest, I don't think you're over you ex at all. If you were, none of theis would bother you.

Also, this is unfair to your new boyfriend, I mean how would you feel if the shoe was on the other foot.

You need to be honest with yourself, before you can commit to another relationship. If this is an ego thing, then you really need to get over it.

When you get into a new relationship on the rebound, this sort of behavior that you have exibited is common. So you need to ask yourself "is this new guy really the one?", or are you still bitter over the breakup of the last one, and maybe you even hope to get him back.. Your new boyfriend deserves you full attention, so erase the old one from your mind if you truly have moved on.

No that's the thing. For the most part I'm fine I don't think about it.. It's just when I saw this stupid update last night?

It's not him it's the situation of how it happened that I think about..

This can be looked at from both sides, in a way you look bad because you were the one to tell his girlfriend and for all you know he may have developed a way with words or maybe used some form of "whod you believe my ex or me " I'm only 20 and have never really been in anything like that but from my vast experiences, yeah I hate it when people like that get away with it while the real good people are out there getting treated like ****.

I have to be honest.. did you expect to come off as the good guy with telling his girlfriend what was what? The thing about being that girlfriend in 'that' relationship is that no matter what he says.. he will be right. Because to be honest.. from their little world, you're the vindictive ex who just wants to get one over.

We do believe what we want to believe, I myself consider myself to be right 99.9% of the time.. that other .1% well.. it was just obviously an oversight. We react emotionally, in my opinion, to situations and very few women I know react logically. Although I do try to fathom the idea, logic and reality doesn't set in till later, when you get that pang of.. 'crap.. wish I'd thought of that earlier' moment.

He obviously has an issue with being faithful in a relationship, you've made it known and eventually in time she'll also know. Let her sow her own seeds now and be you in xx amount of months / years time.

Time to let go.. delete his sorry butt off Facebook and let it go. You've got better.. be honest and truthful with yourself and your current boyfriend and move on. You've made it this far and you acknowledge what you have.. don't lose it to petty vindictive emotional ties.

Hindsight.. it's a wonderful thing.

Thank you for your replies.. Oh I've deleted everything a long time ago.. Facebook.. Changed my number and didn't give him my new one it was the only way.. Otherwise he'd always get in touch every week or so and mess with my head!

Well no I guess I didn't expect to come off as the good guy lol but I didn't think that he'd get away with being this perfect angel... once again! But it's funny because of course she believed him.. I did too.. It's just I wonder if he has finally changed his ways?

Who knows.. I just hate everything he put me through! But then again I can't completely hate him because everything that happened made me the person I am now and lead me to my boyfriend now..

I am a firm believer.. everything happens for a reason.. good, bad or indifferent.

And it certainly moulds us into what we are today. Defining that mould really is up to us now and the paths we choose.

<insert forum hug for silver>

Don't hate.. let him be the biggest loser of all.. and the best thing is.. he does it all by himself.. /whose a clever boy now :)

You know, being in a relationship that is hurtful and was tough to get over might always effect you. Even if you have a perfect life, it will still effect you. In my opinion, its normal. But you need to learn ways to rid yourself of it sooner than later..,.

What I see as the problem, is that you have to let go the control he had. You seem to need to see him hurt, or see him reap his Karma. And only then will you feel good about the situation? You need to work on letting go of the crapola you went through, and wash it away! I think it is normal, I just wish you would have done it a long time ago. Sometimes you can not just "move on and forget." You need to do some work to rid yourself of the pain. And now is your chance... work on you...

And it doesn't seem to be that long ago that you were in contact, so each time you over hear something, it will be less and less emotional. But I think all this time you have put it out of your mind, ignored it, and then BAM! It popped back up because you did not take care of your emotions.

About telling her... you did what you did... it really doesn't matter... both telling and not telling would have been OK. Again, you want to see him suffer... and lets work on that... moving on and letting him just be. You learned a lot from him. So take that and move on.

Maybe others have some ideas how to do this??

It has definitely been a long process for me to get over him.. and a long long time passed before I ACCEPTED that it was never going to be and this was actually 6 months ago when I made the decision to let go. And I have I can honestly say I don't want him back or anything like that it's just when I saw that on Facebook I don't know it still has some effect..

I guess there are lots of phases that you must go through in this process.. I hope one day I do reach a point where I am completely indifferent and don't care about his life at all.. I think the main thing about this is how hurt I was by this situation for so long!

Now in the aftermath thinking clearly it's like a lost my freakin mind to a certain extent lol. I compromised so many things in the sake of my 'love' for him.. Which now (with what I have with my current bf) I see wasn't REAL love but it was the strongest thing I had fealt up to that point..

But again I have learned so much about myself throughout it and feel like I've matured? Lol. As in I know now what a good relationship is and will never take my current boyfriend for granted..

Yes, you are doing the right things. And you are also right that it is a process. 6 months may not be long enough to go through all the stages. In therapy, they describe them as Denial, Anger, Bargaining(what cound I have done differently), Depression, and then acceptance. You may not be done grieving, not only the loss and hurt, but being hard on yourself.

You are doing all the right things. Just do more to heal... :)
You are strong. I, in the past, have not been so strong. I have learned the hard way.

Nice vent, that's what your supposed to do when things trigger old feelings from the past. Stay busy and on your path and let the feelings fade with time. You have a happy life now, so don't be distracted by this glitch.