I've been struggling this past year with the idea of seducing a married man I work for. Unfortunately, he's my advisor. I'm not sure when the idea developed but ever since I keep going through these cycles of desiring him, distancing myself from him because I know it's wrong and then wanting to be close to him again. Every time I decide to distance myself it seems to backfire. I know he isn't stupid and has probably figured out I have feelings for him. I'm really frustrated with myself for having these feelings of desire for him. Especially because I'm in a relationship. I've talked to my boyfriend about my obsession. He knows if the opportunity ever did present itself I would probably cheat on him with this man. I'm sure he's wondering what this man has that makes him so desirable to me. I'm still trying to understand why I want this man so much or why what he thinks about me matters so much. Why is it that I'm always looking for validation from him about the work I do for him and when I get this rush and when he's disappointed I'm completely crushed. How do I get over him?

What is exactly is this going to prove for you? Are you willing to destroy your relationship for this man? And what makes you so sure that he even cares that you are attracted.. sure he's probably flattered... do you not realize that HE has a wife at home.. do you even care? How would you feel if you were in her position and your husband cheated on you? Wouldn't be so great would it? Or is this just a selfish endeavour of yours.. not only is he married but he works with you... DOUBLE no go... this WILL end badly for you and WHEN it does you are going to look like a fool... and your dirty laundry will be hung out to air... is that really what you want? Do yourself a favor and get over it..

You need to chill out, cool off and back away. Leave the guy alone. You know it's wrong and still you want to pursue it. I think you have some over active hormones or you don't care about being called easy.

Another good way to stop obsessing is to imagine his wife finds out and pulls your hair out of your head or worse.

Have you considered looking into counseling? There may be an underlining reason why you're seeking him at the level you are and also seeking his approval on the things you do.

Until you figure out what it is you will continue to live a life where you hurt others around you if you act on your desires and you will never be content with where you are in life and who you're with.

You're right, it's wrong to have these feelings, so don't act on them!

Just stop and think what chaos this would cause.
* It could destroy your current relationship and leave you with the reputation of being a "wife snatcher".
* It could backfire and get you fired from your job and possibly prevent you from getting another desirable position.
* It could destroy his marriage and the relationship he has with his children.

It's just not worth the risk.

If you can't get a grip on it, you need to see a counselor before you ruin your life.

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Originally Posted by vero76

I've talked to my boyfriend about my obsession. He knows if the opportunity ever did present itself I would probably cheat on him with this man. I'm sure he's wondering what this man has that makes him so desirable to me.?

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Your boyfriend should be wondering why the hell is he still with you.

Sounds like the usual "want what you can't have". A bit of maturity from you would help. Leave the guy alone. If he wanted you he'd have let you know. Don't ruin his marriage for your own selfish needs.

Bunny boiler much?

Maybe he's the "daddy" you never had?

Validation doesn't mean sleeping with your boss.
What? Is that your only skill?

If I was your boyfriend & knew that you were thinking this, I would show you the door & lock it.

Maybe a counselor is in order to work out your "men" issues.

Call one asap.

Doesn't sound like you should be in any relationship right now.

Work or otherwise.

Its not that its wrong to be attracted to another human, even have intense feelings. What counts is what you do about it, and you have full control over that.

Stay within the boundaries of good behavior, and keep your fantasies to yourself. If you have not learned to cope with your own feelings in positive ways by now, get some professional guidance for yourself.