Hello:

No, we didn't do it... But, we wanted to. If we HAD, I would not have considered myself a victim, but instead, a very lucky boy. I was 14.

Now, I've grown up. I have a different view about life, laws and the roles people have in society. NONE of that has changed my mind about that event - or non event. I would NOT have been a victim, nor would I have FELT victimized.

So, my question is, do I have to feel victimized in order to BE a victim? I understand how people, in the SHORT run, could be under an allusion about being victimized... That's not what this is. This is a LIFETIME of consideration.

Do I advocate sex with teenagers? I don't know. Maybe. You?

excon

***OPINION HERE****

Hmm good question. I guess it would depend on the situation, and perhaps the age of the "victim".

There was a story a few years ago in the news about a young girl who was molested by her grandfather. She was too young to understand what was happening, and I guess at that point didn't feel like a victim, not yet any ways. Her grandfather went to jail, and she would cry and beg to go and visit him. She didn't understand what had happened to her.

And then there are the 13 year old girls who are madly in love with their 20 year old boyfriends. They don't feel like victims, the only crime in their eyes are that her parents are interfering with her one true love. But in most cases, it's the man and sometimes women, who are controlling these easily influenced minds. Are they victims? They are quite capable of knowing the difference between right and wrong. I mean they would get punished if they did any other crime.

I think that there are too many situations with different scenario's to lump them into one category. It's not black and white, and unfortunately there are too many gray area's.

So to answer your question... I don't know.

The problem as I see it is there is a double edged sword. To qualify as a victim you first have to recognise abuse on that level. So laws are set up to protect victims even if they don't yet realize it. There are also so called victimless crimes that have differnet punishments depending on the states you live in. So as exy is saying it's a matter of outlook as well as situation that creates a victim.

As far as teenage sex goes. The laws are getting more uniform and it seems to be closer to the rhelm of fair play rather then victimhood. Most states have adopted the 3 year rule. Again there are decerning guidelines as far as permission goes. But in the example given here is my take on it. As far as victim of a crime (had sex taken place and teacher being an adult) then by law you're a victim but I don't see any major time spent in therapy to get over it. It wasn't violent it was by coersion.

There's a similar situation with assisted suicide. Assuming the "victim" wants to end his/her life, and is of sound mind, then why do we punish the person who helps? Especially if that help allows the "victim" to be relieved of pain and suffering? Yet in most states assisting someone in suicide is a crime regardless of the "victim's" sanity or stated desires (ask Dr. Kevorkian).

Exy.. I could never picture you being a victim. The children who are teenagers and have a crush on a teacher and follow through and the teacher becomes involved.
If they are seventeen or older, no I don't consider them a victim.

Victims are abused children. Victims are the murdered pregnant wives whose husband decided he didn't want a wife or child around.

The children and anyone who is exploited unwillingly are victims.
I remember when Pam Smart used her sexual expertise to seduce a fifteen year old. She talked them into murdering her husband. They knew better they were as guilty as her. Sex was more important to them than murder. They were not Victims.

Here's my opinion, for whatever it's worth. ;)

A teacher student relationship to me is wrong on a lot of levels. I adore you Exy, but at 14 you were probably like the majority of 14 year old boys and girls, clueless about the ramifications of sex, and a bit giddy at the thought of an older woman being attracted to you, showing you the ropes.

A teacher student relationship should be based on academics, nurturing, teaching, not on anything else. A teacher should never cross that line with someone that he/she is responsible for, and teachers are responsible for their students for 6 hours a day, 5 days a week, 10 months out of the year. That's a lot of influence. It's close to a parent child relationship, and I don't think I have to ask how anyone would feel about a parent taking sexual advantage of a child.

For me the problem is not only the age difference (at 14 and 20-30 that's a huge gap, not in years, but in maturity), but the abuse of a power position.

Once the child is finished school, if the teacher and the teen are still interested in each other, I may have less of a problem with it. While the teen is in school, a relationship other than teacher/student, is not okay, In my opinion. :)

Yes, I would consider the teen a victim.

