30 ago years we were married but it ended after 3 months. 1 1/2 year later back together, lasted 12 months. Ex-wife and I back together again after 27 years after the 2nd try. She found me on FB and we hit it off and got back together. When we are good it is so very good. I have anger issues and am mean to here verbally, then and now but I have recently getting better control of it and the times between arguments has been getting longer. She left me last Saturday, 7 weeks since out last argument (over phone). Her "walking on eggshells" made her ill since that time. Tomorrow would have been 1 year anniversary. Should I try to contact her? If so, in what manner and to what extent.

Give her time don't contact her. Your on and off again it's not very stable the relationship is volitile. If your getting help or not your verbal abuse has scared her into being sick. Let her heal and decide if she wants anything to do with you

You should be in anger management classes. 30 years after the first relationship and you still have the same problems. It isn't fair to contact her when you have not changed at all. This is a problem that should be dealt with permanently before being in another relationship.

It didn't work decades ago, didn't work yesterday, so why is another time going to be different?

Guess what? Whatever destroyed you before, is still there after all this time, and that's a shame really, because you still haven't resolved it. Probably never will.

Leave her alone. You still have the same issues. No point in pouring water in a pail that has a hole in it.
Leave her be and work on your anger issues.

Yeah you definantly need some help regarding your anger management but realize that things will never be like they were the first time... you keep breaking up and getting back together and it just doesn't work.. so at some point you have to learn to let it go.. you aren't compatible.. and you aggression has a lot to do with that...

It has been just shy one 1 yr. since my 51/2 yr relationship ended. We were together about a yr. then broke up for 6 months then reconciled for 4 yrs. He was a runner, rebounder. I came in at end of 2nd marriage, which came 8 months after 1st. Girlfriend in between us, and immediate one after us. Lots of verbal abuse, anger issues, three times threats of assaultive behavior, lots of mind games etc. I saw him in front of my house 1 time since breakup, finished ball game tickets, tried calling once, very cold response, and have not seen or talked to since, except accidental run in prior to a ballgame. He was with his supposed new girlfriend, whom I think he was seeing shortly after we split, if not before. Don't know if he saw me. I didn't wish to say anything. Lots of mixed messages, etc. Seeing him a couple weeks ago felt like someone kicked me in the stomach; since, he said there wasn't anyone, nor did he want anyone. Still love, miss, and respect him; but, I realized I was just the rebound of the rebound of the rebound, etc. He is not interested in facing issues; and, he thinks I am so predictable. Really believe I was just someone to cushion blow and take care of things. So, I have cried my way through the past yr. yes, with hopes of reconciliation; but, I realize you cannot make someone be where they don't want to be, for whatever reason. So I pray for both of us. Give your lady time, seek counseling through a certified abusers program, accept your contribution for the breakdown over the years; and, maybe then you two will find a mutually respectful and loving relationship. Search your soul for what you truly hope to share in a relationship, and if it is with this lady, surrender your demons to God, ask for forgiveness and wisdom, and do everything in your power to become the man God commands of you. Abusive behavior towards someone can take yrs. To recover from, let her go if you are not truly willing to change the way you think about her. Show her that respect. Then maybe once this vivicous cycle is broken, both of you will be wiser and much more capable of sharing joyous love and a relationship that is not destructive. Old patterns of doing things take a great deal of commitment to change. How willing are you to change your thinking? That needs to be your focus; not how to manipulate her back in to the comfortable routine you two have developed for so many yrs. I say this; because, no matter how much I respect and love my previous bf; I am trying to educate myself not to fall back in a similar patterns; because, nobody deserves that, and, nobody is ever justified and/or entitled to treat another person so horribly. No matter how much I may pray for reconciliation; I know I would not want to ever return to such destructive and hateful and unhealthy ways with my ex, ever again.

This thread is two years old. There has been no action since Aug. 2010