So... after dating for well over 3 years I was dumped for a guy online she's still never met about 5 months ago. We stayed neutral friends and didn't really hang out but talked occasionally. She broke up with me for the most part because I was not giving her enough attention the last month of our relationship. I was playing with my friends too much and I was kind of in the state of mind that nothing could go wrong because I was so happy we were getting married.

Her not having much friends could not enjoy talking about me with someone all the time so and she tells me now she felt like I was drifting away and didn't like her as much. She met this guy on some site and he made her feel important blah blah blah, they clicked and she broke my heart telling me a month into flirting with him.

Anyway... its been about 5 months and he's giving her excuses every day that he can not talk because of work. But I make about the same as him without ignoring my ex for 2 weeks straight like him. I talk to her about once or twice a day on IM. I've been bringing up getting back together but she has changed into a super attention whore. I don't want to be a guy she falls back on but I don't want to be without her.

We were 3 months away from getting married before this all happened and we were happier than ever the month before I started hanging out with my friends like every night. I have a stable job now and I'm not addicted to my friends and video games all night : P so I think I can give her the attention she needs but she's not sure about being together because of what she did to me.

Plus she really still likes this guy... I don't really understand it, the way he treats her. She sent him a message the other day telling him that it was over pretty much if he didn't straighten up, but I don't really see it happening since he doesn't even talk to her for 2 weeks straight now! Today we went to dinner and a movie, I feel bad for taking her out in her most vulnerable time.

Does anyone have any advice? I'm going crazy.

Do you know most of the time when a man cheats its for sex... but when a woman cheats or in this case leaves you... majority of the time its for attention and affection... you took her for granted which is never a good thing in a relationship... if you don't love and cherish her then be prepared to lose her because someone else will... I can't blame her for wanting to leave you honestly from a woman's perspective.. you in all but so many words put her on the back burner and told her ill be back when IM ready... I went through something very similar when I was married... my husband used to stay out all the time with his friends was never home... now granted we were at the end of our marriage by this time however... when someone started paying me attention it felt good... it drew me even further away from him... I never cheated on him but you get what I'm saying here... neglecting the woman you love can make even the happiest of relationships miserable to her... if you want to be with her then you guys need to sit down and talk it out... tell her that you can be there and be what she needs and to allow you the chance to make it right... and if you tell her this then mean it and follow what you say you are going to do... or else you're just going to lose her again...

I can't believe she would leave without talking, and think there is more to this story. That she balks now that you have learned your lesson is another troublesome thing. Sounds more like you have been screwing up longer than just a month my friend, and she has been unsatisfied with you for a while now.

I don't know, maybe she is punishing you for being a very bad boy, or maybe she is just passing time until something better comes along. Forget the marriage plans though as there is too much that's not working here to even consider it.

Maybe that's at the heart of this whole thing, she doesn't want to marry you. You better find out, or walk away.

I agree with the whole marriage part... and just want to reitterate that neglecting a woman is by far one of the WORST things you can do to her... take it from a woman who has had that happen on more then one occasion.. its sucks...

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Originally Posted by lickemlolly

do you know most of the time when a man cheats its for sex...but when a woman cheats or in this case leaves you...majority of the time its for attention and affection...you took her for granted which is never a good thing in a relationship...if you dont love and cherish her then be prepared to lose her because someone else will...i can't blame her for wanting to leave you honestly from a womans perspective..you in all but so many words put her on the back burner and told her ill be back when IM ready...i went through something very similar when i was married...my husband used to stay out all the time with his friends was never home...now granted we were at the end of our marriage by this time however...when someone started paying me attention it felt good...it drew me even further away from him...i never cheated on him but you get what im saying here...neglecting the woman you love can make even the happiest of relationships miserable to her...if you want to be with her then you guys need to sit down and talk it out...tell her that you can be there and be what she needs and to allow you the chance to make it right...and if you tell her this then mean it and follow what you say you are going to do...or else youre just going to lose her again...

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We were apart a lot during her college because our colleges are so far away I could only visit once or twice a month. We had some of the best days that school year. Looking back on it now, I realize that soon after she came back is when I started hanging out with my friends. I feel so terrible, I want to make this work so bad, I have my priorities in check. I just can't have her going behind my back when I'm at work. She almost never sleeps. : P I think if we get back together I'll be super paranoid about that. Last month I've been working this job and its quiet all night. It keeps my head clear and all I can think about is her. I want this to work so bad : /

If you can't trust her then the relationship will not work.

Take some time to gain perspective and work out if you really want it to work.

If she can go from wanting to marry you to dumping you in a few months without you knowing then it seems there may be deeper issue.

You have a lot of reconnecting to do before you get to a marriage thing, and its possible that you are more willing than she is to make it work. I think what she is doing is somewhat manipulative and unless you build good communications this will never work in my opinion. Marriage is NOT a celebration of fun, it's a commitment to deal with what ever life throws at you together.

You better go very slow and pay attention to more than just having a good time, or winning her back as you both have a lot to learn about each other.

Hugostrange22, I have found myself in a similar situation regarding Internet relationships and my ex girlfriend. This isn't advice, just a question that I had to ask myself and one that you will have to as well. With computers being so much a part of everones current lives and possibly more so in the future, how are you going to feel when you see her on a computer? Are you going to wonder if she's talking to him? For me every time I saw the ex on our computer I thought of the other guy and wondered if they talked that day. I realised that after we broke up that it was a terrible feeling to have in a relationship, and it probably would never have gone away.

All the best mate.

If you dont fix whats wrong or what went wrong, then youre wasting her time and yours, you cannot go backwards, and unless you deal wiith the problems, you wont go forwards either.

Also you wouldnt go out for a macdonalds if you have a fillet steak at home.

Face It Fix It or Throw It. you decide...

Seems to me you are more willing than she is to solve differences, and if she is being wined, dined, and chased, she sure as hell better forgive me pretty darn quick, or her new cyber boyfriend can take her out! But then again I don't let feelings out weigh facts. Fact is, you both have grievances about the others behavior, and how you're treated, and getting over those hurdles, is a lot more important than jumping through hoops, and performing to stroke her ego.

I would be wanting to discuss the issues, and get beyond them. At least reach a workable compromise.

She broke up with him : / she seems like she needs some space, I feel kind of bad : /

Then why haven't you given it to her?

That's a good question.. you should give her the space she needs... real simple

So you and the girl have split up and yet you say you and she were getting married.

So if you were getting married why did you refer to her as a attention whore,? is that how you speak to her? if so no wonder shes gone off you and onto someone else.

Leave her alone to have space and move on with your life, I wouldnt marry someone who made a remark like that about me. So I think you need to rethink your approach to her. or forget it.

You need to get your priorities straight.

No boo-hooing after the fact.

You have some serious growing up to do.

Good lesson here. Can't blame her.

Stop investigating her. Remove the drama until you figure out what exactly it is you want.

"she sent him a message the other day telling him that it was over pretty much if he didn't straighten up, but I don't really see it happening since he doesn't even talk to her for 2 weeks straight now!"

"Today we went to dinner and a movie, I feel bad for taking her out"

So don't. Feel good instead. She's got a boyfriend, not for you to decide.

So I'm trying to work this out, she was having a relationship with the Internet guy before you guys broke up? And now you are taking her out for dinner and movies while she is still with the other guy? Maybe you need to take a step back and try and gain some clarity on the situation. I'm no expert though!