I don't it's right for teachers to have sex with students and if my son or daughtet had ever been a involved with a teacher I would have raised holy cain.
But older boys sixteen , seventeen years old they know better.

The teacher is a authority figure and should be kicked out of the teaching profession if she allows this to go on.

Most likely in the eyes of the law in that specific area the boy would be a victim. Even though he were a willing participant. Simply because of his age.

I agree with Alty and bella. Each case is different but you want to bet no teacher had better be having sex with my boy while she is guiding him through class. I pay my school taxes for his education and guidance not for a cheap thrill for the teacher.

Advocate sex with teenageers? No. Their hormones might be raging but the part of their brain that tells of responsibilities and consequences are not speaking to them at that point. So the adult needs to be that responsible person and stick to the academics.

Although at 14, I would not have said this. Something like this did happen to a cousin of mine.
She was enamored with one of the younger teachers and he did not put up any barriers. However, her parents figured out something was going on, informed the principal, and the teacher (although he had not physically carried through with his intents) was placed on probation. To this day, my cousin still talks of this and is still angry with her parents for stepping in. If that had been me in that situation, my folks would have dropped me off at the convent.

The part of being the victim? Yes, I believe my cousin would have been a victim, although she would have been a willing participant. But willingness does not equate with understanding consequences at that age. Would that have changed when she became 18? Legally, yes. But... one could present a good argument for still being a victim.

When I was in high school, probably age 16 there was a girl who told all of us she slept with our very sexy substitue teacher, who had later gotten on full time at the school. He was funny, tall, dark, handsome and LOVED his job and the students loved him, especially the girls ;)

Anyway this rumor started circulating, and soon the other teachers heard it. This girl was taken into the office, the police were brought in, for about three weeks while the investigation was going on she truly was treated as a victim. All her failing grades and skipped classes were over looked. This teacher was ostracized, harassed by parents and other students. He was supervised in all his classes.

The Friday before the three weeks was up,this girl came to friends and said it was all a lie. Well of course, the teacher was apologized to, the student was given a suspension and a slap on the wrist. The teacher was the true victim here, and a simple "sorry", just didn't cut it. All though he decided to continue teaching at that particular school, he was never the same. He was a health and phys ed teacher along with English and science, he gave up teaching health and phys ed, and when it came to discussing female body parts or reproductive cycles of humans in science, he was usually sick those days, or had another teacher or substitute come in the class with him on those days.

Oh I can't believe I forgot about this story... At another high school I went to (I went to 5 in 4 years), there was an older student who told all his guy friends he "banged" the young sexy English teacher. Funny thing is, nothing happened to her, she was questioned she denied it, and it was chalked up to boys will be boys, and raging hormones.

Upon hearing stories or reading news stories about young female teachers "boinking" their male students my son invariably remarks "Where were those teachers when I went to school?" Geesh. To this day he STILL says that.

Back when rocks were cooling and I was 17, I took "Music Appreciation" in high school. It was taught by a recent graduate of the nearby Eastman School of Music, so he was probably 23. He knew his subject inside and out, was patient and kind, and was very cute, so I fell crazy in love with him -- him and all of my math teachers, probably because music and math are related. I wasn't the only one who was crazy in love with him, but since I had the best grades in the class, I figured I had first dibs on him.

George never looked twice at any of us (not even me with the good grades). We all learned a lot about music, and I still find myself consulting that very informative textbook today. So deeply did I dive into that course that most of what I know about music and composers I learned in George's class.

How noble he was by not allowing himself to get involved with a student! And our "lust" for him caused us to be devoted students in what could have otherwise been a forgettable Mickey Mouse course.

(P.S. I found out some years later that George was/is gay.)

My kid still rails on about the female teachers. He said just now "Where were all the horny teachers when I was a kid that boinked little Billy or little Johnny. I got gyped." He wants to know if he can sue for that?

Well, Exie, do you think he has any grounds because he was gyped?

Go figure.