I'm 34 ,male live in sacramento ca.ive been with girls that have messed me up in my past now it affects my present relationship.I am jealous of her ex and now of her co worker.I beleave she's attracted to him and still loves and wants her ex.I try not to be this way how do I stop before I lose her.

I would suggest you find a counselor to help you deal with this.
Unjustified jealousy is a relationship killer for sure.

Professionals know how to approach and deal with these things.
Also the time factor of face to face communication is a big plus.

Also try to communicate better so are not guessing about feelings.
Ask if there is still some attraction, but gently and diplomatic.

Be honest about you problem with jealousy and she may be a big help.

I honestly think counseling would be the most beneficial thing you can do right now.

I know what it is like to be hurt and build a wall that makes it hard to trust... however set your mindframe that she is not the people in your past and deserves a fair chance... you cannot treat her as though she is someone you have been with before.. its not fair to punish her for things she hasn't done... I know how you feel... but don't be untrusting until you are given a reason to be such... and I would agree it might help to talk to someone about your trust issues.. but you are going to push her away and you cannot justify your actions...

Why don't you start by letting go of past hurt, and disappointments. Realize that this is a whole new situation you're in, and THINK, before you speak, or act, with FACTS, and NOT feelings.

The more you practice, the easier it will get, and you won't have to apologize for impulsive, misplaced feelings, that push a partner away. Be patient with yourself, as positive change takes time.

It is, in my opinion, about insecurity. Usually it shows more obviously in relationships, but being insecure about that which you should be most secure, usually indicates an overall lack of confidence, in many major aspects of living. Job, friends, maybe narrowing down your activities, muffling any drive or desire to get that promotion, or live a dream.

The person you should feel most secure about, is the one you are having a relationship with. The one who is trustworthy, loyal, honest, loving, and committed. Feeling insecure about that, does not bode well with other aspects of life. What it does is invite suspicious thoughts, irrational behaviour, and conclusions based on fantasy. While you are continuously looking for reasons not to fully invest emotionally and otherwise in your partner, you are also eroding the relationship itself. This becomes far more than just being suspicious, it becomes a negative way of thinking, that will affect you to a point eventually, where she could say, "I'm going to the corner store for a loaf of bread", and it becomes in your head, translated into, "she's really going out of range of me so she can call her ex boyfriend to meet her behind the bandshell in the park for a quickie at 7 p.m.".

What you have is a symptom of mistrusting another human being, probably without merit. There is nothing to back up what you think you have correctly presumed about her actions. You are creating a problem here, because you do not see her for the person she is, but the person you think she is becoming. And it is all negative.

History has a way of repeating itself. Many say that they've lived through broken relationships because they 'suspected' a partner was cheating, or that they 'never told the whole truth', etc.

If you can get a grip on why you feel insecure with your partner, and change your thinking with the help of counselling, you may find a far better relationship, and a far healthier relationsihp, in the long run.