I am a "singe" mother with two children my daughter is 5 years old (going on 60 with the mind of a 16 year old!) and my son is 4 months. Lately the tantrums have been getting more intense and last twice as long as before. She can go from being happy, cheerful and pleasant to a Tasmanian devil in a matter of seconds!

A few days ago I heated up some left over pizza and took the last 3 small pieces for myself, and she came into the kitchen and flipped out (she was screaming like she was getting beat). She had never asked for a slice nor did she mention she wanted any before I heated it up. She just freaked out saying "i wanted some pizza". When she's hungry and we are not able to get to food right away (this usually happens when we see a Mcds) she goes on and on about "throwing up if I dont eat" (when she's sick and doesn't eat she gets that way). There are times she will be playing and then come in and ask for something or for me or someone to do something and if we are busy she has a complete meltdown.

I love her so much, but at times I don't want to be near her at all! I hate how that makes me feel as a mother because I would do ANYTHING for her. I try my hardest not to give in and it can be hard. I am not sure how her Dad is about giving her everything that she wants (we are not together). I do know that my Aunty (her other main care giver... my aunt loves to take her most weekends and during summer breaks to keep her super busy as) but its really hard for my Aunt to listen to the screaming or rather screeching for a very long period, her blood pressure gets up and she gets mad fast and that's not good for her as she is suppose to keep her blood pressure down. If I took her over nights with my aunt I would lose out on the time I so desperately need away from her to relax and recharge.

From the moment she is up she is UP until she's passing out while playing! She can just GO GO GO. There does not seem to be a pattern as to when or what sets off her moods, we thought it was maybe her sugar levels.. nope... sleep deprivation.. again no! She got a good solid 12 hours one night and still had a melt down! I should mention that I do try to take her to movies, shopping, walks, park as much as I can. When ever I can I try to do things with JUST HER! I love having just us time, but she is always wanting to include her brother. My doctor said this is a normal stage and to keep her busy busy busy... but with school starting up in a few weeks, having a new baby and very little money to spend on other activities... what would your suggestions be?

I have tried the 3 strikes no check today... I have tried options (if you don't pick up your toy we cannot go to the park... but if you pick up your toy we can go out.. its up to you) I have tried time outs.. but having to constantly pick up your 50 pound kid and put her back down the hall in her spot, or stand there and get kicked.. or have her screaming her head off because you will not give her her way can get rather painful! She is also a very smart girl and knows her words, she has some very large words in her vocabulary and knows how to use them well for her age.

Any suggestions on what activities helped your child would be great, or even techniques that helped with the disciplining. Also spanking does not work for her, taking toys away only causes her to scream.. but eventually she does what she is told to get them back but she just does it over and over again anyway.

Thank you :)

I should also mention that when she's this mad upset and angry we cannot talk to her, even when she's just starting in on that mood she "closes" her ears or something and nothing gets through to her

Might try something a little different. Instead of taking things or activities away, set her down and explain that she will now have to earn them through her behaviour. Talk about your expectations for behaviour, a polite way to ask for things, learning to be patient (that can be a hard one for a 5 year old at times), manners out in public, etc. and be sure her aunt, and anyone else she is involved with, knows them too so that you can have a united front.

Make a chart, let her earn stars or stickers for making good choices. She can put on the chart the things she would like to be able to do or have and together you decide how may stars will she need to earn for each. Really play it up when she makes good choices, catches herself before a melt down or even when she is able to end a melt down more quickly than usual. (habits take time to break)

If she screams, let her scream in her room. Continue with the choices in such that she can decide her own behaviour but be sure she is aware of the consequences for her choices. Then remind her, after she has calmed down, that you are sure she will make a better choice next time, however due to the tantrum she will not be able to do such and such. If you are out somewhere, let her know ahead of time that you will take her home if she has a melt down and then be prepared to do just that. Practice some test runs with her where you purposely go out being prepared to leave or to praise her for doing well. Stick with it... she is still hearing you when she closes her ears, it is simply a ploy to manipulate the situation. Remain calm, keep it all very matter of fact, no yelling yourself, no giving in to stop her tantrums, no long discussions.

Even though she wants baby brother to come along, do have some one on one time with her. She may not realize it but it could in part be due to adjusting still.

It will be trying at times, to be sure. Put yourself in time out in your room if you have to for some quiet time to regroup, but nipping this in the bud now with pay off in the long run.

I would say your daughter is;
1. jealous of her younger brother, 2. has been spoiled

Whatever way you discipline a child it has got to be done consistently, and that means yes you do have to go get her and put her back in the naughty chair, even if it is a 100 times each day, if you give into her just once, you'll undo any good you do, you really have to be firm but fair, don't spank her that merely teaches a child that violence is OK, if you don't do something and stick to it diligently you'll have these problems for as long as she's young, and that's going to be at least 10 more years or thereabouts.

She also needs to learn what no means.

If you want her to change her ways she's got to be disciplined children can't discipline themselves that's Us the Mums job, and it isn't something you can do half heartedly, she knows when she's got one over you, and also that if she kicks and screams and makes a big noise you'll give into her, and so she does these things because she can because you've allowed her to do so, you've given in and she's a crafty little girl and can manipulate you and does so.

You now have to change your approach by speaking to her in firm mean it terms,not by saying No you cannot do that and then after she screams and does her tanrtrum routine say OK then You can have it, that teaches her she can get around you, and won't do her or you any good.

Get some shin pads and go with the three strikes I assume that's like the naughty chair.

If you can persevere with a discipline routine for say a few days, Im certain she will learn that she cannot do so and so, but you really have got to stick with it, its not easy, she's a little old to be learning that she can't do what she wants all the time but she can still learn you have to show her you're the mummy and she's the child and you will not accept bad behaviour from her.

Seriously if you stick with it and show her some determination she will eventually catch on. But the moment you weaken and give into her then you've not hope of getting her to behave herself.

Teach your new child at a much earlier age then you'll avoid a repeat of the same once he's older. You can do it you must do it, for her sake as well as your own, they're only naughty because they can be, but you can change it around, just be determined, you'll have a much nicer little girl and a much quieter life.

Good luck just stick to your guns but don't resort to spanking her as stated it shows her violence is OK. And that's all it does do. Firm but Fair.

Also any times she's good praise her lots and lots of praise, each and every time she's good, that way shell want to get more praise, Try to have a set time each day for you and her to have alone time, tell her Mummy still loves her big girl even with the new baby, and that Mummy wants her big girl to be a very good girl and help Mummy with the new baby.

Include her with the new baby, she could still be jealous even if she does appear not to be.

Firm and Fair Praise and inclusion. Try it it does work if you keep it up. But you do have to stick to it vigorously. Children appreciate consistency, if you're unsure she knows that and then she's unsure too. Don't threaten or try to bargain with her say it and mean it follow through.

Let us know how it goes if you try this. Please and good luck.. remember firm but fair...

Good behaviour like Bad behaviour is learned and you are her teacher.

The above posters can given excellent advice,there's not much more to add.

A reward chart for good behaviour...

Stars,stickers, something that she can visible see.

She is displaying attention seeking behaviour,when she goes into a force 10 tantrum she can't control it,keep that in mind.

Keep her as active as possible,if she has pent up energy its easier to find the energy to put into a tantrum.

Have planned activities as much as you can,keep the routine.