How do I help and what do I say to a 21 year old who lost her boyfriend in a traggic accident 1 month ago? She is beyond deviasted, when she crys which is daily it is almost unbearable to see. She has returned to work and I encourage her to keep herself busy to occupy her time, She is also still living with his mother who is in just as bad of condition as she is. I think they are a cruch for each other and one will get no better with them both greiving so much, I think she needs to change her environment and move back home. She does restart college next Monday. I worry about her driving, she cries so badly she has nearly hit two vehicles, I think she needs a grief counselor, I know she will never get over this loss but I do feel in time the grief will subside, how do I help her?
What do I say and what do I do, she has no mother and she has had many tragicgies in her life, her mother was a drug addict and she was taken from her and given to her grandfather who committed suicide about 6 years later, and now this. Help me please.

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Originally Posted by pwnana

How do I help and what do I say to a 21 year old who lost her boyfriend in a traggic accident 1 month ago? She is beyond deviasted, when she crys which is daily it is almost unbearable to see. She has returned to work and I encourage her to keep herself busy to occupy her time, She is also still living with his mother who is in just as bad of condition as she is. I think they are a cruch for each other and one will get no better with them both greiving so much, I think she needs to change her enviroment and move back home. She does restart college next monday. I worry about her driving, she cries so badly she has nearly hit two vehicles, I think she needs a grief counselor, I know she will never get over this loss but I do feel in time the grief will subside, how do I help her?
What do I say and what do I do, she has no mother and she has had many tragicgies in her life, her mother was a drug addict and she was taken from her and given to her grandfather who committed suicide about 6 years later, and now this. Help me please.

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How is she related to you?

As far as changing her environment I recommend NO changes whatsoever - and I was widowed - until she is somewhat healed. It might take a year, it might take two, it might take six months. There is no set pattern. If she and his mother comfort each other, that is not a bad thing. One lost a boyfriend, the other a son, so their grief is similar.

She may need a grief counsellor but that is her choice when she is ready. If she is unable to drive, then she should be told just that - before she kills herself or someone else.

It sounds like life has not been kind to her and, yes, her life will never be the same. It will be good again, but it will never be the same.

There is no timetable for grief.

What can you do? Listen to her. Offer no suggestions unless asked. Don't tell her what she "should" do or "needs" to do. Don't tell her you know how she feels - unless you lost a significant other. Listen to her. Be close when that's what she needs; pull back when she needs her space.

I'm so sorry -

I would tell her that grief is a natural part of loss. If she believes in God he will give her strength.

Pray for her. It's probably the worst thing she has ever gone th
Rough and there are grief counselors.

Don't let her drive. Be her shoulder and let her cry. There are no limitations on grief.

The Bible says, "Weeping endure-th for a night, but joy comes in the the in the morning".

I think that means there is a time to cry, but it won't last forever and she will start to heal in time.

Be there for her.

Her life and her plans have all gone,al the dreams she had with her boyfriend,there all gone and she has to find a new normal.

Everyone finds there own way through,and she will start taking the steps when she is ready,there is no time limit,there are no instructions.

I would suggest a grief councillor,but when she is ready.

All you can do is be a friend hold her hand and listen.

Let her cry,don't try and stop the tears she needs the release the bring.

Being with his mother for now is probably OK,it's a sense of normal that she needs,they need each other,being with her,she will feel closer to her boyfriend.

4 weeks is not long,encourage her to pull over if she feels overwhelmed.

If she is up to it,suggest writing down her feelings thoughts,even in letter form to her boyfriend.

She will learn to cope with the feelings,and the hurt will ease,but right now its so intense its unbearable.

Be her friend,let her talk,or just sit with her.

You could look up councillors in your area so its ready for when she is.

Thank you! A good choice of words, your life will never be the same as it was, you will have to find a new normal.
I am a co-worker, I am 48 and she is 21, she is a wonderful girl that just needs someone to lean on, she hurts so intense and so bad, her grief is very deep.

Just listen to her - that's probably what she needs right now. And I commend you on being her friend.