Ask Me Help Desk - 23-year-old female virgin

Hi everyone.

I am a relatively attractive, well-educated 23-year-old female who has never had a serious boyfriend and ergo remains a virgin to this day. I have had a few sexual experiences, but nothing really recent and nothing that I really got anything out of, to be blunt. While I know that I'm not completely alone in this category - several friends and acquaintances of mine who are also in their twenties are also still virgins - I just wanted to ask if you think a young man may be freaked out or otherwise scared off by this so-called "status" of mine as a virgin?

It's not that I've never been on a date in my life; I have been out on many. And it's not like I've never had anyone interested in me; young men have asked me out before, and often I have accepted. But I have never met "the right one", I suppose. It is unfortunate, and often it makes me feel very lonely and depressed, and I feel that I will be alone for the rest of my life, having never known real romantic love nor the true touch of a lover.

But if I am ever lucky enough to meet a man I want to have a relationship with - or, I suppose, just to sleep with ;) - will he run madly in the other direction because I am inexperienced in the practical sense? (although I do have my fair share of theoretical knowledge, as most virgins do these days!)

What do you guys think? This is really worrying me!

There is nothing wrong with being a virgin. It isn't a scarlet letter on your chest. It is a unique position though. Many men will consider it a challenge to lay you. Stay away from them.

I don't think you should let the 'virgin' bomb drop on the first date. When you're serious, that is when you tell them. If you have developed a relationship with him than he probably won't run away. You and him are ready for it than it will happen.

Don't worry about it until you really know your partner and are ready to take that step. If you tell him on the first date. I don't know what will happen. Some guys will look on you as fresh and plundered meat. Some guys guys will want someone more experienced. Some guys won't care one way or another.

Just be careful and be smart. It sounds like you've been both so far. Also use protection. Lots of it.

Let me tell you, I thought I fell in love at age 17 (as many of us do), and I ended up giving myself to him. It was very painful and I felt like sex wasn't it was all cracked up to be. I completely hated it after that. And a couple months later, we broke up. A few years later I met the REAL love of my life, who at 23 was a virgin. I felt it was unfair to him that my virginity was gone. Years later, I still feel bad. I still wish he was my first.

I never knew sex could be such a wonderful thing, but even with him it took a little while to get to the point of enjoyment.

Moral is, don't EVER settle. Save it for someone you love and only if it feels right. Otherwise, when you find that special one, you'll always regret.

Lol chill!

It depends on what the guy wants and whether he's a virgin himself. If he's not a virgin and he wants a relationship, then your virginity could be an issue. Consider the following: "when I was a virgin, I slept every girl as I possibly could for experience, what if she does the same?!". I've known a lot of dudes to say these exact words.

But, if he is a virgin, then I don't see it being a problem because it'll just be another thing you two have in common.

As for a one-night stand, it's most likely not going to bother him.

And obviously, if you don't have to tell this guy of the future that you're a virgin, then you won't have to deal with the crap that may come with it. I never kiss and tell, I've had it backfire in my face too many damn times.

Anyway, have fun!

Quote:

Originally Posted by TheCompromiser

Let me tell you, I thought I fell in love at age 17 (as many of us do), and I ended up giving myself to him. It was very painful and I felt like sex wasn't it was all cracked up to be. I completely hated it after that. And a couple months later, we broke up. A few years later I met the REAL love of my life, who at 23 was a virgin. I felt it was unfair to him that my virginity was gone. Years later, I still feel bad. I still wish he was my first.

I never knew sex could be such a wonderful thing, but even with him it took a little while to get to the point of enjoyment.

Moral is, don't EVER settle. Save it for someone you love and only if it feels right. Otherwise, when you find that special one, you'll always regret.

Being sexually active with more than one person here. I never settled, and I never regretted giving it up. I am also a guy but that doesn't really factor into it.

I don't want to turn this in to a metaphysical discussion on the merits of virginity. I have never regretted that I had sex with my ex-girlfriends and ex-wife. It is how you approach it. If you're approach it like your virginity is something scared to give away than you'll regret it if you have two partners. If you approach your sexual life as an adventure to gain experience than you'll never regret it.

Something tweaked me in your post. I don't, and never had, held virginity in that high a regard.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CuriousCat17

Hi everyone.

I am a relatively attractive, well-educated 23-year-old female who has never had a serious boyfriend and ergo remains a virgin to this day. I have had a few sexual experiences, but nothing really recent and nothing that I really got anything out of, to be blunt. While I know that I'm not completely alone in this category - several friends and acquaintences of mine who are also in their twenties are also still virgins - I just wanted to ask if you think a young man may be freaked out or otherwise scared off by this so-called "status" of mine as a virgin?

It's not that I've never been on a date in my life; I have been out on many. And it's not like I've never had anyone interested in me; young men have asked me out before, and often i have accepted. But I have never met "the right one", I suppose. It is unfortunate, and often it makes me feel very lonely and depressed, and I feel that I will be alone for the rest of my life, having never known real romantic love nor the true touch of a lover.

But if I am ever lucky enough to meet a man I want to have a relationship with - or, I suppose, just to sleep with ;) - will he run madly in the other direction because I am inexperienced in the practical sense? (although I do have my fair share of theoretical knowledge, as most virgins do these days!)

What do you guys think? This is really worrying me!

I have a question... how can a virgin have sexual experiences and still be a virgin?

But outside of that... for the most part, a guy isn't going to freak out or leave you when he finds out you either are or aren't a virgin. There are always exception to any rule however (male or female).

Any two people will have to learn each others "buttons" and likes and dislikes. When you together long enough (like being married) you explore mutual likes and dislikes. They won't be exactly the same with any two people so I as a man never viewed inexperience from a woman to be a negative. The only negative is being UNWILLING to try different things. Some you will not like... others you will, but like any kid with a new food put in front of him... how will you know if you like it or not if you don't try it.

Quote:

Originally Posted by smoothy

I have a question....how can a virgin have sexual experiences and still be a virgin?

Depending on your definition of a virgin, it is quite easy. If you define a virgin as I do, as the hymen being unbroken, than you can have several different experiences.

A non-exhaustive list:
- oral sex
- masturbation
- mutual masturbation
- saddle backing
- anal (depending on how loosely you define virginity)
- cyber/phone sex.

It all depends on what you define as virginity.

Why would you be worried about still being a virgin at 23? Being a virgin is a good thing (in my opinion at least). You should not rush it, just take your time and wait until you are comfortable and ready to lose your virginity.

Quote:

Originally Posted by CravenMorhead

Depending on your definition of a virgin, it is quite easy. If you define a virgin as I do, as the hymen being unbroken, than you can have several different experiences.

A non-exhaustive list:
- oral sex
- masturbation
- mutual masturbation
- saddle backing
- anal (depending on how loosely you define virginity)
- cyber/phone sex.

It all depends on what you define as virginity.

For reference only, I myself define a virgin who has not (from or to either gender) had a penis inserted into, oral, anal or vaginal cavities... nor has masturbated the other gender (excluding ones self). Basically I follow the classical Biblical definition of virgin. And yeah.. this has been argued ad nauseum here in the past and am not inviting that to be reargued.

And seriously... 99.99% of the guys that get their panties in a knot about virginity are from places that have arrainged marriages, where someone else decides who you are going to marry.

When you meet the 'right one', you will know how to handle it. If the man reacts poorly, then perhaps he isn't 'the one'.

I do recommend that you talk to 'him' before you end up in bed because there are many things that need to be discussed like birth control/contraceptives, health issues, etc. which do not make great pillow talk.

Also, just because a person isn't a virgin doesn't mean he is 'experienced'.