My ex boyfriend and I were in a relationship for about three years. We were inseparable and were madly in love. He was my best friend. He was also a very good father figure to my children as I was a good mother figure to his child. We were the perfect couple, all of our friend would joke and say we were the best couple ever! I have never felt this way for any other man before, he was the love of my life. Anyway, last August he broke up with me without any warning, he said he loved me but wasn't "in love with me anymore." I was devastated!! I begged him to take me back and he refused. So in November my friend hooked me up with another guy. Someone just to hang out with and have a good time with. Well, my ex started contacting me again and even gave me a christmas present. So I guess he felt me pulling away, he told me in Jan that he missed me and still loved me and wanted to work things out. At the time, my ex and I were still intimate. I told him I wasn't sure because he really hurt me. Anyway, we continued to talk and he was always there to help me do things like fix my flooded basement in the middle of the night, taking me to lunch, helping me in whatever way he could. Well then last month we got in a big argument and kind of stopped talking. I asked him if he was seeing anybody else and he said no, he asked me and I said no as well. Well then we stopped talking for about a month. I called him last week and he returned my call the following morning. We talked for about 20 minutes about what had been going on in our lives and then I was like let me know when you want to go get lunch and he said OK he would let me know. Then I asked him who his girlfriend was and he said I didn't know her... I was devastated and I started to cry. I told him that we had a connection that some people never experience in a lifetime... he didn't say anything and then he said I will call you to let you know when we can do lunch... I told him no lunch because he has a girlfriend now. He was like OK.. that was the end of the conversation... Im sooo sad and devastated. I want him back... he was the love of my life... what should I do?? Do you think I should walk away or do you think I still have a chance with him?? Please HELP!!

I'm sorry you're hurting. He's moved on, he is with someone else. Walk away with your dignity intact - do not contact him anymore. It's over, and as much as it hurts now, with time and distance you'll feel better. Think about it - he broke up with you in last August, that's almost a year ago. If you would've stayed away from him, you probably would be over him already and definitely not hurting the way you do now.

Dust yourself off and stick to NC. Best of luck to you.

Harshness warning

You still love your ex, but you have a new boyfriend whom you feel extremely insecure about? https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...ds-492698.html

You're definitely better off being single and finding happiness within yourself, as opposed to being constantly needy for another man in your life. Sounds like your new boyfriend is a rebound.

You and your ex are stuck on repeat. He will be calling again. He just wants to make sure he has a hold on you. Don't let him jump in and out of your life.

I agree with wish. You should be single. I know it's easy to play the victim and whine about all the messed up stuff that men do, but women have to look in mirror and ask,"why am I dating the same man over and over?" Get hobby.

Don't ever make the same mistake I did... which was going back repeatedly to a person with a child because of the past emotions and familiarity... I did it four times and the result is me being more emotionally damaged than I've ever been in my life...

What you say in your opening sounds so familiar its frightening to me... about seeming like the perfect couple, everyone saying you're a great couple, never feeling that way about another person... true love, etc...

What will happen if you do get back with this person is the first month or few months you will be in a state of bliss and be happy to have that old familiar feeling and person back in your life... but as time goes by it will deteriorate and either you or him or both of you will realize why it didn't work out before and you will end up breaking up again and being even more hurt... and even then, if you haven't broke the vicious circle, and you hang onto this feeling, it will repeat itself YET AGAIN... until you are stripped of your individuality apart from this person...


Take this from an extremely broken person, ex's are ex's for a reason... and if it didn't work out before the chances it will work out with another try are extremely slim to non-existant, like I said, at first it will seem so great, but as time goes by... it won't, and when it ends again, it'll hurt 100 times as much as it did before..

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MyBrainIsMyDrug

Don't ever make the same mistake I did... which was going back repeatedly to a person with a child because of the past emotions and familiarity... I did it four times and the end result is me being more emotionally damaged than I've ever been in my life...

What you say in your opening sounds so familiar its frightening to me... about seeming like the perfect couple, everyone saying your a great couple, never feeling that way about another person... true love, etc...

What will happen if you do get back with this person is the first month or few months you will be in a state of bliss and be happy to have that old familiar feeling and person back in your life... but as time goes by it will deteriorate and either you or him or both of you will realize why it didn't work out before and you will end up breaking up again and being even more hurt.... and even then, if you havent broke the vicious circle, and you hang onto this feeling, it will repeat itself YET AGAIN... until you are stripped of your individuality apart from this person...


