Yesterday my boyfriend told me he was going out with his friend for coffee and I was totally OK with that, but than after a couple of hours later I called him and he didn't answer the phone the first time so I called him again in a couple of seconds and he sounded it out of breath which made me wounder what he was doing. So I asked him where he was and he ended up saying the reason he didn't answer the phone the first time was because he couldn't find it, and he had to run outside that made no sense to me so I asked him where he was and he ended up telling me that he was at a strip club and he knows I hate those places and when he told me he felt bad I could tell in his voice. When he told me that I got sooooooooo mad that I told him to of and I turned my phone off. He msged me on msn but I told him he ed up and to leave me alone. He called to day telling me he loves me and that these strip clubs mean nothing but I feel horrible when he goes and he knows I hate it do you think I'm over reacting? I love him soooooo much but I hate it when he even watches porn but that I don't mind that much. These strip clubs I really don't want him going to! His friend is single ofcouse he can go why not but my boyfriend well ex now he had a girlfriend and he just didn't care or even respect my feelings by going. Help did I do the right thing or am I taking this over board??

HELP CONSFUSED!

I have found women to have a double standard on this. They say that only perverts go to clubs featuring female strippers but if the Chippendales come to town... get out of there way they are there dollar bills in hand.

Your boyfriend was wrong to have lied to him but you gave him no choice. He could look like a pu*%$ to his buddy or lie to you. You've got to understand that men are visual beings, they get aroused by pretty girls wearing skimpy outfits, but they do not fall in love with them because those girls want one thing... their money.

If you really love this guy then yes, I think you overreacted and if you did get him back I think you two can come to an agreement where he is allowed an occasional visual pleasure... as long as he comes home to you.

Best wishes,
dwalex

I've never met ANY man that has given up looking at porn, simply to 'impress' (or in this case, 'bow down') to a woman, and the only reason he lied was so as not to hurt you... but you got hurt in the end which is why you are so angry right now.

Dwalex is right that no man likes to look like a pu**y in front of his homeys, as well it will do few things:
1) make his friends question what type of relationship he is in (hopeful or doomed)
2) create resentment towards you (because, simply put, you aren't letting him do things that he would do regularly)
3) create unnecessary tension in the relationship.

There are something's you shouldn't stand for, but looking at boobs and such doesn't warrant him cheating on you.

I don't understand either, why is it OK for men to look at a real pu s s y, and enjoy it and spend money on another girl when he has it at home. If he got a lap dance then bye bye that is cheating! Men see pus sy enough to deal with it in real life not media is hard. If he lied there's no trust he needs to respect how you feel. And impress you not his mates. Because its you and him at the end of the day. Why he feels he needs to see another women naked I don't understand like you. Its very expensive and single yes but if you have a girlfriend why waste your money, I would never go to see a man naked its deperate.

I agree with what dwalex and orb have just said.

I don't think it should cause a problem, or you should feel particularly insecure about it unless;

a) He gets a lapdance, or any other form of an intimate act... in which case I would say this is cheating.
b) He doesn't come home.
c) He doesn't want to be intimate in the bedroom with you anymore.

I don't think just "looking" is anything bad.

Oh man didn't look at the date... 2003 :|

I know these posts are very old and Im not sure if anyone will respond. I myslef can say this is a very sensative issue. My boyfirend started going to a strip club a few months back and hid it from me. I found out and told him I'm not OK with him going and it bothers me. I do feel insecure and don't understand why he goes there. He was going like 4 times a week. He has stopped going as much but id say 2 times a week but then there are times he won't go for like 10 days. This has caused a major issue in our relationship. He says him going is no big deal. He says he doesn't stay out late and comes home to me. He says some of those girls are now his friends. He claims that he doesn't pay for lap dances but how do you spend $100-$250 in a 1-2 hour period if its just on drinks? Ive asked him to take me there with him and he says its his time away. Ive heard some really bad things go on there. Like drugs and guys going into the private rooms and getting bj's and using their fingers on the girls. It toally disgusts me. I love him very much and I just don't know what to do. Am I overreacting?

Oh I forgot to mention this strip club is topless and full contact which means they can both touch and feel on each other. It makes me feel like he goes there to get turned on but he says that's not true. He just goes there to have his away time and a few beers. So I asked him why can't he go to a regualr bar. He says its because he now has friends there. We do still have sex on a regualr basis. Im so confused. I don't get it. I would love to hear some feed back.