I have been with my boyfriend for 5 months. We are very happy together and we got serious quite quickly, we have talked about marriage. I have never felt this way about someone and he says he feels the same way. The issue is that he still keeps in touch with one of his exes. I wouldn't mind too much but she was very significant to him and he speaks of her fondly and I feel a little jealous. She usually contacts him he doesn't really contact her. I am sure she is a nice person and I know that it is a positive thing that he they have remained friends but I really don't like it. I don't know how to feel better about this. Any advice would be appreciated

Five months is quick to get serious, but some people do know very early on when something is right.

Do you know if he has talked about you with her? Is she aware of the seriousness of your relationship? Does she live close by? Is she in a relationship? How often do they talk? Does he talk freely about her, no hiding the fact that they still talk now and then? That he speaks fondly about her with you sounds like he feels secure in your relationship and he is not hiding anything from you.

I pang of jealously now and then is not a bad thing... but focus on the positive. It sounds like he isn't trying to hide the fact that they talk once in awhile. He mentions her to you. He doesn't really initiate the contact with her.

I think you should find out, how he really feels about you. And find out if there are any flames still alit between him and his ex. Listen to his responses and go with your instincts. You will know if he is seriously into you and that there is nothing to worry about.

Kimberley

Thanks for yor replies, I appreciate you taking the time to answer.

We did get serious quickly and I never got serious that quickly before but we both feel that we are experiencing something special.
He has told her about me but I don't know if she knows how serious we are. She is not in a relationship and they did speak every week or so. He doesn't hide anything as far as I can tell, he will tell me if there has been contact. I don't really thonk he has feelings for her at all but I don't know about her. I have had a bad experience in the past with an ex reappearing and messing things up for me so I am always wary of them!

I think its much too soon to start rearranging someone else's life, or get carried away by future possibilities. Why not just enjoy at an emotionally safe distance as more facts present themselves?

That way at least you can have fun getting to know each other a lot better. 5 months is barely scratching the surface of truly knowing someone. Even though the feelings are intense right now, they will surely settle down, when the "honeymoon period" is over, and reality sets in. That's when you find out what you really have gotten yourself into.

Why wait for him to answer your concerns. Why not address them yourself.

Have a dinner party, have him invite her over. She can bring a date, or not.

Your jealousy may be very displaced, if he's doing nothing wrong in maintaining a relationship with an ex during the five months you two have been together.

In fact, it is a plus in my opinion, that he is mature enough to do that.

Had he suddenly struck up a friendship with her, after being with you for say, a few years, then I would be concerned.

But, if she is a friend, she's been a friend a lot longer than the two of you have been together. Why should he stop communicating.

Again, thank you for your replies.

I don't think meeting her is an option, I don't really want that, I just feel uncomfortable with the situation and would like to feel more relaxed about it, I honestly don't think there is anything between them and am hoping she may just realise that we are serious about each other and maybe keep communication to a minimum. I know this isn't really a problem, I just have had an ex, a so called friend,(in a previous relationship) cause problems. There is no evidence that this girl will do that but I am wary and feel a little panicky when I know she has been in touch. So its really more about my feelings than what might or might not happen between them. I know I am probably being silly to feel like this.

Do you know how long they have been broken up, or why??

They have been broken up for a few years, I think the relationship had just run its course.

I'm the type to keep relatively in touch with my exes, while my girlfriend is not.

Granted, I don't talk to my exes weekly... we do chat/call one another every few months.

In my case, I feel absolutely nothing for my exes anymore, but since we shared somewhat of a time frame of our lives together, and we were good friends once, I feel it harmless to continue a friendship. So if your boyfriend's the type to be like that, I wouldn't worry so much about it. If he's being honest and up front to you about it, then I wouldn't worry.

If he starts hiding his phone, being secretive, etc. then yeah, I could see how this could be a problem.

I generally stay away from those that have exes very prominently in their lives, but being broken up for a few years, then I would just have trust in her word, and recognize the honesty. Relax, and see what happens without being insecure, would be the mature way to handle yourself. Trust is fine, and he seems to be earning it, but no reason to not temper that trust with good old fashion being alert, and paying attention.

I somewhat agree,in logic,with Isneezefunny.If he was the type to hide,he wouldn't have been so open about his ex.

Having said that,I also agree that having the constant nagging presence of his ex might trigger any dormant insecurity/self-esteem issues in yourself,more so if you are prone to those.

Like I keep saying,in such cases,and anyway always in a relationship COMMUNICATION IS KEY.Communication that's open,frank,direct and not emotional,offensive or dramatic.If you feel you have something special here,you say that because there's a certain comfort level with this guy,right?And am sure that means you can really talk to him.Why not share your thoughts,ask questions(without appearing insecure/jealous/suspicious,basically anything negative)?

Promise yourself this is a one-time conversation,so ask/share all that you want and then promise yourself to not bring this topic up again and again.Guys don't get a girl's need for reassurance and might just think you are too insecure about yourself,or worse still,don't trust him enough.

Get clarity and resolve to let go then and there,but if you aren't convinced then do a re-think/re-check on your relationship.Maybe you would like to take a small step back,allow some space to have old issues/baggage settled,on both ends and then move to the next level.

He has definitely been open about the friendship and initially did speak about her freely, however that's part of the problem.. he told me some things I didn't need to know (just things that would indicate that they shared a strong bond) so I do find it hard to mention her without sounding a bit insecure and jealous.. and that frustrates him as he doesn't see any reason for me to feel that way. I do have self esteem issues, I guess I wouldn't be bothered by this if I was more secure in myself.

I am hoping though that she may have decided not to maintain their friendship now as she hasn't been in touch as much lately as she used to be, perhaps she has realised that their friendship is not as important to him as it was (as he doesn't initiate the contact) and is moving on.

I'm presuming that the 'some things' he told you that you would rather not have known, were some intimate details of their relationship, that he should have kept to himself. I would not want to hear about my boyfriends relationship details. If I'm getting your drift here.

Just thinking out loud here, but if a partner/husband/boyfriend of anyone, shared too many details about every relationship, think how uncomfortable that would be.

I can see why this would bother you.

Like Tal said, I would take the high road here too, and with there being less contact, and none of it initiated by him, signs are good for the two of you.

Keep you eyes open as Sneeze says, and realize that there are no obvious secrets or roadblocks he's set up to deceive you.

Just want to clarify, he didn't tell me any intimate details at all - just some things that had happened to them in their relationship that brought them closer together.

The thing that always gets me is that sometimes people really think they know some one after a really short time. 5 months is a very short time, and there is yet more to find out about each others character, ways, habits, and even how they think.

You are still on good behavior with each other and defining what your doing, but always be aware there is more to learn, and this learning process has a long way to go. Keep the mind open, and take nothing personally, as personal emotions distract from seeing reality.

If I were you, I would assume nothing, especially the feelings, motives, or actions of his ex. You just don't know, but you do know yourself, and as hard as it may be, the important thing is be honest with yourself, and as honest with him, as he seems to be with you.

I know that we have only been together a short time so I do realise that I have a lot to learn about him I just don't want someone else coming between us at this stage. I think she may be backing off a bit though so hopefully she will keep her distance and we can continue to get to know each other.

Thanks again to everyone that has taken the time to answer, you have given me some really good advice.