Ask Me Help Desk - Boy has girlfriend

Okay so I'm 13 , and I was going out with this guy for a year . Then we starting have problems and we would argue about almost everything . I mean when we were together in person we would be fine but over the phone or computer . It would be like we were a married couple fighting . So one day we got into this HUGDE argument and we ended up not being together anymore . And I was really upset . So its been about 5 to 6 months now since I have last dated him . But we still talk . And tonight about an hour ago . We were talking on the phone . And he was telling me about some camp he just came back from . And it turns out he has a girlfriend now . And at first I thought I was fine with it and I didn't care but when he starting talking and telling me about her . I got upset and realized I'm not really over him.. . =( so then I started crying . And he heard me and asked me what was wrong . And he's the type a guy that knows me so well that he can tell when I'm lien' so I can never lie to him . So I told him how I really felt and he didn't have anything to say about it . And about 15 to 20 minutes after that he said he was tired and wanted to go to sleep and I said okay . Goodnight and once I got off the phone with him I was balling . And 5 minutes later I got a text saying that he's not over me. So now what should I do if I love him and he's loves me but he has a girlfriend?

He has a girlfriend. Hands off.

(It's bawling, not balling. Bawling = crying)

First, you're 13, you're way too young to even know what love is, much less be in love with someone. But, I do remember being 13 so I'll give you some advice.

The truth, I doubt you still care about him enough to date him. I'd bet that this is more along the lines of "I don't want him, but I don't want anyone else to have him either". Been there, done that, I was 14.

In fact, your relationship sounds almost exactly like the one I had at 14. When we broke up we remained friends, in fact, we're still friends to this day (we're both 39 now). A few months after we broke up he started dating someone else and all of a sudden I had to have him back, I couldn't live without him. Or so I thought.

He ended up breaking up with his new girlfriend to be with me, and a few weeks after that happened I realized that I didn't really want him as a boyfriend, I just didn't want him wanting someone other than me.

So dig deep, be honest with yourself, do you really want him because you care about him, or is it because he's with someone else?

Now, considering that I am indeed 39 and I have a son that's not that much younger than you, I have to say this. You're way too young to date.

There, my work here is done. ;)

Doesn't matter if you are 13 or 30...

Whatever broke up the relationship... if it isn't solved... its still broken.

And missing the comfort of the known is NOT a reason to get back together.

There is all kinds of love.

If I tell my 6 year old I love him, I trust that he knows something about love.

It isn't adult love. It might not be a love he fully gets until later... but I still tell him and its good.

Likewise, you can care for this boy. He can care for you. You can both struggle with the attraction you have for each other and how to interpret it.

I am attracted to every ex I have.

I might not belong with them, but I've learned there are many people you might be attracted to whom you should not be with or cannot be with. It happens. All the time.

There's 6 billion people on this earth and counting... I hope I'm not just attracted to one.

So... couples so separate can get back together. It isn't often successful. You need to be honest about what was off before and how is it different now... and that, again, doesn't get answered with "i miss you"...

Just to clarify, in case I wasn't entirely clear. When I said she was too young to know what love is, I meant being "in love". By "in love" I mean, love and marriage, baby carriage, commitment, forever, let's build a house get a mortgage, grown up love.

My kids know what love is too, but they're way too young to be in adult love with someone.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Altenweg

grown up love.

My kids know what love is too, but they're way too young to be in adult love with someone.

The Greeks called it agape, unconditional love, sacrificial love, someone else's welfare is more important than yours is.