I have a 20 year old daughter who has, it seems, everything she wanted. She has a partner she has been with for the past 4 years, a flat, a baby, a 'mother-in-law' who lives near by. She will not answer my texts/emails/calls even those just asking e.g. everything OK? When I have seen her she is very subdued (well with a new baby that's understandable) passive, no joy. I have bought clothes, cot etc , helped financially and in person with new flat and baby although she has not said thank you (I have not brought that up though). She has self harmed in the past and I am concerned she may be doing the same by picking at herself now - several sores that will not heal. If she is suffering from depression what can I do to help? I am scared of sending her even further away from us.

If your afraid for her well being you could ask her boyfriend,make it clear its only out of love and concern and you don't want to interfer,but only that your very worried about her.

That's if your on good terms with him.

How about another member of your family,if she won't talk to you maybe her dad,or an aunt,grandparent?

She is independent from you now,its going to be difficult to open the lines of communication,but at least if she is talking to someone you may have a little head peace.

Thank you for your answer. I really appreciate any advice. I have tried to speak to her boyfriend but now even he won't answer. She won't speak to anyone in the family I am getting worried not only about her but also my grand daughter although I am hoping that boyfriend's mother wouldn't let anything really bad happen.

I'm sure she is a good grandmother also.

Your between a rock and a hard place.


Can you speak to his mother?

Would she help,or least give you peace of mind that she will keep and eye on things.

I would speak to his mother but I am worried that if my daughter found out, and I am sure she woulod, it may make things worse. If she thinks I am 'interfering' or 'going behind her back'. The rock/hard place thing is so true... I really am stuck.

OK,but if your really concerned,does being 'labeled' interfering really bother you?

If would not bother me,if your concern is true,and honest and coming from your heart,then all that matters is she's OK.

At the very least you will be flagging it to someone in her circle.

That's all you can do for now.

Hopefully things will improve.

Other posters will post advice that may be more helpful too you.

Keep an eye on your post.

Thank you for your interest and help.

Do you know why she is treating you this way? Maybe she is just wanting some space from her immediate family. You could try leaving her alone for a week or two and them asking her to just go out to lunch or something and try to build back a relationship with her. Sometimes things just need time and space. If you write more detail about your relationship with her, people could probably give you better advice.

Yes I agree I have tried not to email/text etc. for a couple of weeks. I'll try the invite next week. I can't think of anything the family has done to make her want to break ties. There hasn't been any arguments or disagreements or even any irriatations. Last time she was here things seemed OK although I was wary of saying anything that could be taken the wrong way. I guess the only thing I can do is wait until she is ready and hope that happens. However, on the other hand I don't want her to think we don't care, if she is depressed might that make things worse?