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I am in depression because my wife cheated on me over forty years ago. I had a serious car wreck and the doctors say it has caused this to come to the forefront of mind. What can I do to be happy? I take pills now for anxiety. When I look at my wife I am reminded of what she did. She lied about the affair and I believed her even though I knew it was true. I stayed because of our five year old daughter. I don't want to divorce but would like some peace of mind.
40 years ago? What has she done for the last 39 years?
Let it go, now is not the time to worry about ancient history.
Do you love this Lady and does she return your love? Focus on the here and now, you can’t go back in time and change anything once it’s done with. Life is not Hollywood, where time is easily manipulated.
Hold her close to you and tell her not to worry about that you already have.
I'll bet you have had wonderful years with her. It's ancient history and you're still together.
Do you still love her? Does she love you? Forgiving is sometimes hard to do. I hope you will.
As a little background, did you suffer head injuries in the accident? If so, did you experience amnesia?Quote:
Originally Posted by chroll
Your description sparked recollection of a very old case with very similar elements. (i.e. resurrection of old marital events from decades past)
No, I didn't experience amensia. I was unconscious for 24 hours after the car wreck. After that my short term memory has slowly gotten worse. I own a business and my energy and drive are gone. The business hasn't suffered yet after five years but I haven't brought in any new business.Quote:
Originally Posted by DrBill100
I want to forget and forgive but don't seem to be able to. Some things are just unforgivable.Quote:
Originally Posted by donf
I believe that what has everyone perplexed is the time interval involved. That's what drew my attention. It's unusual for an independent memory set (group of related occurrences) to retain prominence across a 40 year period. If these memories seemingly re-emerged or became more significant following traumatic head injury, that information could be instructive, although I'm not certain that's going to be of immediate benefit to you.Quote:
Originally Posted by chroll
Therefore, I just want to pose two more questions along this line.
Do you recall the events immediately preceding the accident; and
Do you seem to be increasingly dwelling on this 40-year old incident. Is it difficult to get out of your mind?
The short-term recall is probably not significant. The integration of new memories often show deficits after age 45. (frustrating but not abnormal) Technically, it is a form of amnesia (anterorgrade). What I'm looking for is in the opposite direction, retrograde amnesia, basically being unable to recover stored memories. I also realize that your focus on incidents from 40 years past seems to immediately contradict my line of reasoning. But trust me for two more questions. There could a connection with the mild depression, malaise, anxiety and focus on past event.
Please understand this has nothing to do with long-distance-diagnosis. Rather it is tying together some isolated factors for you to present to your attending physician creating a clearer picture. How you describe your problems is of great importance to the diagnosis. Emotional disorders, depression, anxiety, are based on patient (your) report. The clearer and more concise your description the greater the chance for improvement. That is my sole purpose: Organization
Yes, I do remember things just prior to the head injury. I have forgotten your second question even though I tried hard to remember it. It was something about focusing on things after forty years. This memory of my wife cheating came to my focus after she asked me to renew our marriage vows. It seemed as though all I could think of was how she had not taken our first vows seriously. From then on it was all I could focus on to the point of asking for divorce. That is when I went into counseling after seeing several psychiatrists. Every doctor I saw gave me a new pill. I finally went to my family doctor who said he would be interested in handling my case. He, too, gave me a new pill and sent me to a lady who he thought would be good to counsel both me and my wife. We have been doing that one year now. If I take my pills then my life is tolerable. If I don't take them then I am right back focusing on how my wife betrayed me. It doesn't seem like 40 years but only months ago when it happened. Will there ever be any peace for me?
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