Can 2 friends survive after having a sexual relationship?
my relationship with paul up until now
I and Paul have been friends for ages.
Although we got to know each other when we had a little crush on each other, that last approximately 2 weeks when we were 15, we soon realized that we could be nothing more than friends. We enjoyed so much our talks, our long walks, the support of each other, than the complications of a sexual relationship.
And that went on for 5 years.
On the meantime we developed very different sex lives.
paul's sex life up until now
Paul is the guy that is looking for a long term relationship with the beautiful, petit, clever girl, and since he was 15 he has had 3 relationships of this kind. He was never single, never the guy that cheats on his girl and more or less every girls dream boy, considering he is also very very attractive.
my sex life up until now
Me on the other hand, having to learn the hard way when I was 16, grew up with the thought that I will not open my heart to anyone, that I do not want anyone who is better than me, anyone that I can admire, and chose the no-strings-attached approach, with guys that all they had was looks and no personality, education etc. I just wanted people to say "look! she's gorgeous and her boyfriend too" and that's all.
the past 10 months
Paul never approved the way I handled my sexual relationships, and sometimes not even the way I handled my life. You see I am a leaf in the wind and he is the organized guy with goals and potentials.
10 months ago, one night on his car where we were talking about everything, he asked me to kiss him. I was astonished. I mean how could he ask me that? Did he think I am a whore that he can do whatever he wants without his girlfriend knowing anything?
And I talked to him about that. And he told me I was irrational, like someone else was talking and not me. He respects me deeply and wants the best for me, and he can't hold his feelings anymore. He has been thinking and fantasizing about me for a long time, and he knows that the relationship we can develop no one will understand. And I was like "how can you do this to claire? i know her" and he said, what I have with you is so different and so special that has nothing to do with my relationship.
After that night, every time we were together we had sex. As we don't live in the same city as we are studying at different universities, these times weren't numerous but enough to keep the passion alive. And although every time I thought he would stop this, he didn't, he had become even more addicted to it.
I finally decided to end it. I fear the though of losing him, I hate myself for being jealous of anyone that's near him, I hate that we have become aggressive in the presence of our friends as we want to hide something, and I hate the fact that I can't look claire, he's girlfriend, in the eyes anymore.
And I told him these, and he said OK lets stop and everything we'll be fine, we'll find a way.
the question
But can we really find a way. And what that will be? Us being friends like nothing ever happened? Us continuing a secret sexual relationship that tears us apart? Us being together when everything is against us?
Our feelings for each other are very strong. He told me that no matter what happens I'll never leave you, I never have left you, although we have gone through a lot, and I never will. Our passion is insatiable, and even we try to keep it hidden our glances, our posture, everything shows it of. So what is going to happen? And what am I supposed to do? Because I can't just go and tell him, break up and be with me. I can't force him to do anything. It's his life after all.
