Had pre-marital sex with boyfriend, now he has ditched me and my parents are forcing me to get married to other guy. Pressurewise I have said yes but m afraid as I don't want that my husband should come to know about my non virginity and I don't want to see myself and my parents in any problem after marriage even. What should I do? And my question is does husband comes to know about your non virginity after marrige? If so or not provide me with every possible solution you can...

Are you in India?

I don't believe a marriage should start with a lie, particularly this lie, if your virginity is important to your husband to be.

I realize your culture is different.

You m from india..

But then m going for arrainge marriage. And if he don't accept me then what??

Quote:

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Originally Posted by sakshi5

my question is does husband comes to know about ur non virginity after marrige? if so or not provide me with every possible solution u can...

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Hello s:

I'm experienced with sex. When I was young, I had sex with a few women who told me they were virgins. I couldn't tell, so I believed them. I also had sex with women I KNEW were virgins, and couldn't necessarily tell then either. I've also had sex with NON virgins, who were tight, and who bled, and I wouldn't have had a clue about their virginity, or not, from the physical results.

I'm just saying, that if you play it up right, he'll never know. I don't know if it's possible, but I think you can hold yourself tightly when he tries to enter, and even make yourself bleed.

I'm not ordinarily into deception, but I live in a society that doesn't value virginity any longer. You don't.

excon

Hi excon, I liked your answer that's y want to ask you one thing more.
As you stated, I can make myself bleed.. how??

Hello s:

I'm NOT a women, so I'm just guessing... But, if you held yourself tightly when he tried to enter, it MIGHT hurt and cause you to bleed.

I'm sure there are some women here who'll know more about this than me.

excon

Please listen to yourself! "Can I make myself bleed?" What utter nonsense!

Regardless of your familia situation, you are no longer a virgin.

I only slightly understand the pressure your family is putting on you.

Here in America it was considered a serious social disgrace if a girl had sex before marriage. This also applied even if the couple were engaged.

That's gone now. People no longer care. Personally I believe this is wrong, but that's just an opinion.

The man that your family is pushing on you, is he demanding that you be a virgin?

Personnally, if you do not want this marriage you should walk away now, if this is at all possible. Otherwise, say nothing about the fact that you are not a virgin. However, if he asks, please tell the truth it will save much more in the long run.

Also, there is no way that he would be able to know you are not a virgin. There are many ways that a Hyman can be torn. For example, just the use of a Tampon could tear the Hyman.

Please, do not borrow trouble. Be honest, it may blow up in your face this time, but if it becomes an issue after you are married, it will be horrific.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by donf

I only slightly understand the pressure your family is putting on you.

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Hello donf:

Then you SHOULDN'T be giving advice.

excon

(Grin:)

Okay, I give up, please tell me of your experience living in a country where your family dictated who and when you marry. :)

My concern isn't "faking it" now. My concern is some time in the future when this secret comes out and we see enough of these secrets on the Board to know it's possible.

Not all virgins bleed. Bleeding is not proof of virginity.

And to Excon - hold tight and having him force his way in? YIKES!

If she is determined to continue the charade the best she can do is act inexperienced.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by donf

Okay, I give up, please tell me of your experiance living in a country where your family dictated who and when you marry. :)

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Hello don:

I have no experience. I just read stuff. You can too. Here's an article about honor killings in India.

For those who aren't aware, an honor killing is carried out when family members murder another family member who has brought disgrace and shame on the family. Usually, in India, it takes place over an “inappropriate” relationship or marriage outside caste or religion.

I'm simply trying to save her life.

excon

I wonder if OP is honest with her parents if they somehow stop this pre-arranged marriage - ?

I see no indications that the parents will be harsh about his.

But I don't know and OP hasn't come back.

Thnkx guys...
U understanding my prob n helping me out spcl thanks to excon...

So what did you do?

Solution #1
For the sake of maybe saving your life, holler, scream, and cry on your wedding night, like you did when you lost your virginity. I won't tell you how to bleed, but a bloody sheet works on most guys.

Solution #2
Be honest and take your chances. (only you know if your in actual danger, or just will be humiliated.)

Solution#3
Don't get married.

Solution#4
Tell him you need to use a lubricant for the pain and to make you more receptive, before he does the deed. No way will he know the difference.

@judykaytee : nthing much just waiting 4 ryt tym..


@talaniman: thankx buddy 4 your great solutions..

I am from INDIA .I discussed this issue with my friends and now I am answering you.

Since marriages are made in heaven ,It should not start with a lie, It is also a sin .

If you want to marry someone then follow the rules I am mentioning below :-

1) If you are going marry the unmarried(virgin) person then tell him the truth.If he accepts you then marry him happily. OTHERWISE,

2) Tell your parents to find a (childless)widower as your partner, because a widower is definitely a non-virgin, AND HE EASILY ACCEPTS YOU AND YOUR MISTAKES.moreover, in this case you will earn some Good name and fame in your future husband's society since you have given a new life for a widower, but any way tell him the truth.

In the first case, though your (virgin)husband accepts you now, but you can't assure that he won't create problems in future. So my personal advice is go for second case. In second case also there may exists problem but it will be tolerable to you & you will easily overcome from that. Because (widower) husband won't thinks to lose you.

In the above two cases I am insisting you to tell the truth, because of two reasons as follows:
1) If you tell him the truth, then you only get the punishment.

2) If you hide this truth from him, then in future if he happens to know that you are non-virgin before marriage, then he will feel that he was cheated so will get immense anger on you. Then your WHOLE FAMILY GETS THE PUNISHMENT & IT WILL BRING YOU A BAD NAME IN YOUR SOCIETY OF NEIGHBORS & FRIENDS CIRCLE .

all the things I told above are only remedial measures that I know, I can assure it will work up to 90%.

so young boys and girls don't try to be fast in making physical relations. Otherwise you feel afterwards like this poor girl.so, "PREVENTION IS BETTER THAN CURE".