Literally getting "sick" from Taking Time Off
Hi,
To make the story short.
I am worried that I might get sick again from another time off.
I was in engaged a year and a half ago, when my ex got a job in another country and suddenly asked for time off. It was 4 months before the engagement party. I found out that all along he had intentions of breaking up with me but asked for time off as a way to eventually break up with me. I did no contact, but was extremely hard. I worked and focused on myself, but I ended up weighing 100 lb, unable to eat, started getting brown spots and ended up feeling tired everyday do to lack of sleep and food.
I did everything could pick myself up and I thought I did, but my body was telling me otherwise. Eventually, I found out his intentions and somehow I overcame the ordeal with a broken heart and a weak immune system. Of course I got over it after a year, and my friend set me up with somebody.
I was ready and now dating him for 8 months now. But my boyfriend currently works overtime and he did tell me that he would be busy and asked me not to get the wrong impression that he didn't care. So, we made plans to eat dinner a couple of times a week.
But after a big miscommunication, both of us simply felt sour and tired. He asked for time off, saying he was exhausted with work and with the relationship. I was stunned. I understand the stress level with work, but didn't know he felt this overwhelmed. He asked me to really think about the relationship and see if I can put up with his busy schedule be okay with it-if it is contributing to the stress in the relationship or not.
I was upset with the miscommunication and I felt he was taking this matter really seriously, saying that this was a pattern in our relationship.
Either way, I felt a surge of anxiety. It was déjà vu. I had heard something so similar from my ex and the first thing I felt was concern for my own well-being. I am scared that I will fall into the same pattern and end up losing my health again. I fear that this is also an excuse to break up.
Do guys come back and contact and really mean "time off?"
I don't want false hope but don't want to jump into conclusions either. Yet, I've been burnt really bad before and don't know what to do.
Should I contact him and explain or simply follow the NC rule? So confused.:confused:
Sorry for the typos.
Resolving problems and resentments.
If you take a break and don't realize what's wrong and have a solution to fix it, then what's the point? Why do you have to take a break in the first place when there are problems to be resolved. Its not the breaks, or the break ups, but the lack of honest communications and a willingness to work together that's the problem.
How else can you make adjustments along the way that benefits both partners? Sure you can take a break, and miss having each other, and get back together, but does that solve anything? Hardly ever, and those issues always come back to bite you no matter how deep you bury them, or how hard you ignore them. They just never go away until you face them, and resolve them.
My niece asked my wife why we have been together for so long, and her answer was that we communicate and over time come to a resolution of what must be done, so we can make the adjustments together. We both like to solve our differences in a mature way, and that does take time, and patience, and sometimes you just have to back off and cool off.
Honest communications is totally expressing how you feel, and being able to listen, and understand how your partner feels. Then you can work on you both benefiting from the plan that calls for changes and adjustments so you both are happy.
That's the thing, knowing what to give, and being happy with what you get. Starts with honesty, between you, and anything less seldom works for you both. Facts, and NOT just feelings. If you are not patient with each other, and know when to push a point, and back off when you have to. Emotions rule, and no progress can be made.
Quote:
Quote by jan100;
Yet, I think I kind of knew the relationship was not working because there was so much resentment on my part and tension between us.
And how did you present this to him?? Where did it come from, how did you deal with it??