Ask Me Help Desk - Whenever my siblings are around, my mom acts like she hates me..

Hi y'all :)

OK.. so it probably sounds really weird.

My brother lives in California and my sister lives in india (they are 23 and 25). I live in austria with my parents and I'm 17. They both come home sometimes. Like 3 times a year. And every time one of them is home, my mom gets mad at me for no reason. All the time. For example, somebody did something wrong, she yells at me without even knowing who's fault it was. Whenever I try do make her happy she doesn't react. Don't get this wrong, I love my mom, but I just don't know what I should do when my siblings are here. I'm not jealous or so.. okay I am jealous. Sometimes. Because she acts like she's SOO proud of them (my sister runs an orphanage in india) and I feel like everything I do is so wrong and useless. And all the people in my town love my sister for what she does. Do you guys have any idea what I could do about it? AND talking to my mom is not a good idea. I've tried that many times and all she did was yell at me for being ungrateful. I'm not ungrateful at all. I'm really polite and help whenever I can. Please tell me what to do! I have tears in my eyes everyday..

Thanks xoxo

Okaii... I no it sounds like to simple as an answer but its probably because she misses them, she may not show to you that she does but sometimes mums put a brave face on things. Im sure she is very proud of them but she will be equally as proud of u. I suggest u do what u feel is right to do, don't argue with her but when she acts like this again... tell her and you can both work on it xx Sorry if this isn't much help x

We all go through that "mom hates me" stage. It's like this, you are at home and she see's you and knows you're safe and she wants you to do this or do that.

Ask your older sister if the same thing happened when she was 17?
She'll tell you yes. Moms have a way of trying to mother hen and it's OK because we are the moms.

When you go away to college you will find you miss this sense of mom being there. You'll see, your mom loves you as much as she does your siblings. You are her baby girl.

It is a very happy time when the kids come home to visit. Especially when they're not moving back in because they're broke.

And your mom sees you every day so you will be brushed aside (not in a mean or angry way, it's more like "get out of the way you're bothering me)
It is parental negligence due to excitement , only temporary and not fatal for anyone.

And if you are the youngest, I'll bet your elder siblings have stories of how you were the one who got all the attention and while they were "neglected " and pushed aside.

But seriously it is hard to deal with being mistreated for any reason. And harder still if you feel it is for no reason.

It is a parental flaw that I caught myself doing.
My daughter that lives in N.Y. comes to visit.
I act like your mom towards my youngest son, being short tempered and ignoring him.

I made the mistake of assuming he understood I love all my kids to the extent that you can't love anyone any more. And I was excited to see her so I lavished all my attention her way until he asked me, "Dad , do you love all the girls more than the boys?"
Dad has his eyes opened with that one and developed the habit of telling my kids how much I love them instead of assuming.. anything.

It isn't fair when parents do this, but it presents you with the opportunity to show you are mature enough to handle it. And mature enough to discuss it with out arguing.

Have a talk with your mom and tell her you feel neglected and pushed aside.. BUT you understand why she is distracted and treating you with less consideration than you deserve. Then offer to help her with anything you can do.
I think that will get your point across in a way you both will be able to deal with,

The only thing your mom may love more than you , will be the grandchild you may give her some day.

I wish you well.

Thank you so much for your quick reply Kitkat22 and martinizing2!

I really appreciate your answers!

However, there's one more question about the jealousy thing. All the people in my town ADORE my sister. Whenever they see me, they ask 'How's your sister. She's just so amazing.. ' I ABSOLUTELY love my sister and I really look up to her, because of the orphanage thing, but I get really sad when I'm in town and everybody expects me to be like her. Once, a teacher said (actually, she yelled because we got into trouble) 'WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE LIKE YOUR SISTER?? ' I ran out of class and cried the whole day. I didn't say anything to my parents or to my sister about that incident. I often have a feeling that I'm not as good as her.. you know.. And the only thing she talks about when she's home is the orphanage and she shows off A LOT. And when she talks some people get me this 'Uhm what are YOU? -look'.. :(

But thanks again for your answers. They made me really happy. THANKS!

Xoxo

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxo92

Thank you so much for your quick reply Kitkat22 and martinizing2!

I really appreciate your answers!

However, there's one more question about the jealousy thing. All the people in my town ADORE my sister. Whenever they see me, they ask 'How's your sister. She's just so amazing..' I ABSOLUTELY love my sister and I really look up to her, because of the orphanage thing, but i get really sad when I'm in town and everybody expects me to be like her. Once, a teacher said (actually, she yelled because we got into trouble) 'WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE LIKE YOUR SISTER????!' I ran out of class and cried the whole day. I didn't say anything to my parents or to my sister about that incident. I often have a feeling that I'm not as good as her.. you know.. And the only thing she talks about when she's home is the orphanage and she shows off A LOT. And when she talks some people get me this 'Uhm what are YOU?! -look'.. :(

But thanks again for your answers. They made me really happy. THANKS!!

xoxo

In a few years they'll be saying the same thing about you!:)

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxo92

I hope so :)

They will. You'll be the one who everyone says all these things about

Quote:

Originally Posted by xoxo92

Thank you so much for your quick reply Kitkat22 and martinizing2!

I really appreciate your answers!

However, there's one more question about the jealousy thing. All the people in my town ADORE my sister. Whenever they see me, they ask 'How's your sister. She's just so amazing..' I ABSOLUTELY love my sister and I really look up to her, because of the orphanage thing, but i get really sad when I'm in town and everybody expects me to be like her. Once, a teacher said (actually, she yelled because we got into trouble) 'WHY CAN'T YOU JUST BE LIKE YOUR SISTER????!' I ran out of class and cried the whole day. I didn't say anything to my parents or to my sister about that incident. I often have a feeling that I'm not as good as her.. you know.. And the only thing she talks about when she's home is the orphanage and she shows off A LOT. And when she talks some people get me this 'Uhm what are YOU?! -look'.. :(

But thanks again for your answers. They made me really happy. THANKS!!

xoxo

When the people in your town ask about your sister they probably think that you are pleased about their concern. They don't realize that it is rude, for one thing, to not ask you first how you are.
That is just common courtesy that is often over looked. In your case because they are used to seeing you around town.

If anyone ever again asks why can't you be like your sister, tell them because as good as she is, I plan on being better but in my own way.
She is who she is , and I am a totally different person.

Because I admire someone I don't feel the need to do exactly what they are doing
I will find my niche and fill it as well as I can.

Don't feel bad if your sister brags a bit. She has earned it. And she has every right to be proud of what she has accomplished.

It is obvious that you are an intelligent and caring person.
You have handled this problem in a very thoughtful and adult manner.

Continue to approach problems like you have here and soon you will see the rewards of a rational approach and different perspectives when you have to deal with tough emotional issues.

I am impressed with you.

And I have a grandson about your age... lol

I wish you well