Im a 23 yr old gay female so I know a lot of people will not answer or just judge me on that, but please actually read and help me figure it out...

My girlfriend has two diff mental disorders something called IED and multi personality... which both suck! Well, half way through our relationship both of them started to act up severely and it was killing us both inside. What it came down to was she was miserable and because she felt that way I was unhappy too. Her mind was feeling claustrophobic and caged in.. It didn't know what it wanted but her heart didn't want to let me go and loved me very much...

So, we opened our relationship up which made both her mental issues practically disappear except on the rare occasion which is great because her other personality was really angry and hateful. Well just the rel being opened release the caged in feeling and she rarely uses the rel to her advantage.

She loves me too much or, at least cares too much to go out because she sees the pain it causes me so I have to force her but when she does go out its always with an ex!! Shell ALWAYS offer to stay so I'm happy but I know it makes her unhappy so I insist on her going...

What I don't get is why her mind got so bad. Was I doing something wrong, am I doing something wrong that we have to have our rel like this to make her mind satisfied? I mean half our rel has been open and she's only taken actual advantage of it twice then went out with a diff ex as a friend once before and left 3 hrs ago for the whole weekend with that same ex who is like her best frriend but I don't doubt something will happen.

I just need to know if it truly is her and her mind of if I'm just the safe option she just wants to keep around that's why she always tries to put me first in front of herself.

I want to believe she really does love me but I don't know why her mind would NEED physical relations or at least know the option is there to be physical with someone else.

PLEASE HELP ME!!


I also just had our son a month ago so my postpartum was and is acting up really badly too! Could my depression and insecurities be driving her away from me also?

Where to start? Its both of you the way I see it as I think you are defining your relationship on false boundaries, and I don't think your partner is all that honest, plus to be fair, maybe you are being a tad manipulated. Just having had a child may be a factor, a big one, as you are recovering from a traumatic life changing event, and I don't think your partner is as supportive as YOU think she can be.

Now lets be real, as you know nothing of her disorders, or how to help her, so you give in to whatever works for HER!

I would read up on what she has said, and if she is not seeking help, then she is not helping herself. Maybe she can't help it, maybe she is lying to get what she wants. I don't know, neither do you. What I do know is that you have given her a free reign to do as she pleases, without regard to your needs, or feelings and this is something that has to be discussed, and laid all out on the table.

For sure there is a better agreement to be made and should be. Healthy couples communicate so they can work well together and resolve their differences to the benefit of you both, and she isn't healthy and neither are you YET.

I hope you focus on your child, and get yourself back together, and keep seeing a doctor, and see if you need help to get through this childbirth depression, before you worry about what your partner is doing. At least then one of you may be healthy enough to give the right help to their partner, or make good decisions as to your situation.

Was she diagnosed while you were together? What sort of treatment is she receiving?
Both of these disorders require careful management.

You have a new baby to think about, so your values may have changed as a new mom. But most of all, you need to decide what kind of life, relationship, and family you want. If you are getting it, great. But it does not sound like it. Is this a healthy way to raise your child? There needs to be some therapy on her part, possibly some support group you can attend. But there needs to be a decision made for you... and if you choose to stay you need to learn how to deal with her disorders from professionals.

Intermittent Explosive Disorder, and Multiple Personality Disorder (Dissociative Identity Disorder), are two, very serious disorders, that require a Psychiatrist to diagnose, and treat. Untreated is not an option. That is the first issue, is to have her, if you can, see a Psychiatrist to properly assess her, and discuss treatment options.

That being said, and if these disorders are in fact, identified and diagnosed, there is not much you can do on your own to 'help' her. To deal with a person so mentally disturbed (presuming she is not under treatment of any sort), is an impossible situation to be in.

I personally don't think that you can expect a healthy relationship, under the circumstances you have described, without getting these concurrent disorders under control.

If I were in your shoes, I would insist that my partner get help. Otherwise, you are in a relationship that will always be one sided, and unhealthy- for you.

Do your best, and I get the impression you care about her very much- she is so lucky to have you in her corner. But be cautious in expecting changes, until her issues are addressed.

She has been diagnosed with both of these from many doctors but... the meds she was on didn't help much. If you know anything about IED it does what it wants whenever... she can be completely happy and playing one minute and angry the next and not be able to control what's happening. Usually right before or after is when her other personality came out too. Her IED has been linked to her mind state and the feeling of restlessness and claustrophobia by a health care provider.


I wish I could say I was just being walked on but I FORCE her to use our relationship... she won't go out or do anything because of me, but I can tell when she is starting to get restless. Being with her through all of this I can see it in her eyes... if she is unhappy why wouldn't she leave I give her that option all the time. Yes my depression is bad and niether of us are healthy but I'm a wonderful mother and can manage it when he's around, and its probably not the best for him to grow up in but she loves him that I know is true. Am I really just naïve? We have talked to the docs and she's trying to get help and her head doc even said do anything to keep her mind from feeling enclosed. I just hate not knowing if I'm doing something wrong to cause her claustrophobia or not? What else can I do neither of us will end things?


Right now I'm really upset because she is leaving in less than a month for basic training and this weekend was the last time we had to actually spend together her and I alone... because baby is away this weekend then I get him back tomorrow and he won't be gone again till the 13th and that weekend I have plans every single day with my nephew for his birthday then get baby back that sun she leaves the following tues... but she is gone with someone else. I insisted on her going and realized only hrs before she left this was our only time left together... I feel as though I'm just letting my postpartum get to me too and I shouldn't even be questioning our rel

TooOpen- take a couple of deep breaths, and try to slow down a bit.

You have a lot on your plate. I was going to mention a few things during my first response to your post, but waited to see what the medical condition truly was.

Without knowing your partner, there isn't any way that I can take an educated guess as to what is related to medication/therapy/diagnosis, and what is not. If she were to post herself, with some history, and offer some insight as to why nothing has essentially worked for her, it would be helpful to see where you are coming from with all of your concerns.

Yes, it is possible that people have some pretty heavy excuses for their behaviour, that most of us wouldn't question. It is sort of what is because of the condition, vs. what is in spite of the condition. In other words, just like any person untreated for an illness, excuses play a role. I am not in any way, shape, or form suggesting that she is using her illness as an excuse for her bad behaviour, only saying that it is possible she prefers not to be helped professionally, because she likes her life the way it is.

If she has been treated many times in the past, and nothing has worked, or she has not chosen a path of directing her own treatment/recovery, that is something only you or someone else close to her that knows her history, can determine.

You are left with a person who seems to take up so much of your emotional energy. When are you the nurtured one. When is the relationship healthy and strong for you. Who has your back, and how do your needs balance against the needs of your partner.

Any relationship where true affection and love is, unfortunately sometimes, leaves us unable to see that needs are not being met. To what extent is not my call. It's yours. Whether you are a gay couple or a straight couple, matters not one iota. It matters only that the relationship is healthy.

Have you thought about your long term future with this woman, or where do you see the relationship heading without some changes. And what do you see are changes that need to be met. Be selfish and consider yourself worthy of a stable relationship. What do you want, and what do you need, vs. what is not there.

We've all been where you are now if I'm anywhere in the ballpark here. You certainly aren't alone with your concerns.

Just as a side: did she disclose her diagnosis when she enlisted? Do you know if they are aware of the situation and the lack of effective treatment?

Personally, I would be cautious in regard to the baby since these disorders are not currently being treated.

How do you truly feel about the open relationship and sharing her? I can only imagine that it must be like walking on egg shells much of the time. Perhaps her being away for an extended period will give you the space to give careful consideration about how things are and where they are going without intervention.