I just went through a break-up with my girlfriend. Obviously, I'm going to be hurt and I know what comes next. But what I cannot get my head around is the fact that for some reason I cannot let her out of my mind. She was engaged for a year before we met to someone that did everything wrong. And it was over a long time before it officially was. We me two weeks after that. I know, I know, I should have taken things very very very slow, but everything just felt so right about us. The connection we had, everybody said this, was something you never see, something that you only get to hear about or watch in movies and wish your life was the same. She explicitly told me I was the perfect boyfriend, this and that, until 6 weeks into the relationship, without warning, she got distant. Yes, 6 weeks was all and it rips me apart. My thoughts are that she never properly healed, she needs to deal with all the other stresses in her life that were not involved with her ex. I want to wish that she's doing this because she knows what she has and needs to heal before she allows herself to fall back into commitment with me. But what kills me is that I don't know if that's true or not, whether she really wants me at all. Why am I even having these thoughts? Why does a relationship lasting 42 days make me anxious and always wondering? I'm one to put things behind me quickly and move on, not simmer and wallow about what was. So I am at a loss how, 7 days into NC, I cannot get this girl out of my mind. Your thoughts are appreciated.

One more piece of info, our families ,actually unknowingly at the time, planned vacations to Hilton Head for the same week. When we broke up, she told me that she wasn't ready for commitment and she had those feelings before we met down on the beach. They went away while we were down there together and everything was perfect, we had fun, she cried when I told her how beauitful she was when we watched the stars on the beach at night. But the moment we got back was when it all came crashing down. So I guess that's why I see what she says is legitimate and why I think the stress had a big role too, but I just want others input, based upon what I've said, how this can affect me so greatly, how do I let her go, and should I expect from her feelings that I will one day have her again. Thanks all.

7 days is not a very long time.

Check out the no contact related threads in my signature, especially the one about fighting your urges to break NC.

The pain gets worst before it gets better. But once it reaches the highest point, it will only get easier from there.

Stick to NC. If you break the rules, it will only prolong the pain and suffering as you will be resetting any progress.

Be patient with yourself. Distract yourself as much as possible so that you're too busy to think about the past.

I'm doing NC now. It is hard because there is no pill or shot to make you stop caring, loving, or feeling. Schedule your pity party; don't over do it maybe 20 min. a day. You can only overthink about one thing at a time so do something new.

When you are the type of person that doesn't fall often you tend to think the one you do fall for is "the one". But truth is you like a certain type of woman and there is another one out there. Don't focus on why she left and if she really just wanted to go back to her ex. All you know is that you know she can't give you what you want. It's important to kill the fairy tale thinking. If you have in the back of your mind, "She's going to heal, come back to me,and we're going to be better than ever," you will never really move on and you will live on repeat. For example, after the first time my ex and I first broke up I still had great expectations. I hoped that time apart would make us mature and then finally we would live happily ever after and then he would be the person I knew he could be, but that was youthful thinking. This type of "hope" allowed me to let him come in and out of my life as he pleased because I thought we were meant to be. When you think someone is special you place them above common sense dating rules. I never said Goodbye, it was more of a see you later. But this time I have said Goodbye. I have changed all contact info and we have no mutal friends. You are going to have to accept that it's over forever because that is your reality. Don't live in the future of what might be or what could be because your thoughts will torment you today. And all you have is now. And right now, she is gone.

What did you learn about yourself that can make you a better man? Take your lessons and begin to put them into action. You can live without her. YOu can be happy without her. You will meet someone else when you are ready. You will get over her.

7 days is hardly long enough for the NC rules to have taken effect, and at this early stage you are going to miss her very much so and she won't be out of your head until you start to put her out of it.

You and she got into a relationship far too soon after her last one ended, she didn't leave it even long enough for the dust to settle, and now she realised she needs to be on her own, to get her head around all that's gone on, and to process that and put it all into perspective, and then she herself will be moving on. However you need to prepare for it being that she chooses to move on alone.

It will get easier in time, its not over night but in a few weeks time you will be much more on your way to being over it. Please be patient.

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Originally Posted by bigexecutiveguy

My thoughts are that she never properly healed. . .

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You are correct sir.

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Originally Posted by bigexecutiveguy

. . . but I just want others input, based upon what I've said, how this can affect me so greatly, how do I let her go, and should I expect from her feelings that I will one day have her again. Thanks all.

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As having been in your shoes many times, I can say with a 100% guarantee you will not have her again. You were a rebound.

Continue what your doing, stay NC and you'll move on.

The others have put it quite well, and in fact I can only add that its important to be patient, as your emotional dust will settle, and will take a lot more than 7 days.

Stay with NC!

Rebound relationships rarely work.
You both moved too fast. She wasn't over the other one. NC

I would like to just suggest something in addition to the excellent advice you have already been given.

Try learning from what you have gone through, and what you are going through, in a concrete way. Sure time heals wounds, but lingering thoughts and unrealistic dreams unfulfilled, may last a lifetime, and get in the way of developing a healthier relationship.

You seem a little stuck on the fairytail notion that things were 'perfect', and that the intense attraction between the two of you, was special or unique. I don't want to break your bubble, but that alone is worth thinking about. Not seeing the forest for the trees comes to mind.

If you can write your thoughts out in a brutally honest fashion, and critique both yourself, and her, and then the relationship in a third column, you will see that nothing was perfect. There would have been signs, there would have been instinctual little red flags, and other thoughts that were put on the back burner, while you enjoyed the euphoria of falling in love.

It isn't enough to wish thoughts and feelings about another person after an intense relationship (no matter how short) away. NC does not solve deeper issues of self awareness, in a practical way, so that you can identify and separate the good from the bad, when a relationship turns sour. You are working backwards, and that makes it all the more difficult. The immediate NC will allow you some time and space to reflect, and is a very good tool to use.

That you cannot get her out of your head, to me, means you are still thinking in a far too emotional way, and you need to stop that! ;) Instead, try the suggestions given, and look at yourself and the situation, as an outsider would.

Good luck.

I wrote a "letter" and it really helped me be honest about myself and the relationship. Good points.

Thanks all, I really needed the straight up truth, no matter how brutal it may have been. Of course, when I read it, I felt like I died inside, but over the next few hours, I realized my mind had been telling me that all along and that my heart was just getting in the way. Ironically, I saw an inscription I carved into a tree about 5 years ago yesterday where I swore my love to this girl that I dated for a year. She ripped my heart out as well, if not worse if I do believe. I wrote "I <3 SB". I looked at it dumbfounded and laughed because I hadn't thought of her in almost 3 years... just goes to show me that there is a light at the end of the tunnel no matter how bleak or grim the situation looks. Life goes on. Thanks again everybody, you have no idea how much I appreciate your honesty!