I'm leaving for college in less than a week, and everydady have been waking up and starting to clean and pack right away, but there is still much to do. I also have mono, and am supposed to be resting. My parents get mad at me and yell if I am not cleaning nonstop. They also won't let me see any of my friends before I leave if imy room isn't absolutely perfect, which is hard to do... pleasing them I mean. Then my dad started saying how if its not up to his standards, he's just going to go throuh all of my stuff and decide what needs to be thrown out, WHILE I'm at school. I feel like this is an invasion of my privacy. And they don't let me make any of my own decisions. They treat me like a little kid. I try to talk to them calmly, but they're so pigheaded, I end up getting upset, then yelled at for having an attitude. I don't know what to do. Help.

Speaking as a parent who won't even go into my teenagers' room, (I stand at the door and try not to breath too deeply), this does sound a bit excessive.

It's possible they are stressing about you going off to college and are taking it out by being anal about the room cleaning, but it's tough for you.

What about drafting in a couple of your friends to help you clean and sort out what has to be packed for college, what should be kept, and what can be tossed?

Also, would it be worth getting one of their friends who has children to intervene? Sometimes a parent can develop tunnel vision about his own child, and needs to talk to someone else to remember what is reasonable.

They don't listen to anyone. My friends mom has tried to reason with mine in the past, and now they won't even speak to each other. Also my best friend and I reallly need to see each other. We haven't seen each other in like two weeks and I'm getting ready to leave, and she offered to come over and help me clean, but my mom got pissy when I mentioned it. I have plans for lunch with a friend Monday and they most likely will have to be cancelled. But my parents keep saying "dont blame us and make us out to be the bad guys. youre the one not getting the chores done."
They don't realize how stressed I am. I understand they're worried about me leaving and stuff, but they won't let me live my life.
I took a break for like an hour yesterday, and my mom came in and threatened to take my computer if I wasn't cleaning...

Wow. Unreasonable is an understatement . I am sorry you have to deal with all this. Truthfully... this does not look like there is going to be much else you can do but look forward to getting away soon.

BUT (and that's a big but).. Parents will tend to get brain cramps and lose a lot of reasoning ability when they realize that their kids are not kids any more.
I did.

It is hard to explain but they may think they are helping by showing you how it's going to be when you're on your own.
They might think it's tough love.

We know it is misguided and hurtful love.

I don't know how to tell you to reason with unreasonable parents.
I understand you tried to have meaningful communication, which is the exact right thing to do.

I wish I had a foolproof answer for you but I don't.
Hopefully you will find a way to communicate with them and settle things down a bit.

I wish you all the luck in the world at school.
And I am not giving up just yet. I am going to work on this and return

Yes, I think they've crossed the line into unreasonable. At this stage, just try to grit your teeth and endure until you go to college.

For the record, I believe chores are things that are done for the family, like putting out the bins, washing the dishes or putting away laundry. Yes, those things have to be done. Someone old enough to go to college should be able to set their own standards for their own room, as long as it doesn't get bad enough to be a hazard to the rest of the house.

This may just be nervousness on your parent's part. From your other threads there does not seem to be a problem with them any other time.
It could also be angst on yours. Maybe you haven't got as much done as you think and next week is coming up soon. It's quite common for parent and kid to butt heads before they leave for college.
You'll be gone in less than a week. Suck it up. You'll be in your own space soon.

As a parent I was pretty anal about how rooms were kept up. I did not want dirty smelly rooms in my house. Teaching my daughter how to keep her room was also teaching her how to keep her own home. She saw my point when her college room mate was a pig and when she had friends come to visit they would talk about her room-mate something terrible.
The way I saw it. She had a room in my house and it was not to be a pig sty. Clutter I could deal with, nasty is a whole different animal.
Not saying this is how you are, buy you will be gone soon, deal with it. It will train you for the real world when things will not be your way, when you will have to do things you don't feel like doing, when you may have a roommate that is a slob and you have to deal with that.

Well how do I keep them from going through my things when I'm gone. I don't really have anything specific I don't want them to see, other than like letters I've written but never sent, yet saved... or diaries or something.. personal things that I know they'll snoop through

Sort out your stuff, and either take the personal letters and diaries with you, or destroy them. You'd be mad to leave diaries etc anywhere near your parents. And I'm speaking as a parent!

In fact, this is a good opportunity to sort out your stuff into what's good and should go with you to college, and what should go into the next charity bag. Make a list of all the new things you'll need so you have clothes and kit to fit the image you want in college.

Don't forget, college is your chance to re-invent yourself as the person you want to be. No-one knows you, you can be the confident life-of-the-party or the assured intellectual or whatever you fancy. And with a bit of luck, it will stick enough that when you go home again, you can deal with your parents as an adult rather than a naughty child.

How long has this "room cleaning" been going on for?

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Originally Posted by redhead1992

well how do i keep them from going through my things when im gone. i dont really have anything specific i dont want them to see, other than like letters ive written but never sent, yet saved... or diaries or something.. personal things that i know theyll snoop throuhg

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Then now is the time to get in gear and clear your things out which I would imagine is what they want you to do anyway.
I doubt they will go through your things when you leave.

So all I really have left to do is clean out my desk so my sister can have it. And my best friend offered to help and my mom agreed. But then she proceeded ot tell me that if my room is not up to her standards by the time I leave, then when I come home I won't be allowed to leave the house at all. I understand that it is her house and she can decide how clean my room has to be. But what do you guys think about her not letting me visit my friends when I come home on break (I will be turning 18 over break)

To an extent, it's her house, her rules. But it might be worth asking her is she setting standards for you that she would think were unreasonable for an adult friend of hers?

I think that is kind of ridiculous.
Has she always been that way?
Don't worry about that, you'll be gone off to college now so concentrate on that.
I wish you a good year.

Just move out for good. Then they can't say "Under my roof my rules" Cut your losses and be independent. You are starting your own life now.

I can't move out. I have no job. Nowhere to go. And I'm living on campus anyway. So what would I do with my stuff in the meantime? That's ridiculous

redhead1992 you just hang in there. You'll be leaving for school soon. Don't worry about what's going on at home.
Things will work out.
Are you all ready to go?

Bring private stuff with you to school or get rid of it yourself. I would not leave personal letters or journals behind. As for dealing with their controlling nature, you are leaving from school - bear up a few more days and then you will have the space you need. IN the meantime, compromise - have your friend come to your house to visit while you get stuff done in your room.