Hi,

My partner and I have been together for about 2 and a half years, we have been happy throughout our relationship with the normal little arguments here and there. We usually don’t fight and always get along.
We have been living together for about 2 years and it has been great, I wouldn’t have it any other way. At the beginning of our relationship he was very affectionate and he told me he loved me quickly. I was shocked when he said this and it took me a while to say it back, he then quickly stopped saying it and it now has got to the point that we both don’t want to say it first (pretty silly really) I know he loves me.

We were renting in Melbourne and were struggling to save for the future, so we made the big decision to move to WA for better paying jobs and rent free housing. We have been now living with his parents for about 5 months and will hopefully be moving into out new place in a few weeks. However I relationship has become so tense and we barely have sex! He picks arguments with me for the sake of it and I am really longing for some affection. I am trying not to be needy because I know he hates it! I want him to want me and want to cuddle and kiss me etc, I'm afraid that he will never be what I need.. it sounds selfish but I'm the type of person that really needs those kind of things.. what should I do?

I want you to not be needy not because he hates it, but because you hate it.

Stress is Killer on libido and sex drive.

It just Is.

And that said, it is no free pass for him to neglect you.

What people do in the early stages of a relationship, when each person is chasing the other, is often different than later on...

Your stesses are not unusual or uncommon. That doesn't make you feel better... but it's the truth.

You need to be chased. Lord knows I've struggled with a lover who chased hard at first, just to back off hard when the relationship became longer term.

I hate that.

Yes... I get that all relationships go through changes. Still... I want a lover who will chase me. Period. Doesn't matter how long we are together. I believe I deserve being chased. And I'm willing to chase hard back.

Don't you feel the same?

Ill guess yes.

So.. I want you to be needy when it makes sense.

Are you worth some attention and affection? Yes. You are. You know this.

You cannot demand that he is the master cuddler of all time. Even if he did this before, doesn't mean its right for him.

You cannot demand he has sex with yout. You can demand he listens to your needs and wants. Sex and sensuality isn't all there is to most relationship... but when that bridge is poorly built, its just hell to keep up.

Gary chapman says there are five ways through which lovers express commitment. Sensual touch is one of the five. You are not wrong to want a lover who is driven and willing to chase. Its one of the most common complaints here... a "lazy" lover who just doesn't seem to understand his woman's need for attention.

Sorry you are in this place. Hope you can try to find a way to talk to him about this.

The sexiest thing in the world is a confident woman. Next is line is a woman who might not have things lined up "right" but who demands more for herslef.

So... you need to figure out what is worth the fight and what isn't. If he doesn't fill your needs over time... well... you don't get to both stay and complain. Pick a side.

And in the end... you said it... you need him to be next to you at night... to share in that precious time together. To connect in that simple, powerful way.

I don't like pretene. Say what you want and feel. Be willing to retract or edit. But really... just say what you feel.

I have never felt bad about speaking from the heart.

After being on your own and loving it, I think that maybe the stress of living with his parents may be getting to you both.

I think that after a big decision to move out of your comfort zone, you need to have patience, and understanding, to make some adjustments to where you are, and knowing this situation is NOT permanent, and yet another big move is coming for you, even more adjustments will have to be made.

Sometimes we have to cope with change in practical ways, and not let temporary obstacles side track us from our long term goals.

For now, talk about the stress, and deal with it through honest communications, and don't let it destroy your hope for the future. Any guy who is living with his parents again, after being free and independent, will change in weird ways. Help each other through this life storm, because I am sure its not permanent, but is but a test of how well you rally through this situation.

Trust me, life will throw all kinds of things at you in the future, and this temporary glitch is only the beginning. Deal with it in positive ways.

How is the relationship between he, and his parents? How are things between YOU, and HIS parents?

Wanting love and affection from your partner is not being needy, its what usually happens naturally when in a relationship, I would recommend you either talk this over with him or you leave, I get the feeling hes using this to have some control over you, and thats not healthy, and neither is withholding affection and love from a person.

I think if you cannot get through this by talking it over then you would be wise to consider cutting your losses and leaving him and move on. As it is the relationship appears to be toxic or heading that way.

I understand that he doesn't like you to be needy but have you ever considered talking to him about it? Just laying it down and letting him know how you feel.. I know it seems so obvious to you but it may not be to him... stress is a libido killer also... maybe you guys should plan a nice weekend together.. try to relieve some of this built up tension...

Communicate.

Im sure living with his parents is no party, but make sure you talk about the next plan. The next stage.

Maybe he's not comfortable being intimate under his parents roof? Although I doubt it.

If he's subtly wanting to exit or is doubting, then get to the bottom of this now. Tell him how you feel. Let him tell you.

If you guys can't get on a plan, then no sense waiting around.

Being needy is very subjective, we all have needs in relationship, and if needs are being communicated, that's not being needy, that's being effective - you say what you want to make relationship work for you since it's two way street. Your partner neglecting your needs under guise of you being "needy" is not good. So try to talk to him about what's really important for you - kissing, cuddling etc.

On the other hand, you're going through difficult stage right now - living with parents etc. So obviously both of you are under a lot of stress, which is rough for any relationship.

Try to do something to lessen the stress that would bring you together as a couple. Date night, movies, foot massage - anything intimate and special. Good luck.

I agree, where there's a will, there's a way... Always.

But, only if you both are truly committed.

Sounds like you need a date.