Is my boyfriend emotionally abusive?
I instinctively think I AM in an emotionally abusive relationship, but it's REALLY difficult to swallow. I'm afraid everyone will tell me "just get out now"~ which is sound advice, but hardly descriptive enough. Here's some background information:
We met one year ago. He's from Armenia, and his culture and views on family were so interesting to me mainly because the relationships I've been in never work and my family isn't exactly close. Anyway, we professed the status of 'soul mates' and felt this (what I thought to be) inextinguishable passion for each other. I was free and happy then: he was fascinated by me blah blah blah. He then began to share with me how, by being with me (an American woman who ISN'T a virgin) would destroy his respect back home. He then began teaching me how to present myself: be more elegant, not wear revealing clothes, not talk with boys, etc. It really felt as though he was helping me. Of course, he would get angry when I did things he didn't approve regarding clothes or interaction with customers at my job.
Okay: so we had this long distance relationship for 7 months or so: I wasn't allowed to hang out with people late: no drinking: no boys: which, really, was great advice, but it felt (and still feels) like I'm not doing these things to avoid his anger). He eventually moved to my state and pushed the subject of starting a new business with some money I came into... eventually we moved 3000 miles away from my home.
So now I'm here, living with him. I do all of the cleaning/laundry/cooking-- and if I don't or if I express that I'm tired (I pay all the bills and work two jobs on top of this) he mocks me. I eventually feel guilty for complaining. I'm so uninterested in sex: and this angers him. He pushed me away in bed this morning when I said no~ and he acts irritated (I guess I would be too). I haven't gone anywhere in this new town, and haven't made any new friends. He has though--- he goes out from time to time: although I'm never invited... and if I ask what he did, he tells me "it's not interesting for you."
I'm rambling at this point: I really haven't been able to talk with anyone, mainly because I'm so ashamed for so many reasons. I allowed this control to happen... or I'm unable to be this super woman he's looking for at every turn. In our arguments he now tells me "you're not who I thought you were"-- and other really hurtful statements.
Ultimately, I know I need to end this, but I don't know where to start. I've tried before, and he just comes back, or I cave in, or SOMETHING. All of his stuff is here and he has no where else to sleep... and he's really mean when we fight... as if I'm disgusting. If I bring up my issues with him, he asks in annoyed tone "what do you want? WHAT do you want from me?" and I never have a good enough answer... I want understanding? I want to maturely talk about this? After our arguments he seems to give up after all my tears and does a 180 for about a week until I don't press a shirt properly or make the bed.
Rambling: I just want to know the best approach for ending this. I don't want to accuse him to point fingers... because it took two people to get into this mess... and I feel as though I am partially to blame. Any help is appreciated. Thanks for making it this far.