So, here's a weird one- at least I think it is and I'm hoping someone here can give me some advice.

We are both in our 40's, both been married before. We have been together 3 yearrs and living together for the last year. In many ways we have a perfect relationship. She is carring, loving, affectionate, we can talk to each other about anything (except this) and are really best friends. We both feel we have found the one we are destined to be with and have talked about marriage in the future.

But there's one problem - around her friends. She has a wide circle of friends who she has known for many years. She and her best friend are particularly close. When we first got together they used to joke with each other that now she had a fella she mustn't forget that her best friend comes first --mates before boyfriends! At the time I thought this was just a harmless light hearted comment but now I'm not sure.

When we socialise we always see our joint friends together and my friends together, but she never includes me with her friends or sister. The reason she gives is that she would feel awkward if I was there but shhe cannot explain why it's just how she feels. If I try to discuss it with her she becomes very defensive and it's the only thing thatt ccauses real tension between us.

Last week she was in a bad car crash. The police called me as I am listed as her next of kn. I went to the hospital contacted her dad and best friend to let them know waited while the doctors helped her - fortunately her injuries are not as bad as theyy firstt thought but they did keep her in hospita. I stayed with her until 3am until she went to sleep then went back the next day and stayed all day until --she got a message to say her sister and best frind were coming in and wanted me to go before they got there! She said she was protectting me as she didn't want there to be any awkwardness towards me from siter and best friend. I have never done anything to her sister or best friend and I'm struggling to see what I've done at all to deserve being treated this way. I cannot believe, even in this situiation, why she doesn't wannt to be together with me with her friends? We argued because I said she wasn't protecting me, only thnking of herself which she felt wasn't fair.
I really don't know what to do to try an resolve this. Has anyone come across this or any thoughts on what she is doing? Thanks in advance

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Originally Posted by confusedashell

Has anyone come across this or any thoughts on what she is doing? Thanks in advance

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Yup, last fall and winter. I was in the hospital three times and have been married for 43 years, yet did not want my husband around when a good friend came to visit. They had two entirely different agendas. My friend and I talked about entirely different subjects than did my husband and I. Why should either of them visit me at the same time and be bored (and complain later)? Plus, I was SICK and didn't want to have be "schizophrenic" trying to keep up with both agendas. Respect her wishes; it's nothing against you.

Sorry I think you've missed the point, the hospital was just the latest example and one I used to try an highlight that even in this situation there is no compromise. The reason for asking the question is because she NEVER wants to invove me with her friends or sister. Pllease tell me thatt isn't normal?

If she never wants too include you with her friends or sister,I would not consider that normal.

If you have spoken of marriage and in all other aspects your relationship is good and healthy,I can't see her reasoning.

Has she given you a straight answer?

Does she think they don't approve of you? Has something happened that she does not want either one of them to slip and tell you?

Is she ashamed of your relationship?

These are questions I would be asking.

Keeping the 3 people she loves always apart is odd to say the least.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by confusedashell

Sorry I think you've missed the point, the hospital was just the latest example and one I used to try an highlight that even in this situation there is no compromise. The reason for asking the question is because she NEVER wants to invove me with her friends or sister. Pllease tell me thatt isn't normal?

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Sorry, that's normal -- for us at least. I know other couples with the same thing going on. I don't like to include my friends with my husband for the same reason I didn't in the hospital. Sure, once in a great while (like once every ten years) there may be an occasion when everyone is together like at a dinner or picnic or some family function. But my friends and I talk about stuff my husband would yawn at and even get angry about*, and vice versa. (P.S. I tried it during the early years of our marriage, often included my husband in friend get-togethers, and learned the hard way that this did not work--for me, for the friends, for my husband. The same is true of my husband's friends and me. He does his own thing with them, without me hanging about.)

*ADDED: My husband is ultra-conservative about everything--food, money, religion, politics. My friends and I are not. When I'm with my husband, I know how to roll with the conversation; my friends do not, and I don't expect them to try. That's why I keep them apart.

Im only assuming however does your g/f feel ashamed or embarrassed about you for some reason?

Have you been with her and her friends and sister at anytime and said something out of turn or similar.?

Have you ever been introduced to this girls friends and sister?

Im wondering has the girl made you out to be something youre not and is afraid you may let the cat out of the bag somehow.

It does seem very strange that she is like this, it is to my mind most unusual.

If you can give more insight into the questions I ask I may be able to shine some light onto why for you.

Its seems completely normal for her, and that's what counts. If you can't respect it, or understand it, then you are with the wrong person.

For sure trying to change her ways will lead to conflict, and disaster.

Yeah I agree with tali on this one... from a females perspective I don't really care to have my boyfriend around them either... I mean when its girl time then that's exactly what it is.. girl time... what would contribute to the social gathering anyway? A few women hanging out doing what women do best... id relax about it

I can agree with the girls not wanting to be with their b/f when with each other, but if you have never been included or met these friends etc, I would then be wondering why.

Although OP you havent returned and answered any posts here as yet.

Lickemlolly Love what you say in your signature. coool...