This is a bit of a sticky situation. It's not so much a question as it is just a question of opinion.

I am currently in a long distance relationship, with a man from the United States (I am in Canada). We have been working ways to be together legally, which is not easy.
The original plan was to become common law, and then he become a permanent resident of Canada that way. However that plan was so complicated and a huge money sink (I'd have to take 6 months off work to go there to be with him, and he would have to do the same. I'd have to pay 6 months rent for an apartment I'm not in, car payments on a car I won't be driving for 6 months, etc etc).
While speaking to my mother about this issue, she finally said "You know... you guys are doing ALL this work to get him to live here and jumping through hoops to avoid getting married, when you will probably just get married once he is here anyways. It's a huge risk doing this common law thing and it will put you in a lot of debt - why don't you guys just get the marriage certificate, and have the big ceremony later?"

So that is the idea right now. We can go and get a marriage certificate and have a mini-ceremony (I believe a ceremony is required 3 months after issuing a certificate where I live). Then we can file for his permanent residency as we are legally married. Once he is living here we can SAVE together for an actual ceremony. Then a year later, we can have the big ceremony.

I mean we'd already be legally married, but I think the plan is to act as if it's an engagement. No wedding bands yet, no name changes, etc etc until the big ceremony a year later. I know it takes away from everything somewhat, but neither of us are religious and I want to have an actual nice wedding, it just seems too far out of reach with the situation we are in.

Thoughts?

Hi Sariss! What you have laid out sounds like a very logical plan. I was married by a Judge with only two witnesses and I never had any regrets.

What is concerning you about this that you feel you need opinions? Are you worried about the legal issues, or is it just this situation puts a bit of a damper on the old fashioned "fairy tale" wedding you might have always thought you would have?

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Originally Posted by Just_Another_Lemming

Hi Sariss! What you have laid out sounds like a very logical plan. I was married by a Judge with only two witnesses and I never had any regrets.

What is concerning you about this that you feel you need opinions? Are you worried about the legal issues, or is it just this situation puts a bit of a damper on the old fashioned "fairy tale" wedding you might have always thought you would have?

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I'm not too worried about legal issues as so far it seems pretty legally secure with immigration. I just want to see what other people think of the idea and to make sure I'm not the only one who has done such a thing!

It did take some thinking because I really do want the typical nice wedding. I mean we will still have one, we just will already technically be married. :P

Well, my situation wasn't as complicated as yours. LOL! But, as I said, we never regretted doing what we did.

Are you thinking of keeping the marriage a secret until you can actually have the big wedding ceremony?

I have thought about that, but I think given our situation people may question how he is here without us being common law.
Obviously our families would know. I won't lie to people but I may not tell them unless they ask. Does that sound like an okay idea?
I mean it could go either way though, I'm sure everyone I know would be super accepting of whatever we did, haha.

I absolutely agree with your line of thinking. You shouldn't offer up the information unless someone asks.

I truly believe you will find if you are in the right relationship, you won't have any regrets getting married in a slightly less conventional way and your big wedding day down the road will be the fairy tale wedding you have always wished for. ;)

Thank you, it does help knowing that people don't think it's a dumb idea. :)

You do realize that the marriage certificate would be dated? Can you get a marriage certificate if he is not a legal resident?
It seems that it wouldn't matter whether you had a mini-ceremony or a large one.

The date of the certificate would be the same... you wouldn't be able to hide that you already had the certificate just by waiting longer for a big ceremony and pretending that you weren't married.

I do many weddings a month that are just the couple and me, there is no requirement for witnesses in Georgia. So it is not uncommon for them to come by my home in the evening or over to my coffee house for a private wedding.

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Originally Posted by Sariss

Thank you, it does help knowing that people don't think it's a dumb idea. :)

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WHAT?? Is that what you are worried about? That is not a dumb idea at all!!

What is a dumb idea In my opinion, is to exchange wedding vows while bunging jumping! Now that is something I can't get on board with. LOL!

I have a friend who was in the same boat as you are in except they actually didn't want to get married. Unfortunately, the only way they could be together in the U.S. (he was from another country) was to get married. So they did a Vegas wedding and were married by an Elvis impersonator! LOL! And they have been married for 15 years and never regretted doing it the way they did.

So, I really think your plan is a very logical and good one. :)

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Originally Posted by DoulaLC

You do realize that the marriage certificate would be dated? Can you get a marriage certificate if he is not a legal resident?
It seems that it wouldn't matter whether you had a mini-ceremony or a large one.

The date of the certificate would be the same....you wouldn't be able to hide that you already had the certificate just by waiting longer for a big ceremony and pretending that you weren't married.

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Yes I realize these things. I will look into your first comment, but I know of people who have been married in different countries, of which neither were a resident (destination wedding anyone?), and it has not been something that's been mentioned in my research of the immigration process.

The large ceremony is more or less for traditions sake, which is why we will probably wait for the name change and the permanent wearing of our wedding bands (I can't wear any ring of any type in my job either way so that doesn't bug me too much).

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Originally Posted by Just_Another_Lemming

WHAT??? Is that what you are worried about? That is not a dumb idea at all!!!

What is a dumb idea IMHO, is to exchange wedding vows while bunging jumping! Now that is something I can't get on board with. LOL!

I have a friend who was in the same boat as you are in except they actually didn't want to get married. Unfortunately, the only way they could be together in the U.S. (he was from another country) was to get married. So they did a Vegas wedding and were married by an Elvis impersonator! LOL! And they have been married for 15 years and never regretted doing it the way they did.

So, I really think your plan is a very logical and good one. :)

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Hehe yes it is tough! Marriage is really the only way to have him come to live here, except going through the common-law process, which is full of hoops to jump through and will cost me farrrr too much money.

Destination weddings would be different as the couple are not planning to reside in that location.

After reading through this site:
Sponsoring your family: Spouses and dependent children
It is surprising how easy it appears for someone to emigrate to Canada through marriage.

If you figure you would end up married anyway, go for it! Seems the most quick way to achieve your goal of being together... :)

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Originally Posted by DoulaLC

Destination weddings would be different as the couple are not planning to reside in that location.

After reading through this site:
Sponsoring your family: Spouses and dependent children
It is surprising how easy it appears for someone to emigrate to Canada through marriage.

If you figure you would end up married anyway, go for it! Seems the quickest way to achieve your goal of being together....:)

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It's pretty much the easiest way to go, hehe.
And yeah, we were going to go the common-law route, but.. far too complicated when we will just end up getting married anyway..
Thank you :)

Sariss, I think it sounds wonderful and no matter when you actually get married-Congratulations!!

Quite frankly, I think couples spend so much time planning for the big perfect wedding that they lose sight of the reason they are marrying. The wedding seems to be the climax of the relationship instead of the beginning of a new chapter.

To me a small private ceremony for yourselves and those closest to you and then a larger public wedding to celebrate surviving a year together sounds great.