Take this from an extremely broken person, ex's are ex's for a reason... and if it didn't work out before the chances it will work out with another try are extremely slim to non-existant, like I said, at first it will seem so great, but as time goes by... it wont, and when it ends again, it'll hurt 100 times as much as it did before..

---

I understand what you are saying BUT he is so different than any other man I have been with. He was my best friend... and I miss him so much... it has been almost a year since the actual breakup but has been about a month since I have actually seen him... I still cry everyday for him!! Im so devastated.. my heart aches for him. I understand that he is involved with someone else now but why does he still want to go to lunch with me then?? Why wasn't he even going to tell me that he had a new girlfriend?

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gtrip

I understand what you are saying BUT he is so different than any other man I have been with. He was my bestfriend...and I miss him soo much...it has been almost a year since the actual breakup but has been about a month since I have actually seen him....I still cry everyday for him!!! Im soo devasted..my heart aches for him. I understand that he is involved with someone else now but why does he still wanna go to lunch with me then??? why wasnt he even gonna tell me that he had a new gf??

---

Yes but the thing is you will meet someone who is totally different than him AND every other person you have ever been with. You are putting him on a pedistal that you shouldn't be putting him on... there is someone better you just haven't found them yet... Your going to miss him, but the less you think about it the better for your own health... How about instead of crying every day you put a smile on and go for a walk or hang around with friends or read or any activity... Ask yourself, do you think HE'S crying every day? Do you think he's doing to himself what your doing to yourself? I highly doubt it, sure in the back of his mind there may be some thoughts there, but nothing like what your enduring. Maybe he still wants to go to lunch because he believes you guys can function as friends, but from how your talking it should be obvious to yourself that you wouldn't be able to handle a friendship since you are still so emotionally attached... As far as not telling you why he has a new girlfriend... could be a few things, maybe he thought it would hurt you and would be a lot for you to take but he decided to tell you anyway out of pure honesty...

The point is that your in no position emotionally to be able to be friends with this person and your still hanging onto the past which is a very dangerous thing to do, take it from a veteran at doing that.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Gtrip

I understand what you are saying BUT he is so different than any other man I have been with. He was my bestfriend...and I miss him soo much...it has been almost a year since the actual breakup but has been about a month since I have actually seen him....I still cry everyday for him!!! Im soo devasted..my heart aches for him. I understand that he is involved with someone else now but why does he still wanna go to lunch with me then??? why wasnt he even gonna tell me that he had a new gf??

---

It's just amazing how people read into things just because they are so desperately want to. Look - you two had NC for a month after an argument. Then you broke NC and called him yourself and basically asked him out for lunch - being put on spot and not wanting to be rude to you, he said "ok", but he'll get back to you with a time (hint - he was trying to let you down easy as he has a new girlfriend already and really is not interested anymore). He was honest with you that he is seeing someone else, and didn't protest when you finished the conversation, and hasn't called you since then.

What is it you're not getting here? He's moved on, and so should you. There is no other options here, unless you're willing to humiliate yourself more and keep calling him when he clearly showed that he is over you.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by MyBrainIsMyDrug

Yes but the thing is you will meet someone who is totally different than him AND every other person you have ever been with. You are putting him on a pedistal that you shouldn't be putting him on... there is someone better you just haven't found them yet... Your going to miss him, but the less you think about it the better for your own health... How about instead of crying every day you put a smile on and go for a walk or hang around with friends or read or any activity... Ask yourself, do you think HE'S crying every day? Do you think hes doing to himself what your doing to yourself? I highly doubt it, sure in the back of his mind there may be some thoughts there, but nothing like what your enduring. Maybe he still wants to go to lunch because he believes you guys can function as friends, but from how your talking it should be obvious to yourself that you wouldn't be able to handle a friendship since you are still so emotionally attached... As far as not telling you why he has a new girlfriend... could be a few things, maybe he thought it would hurt you and would be a lot for you to take but he decided to tell you anyways out of pure honesty...

The point is that your in no position emotionally to be able to be friends with this person and your still hanging onto the past which is a very dangerous thing to do, take it from a veteran at doing that.

---

I know.. its just so hard to totally let go of somebody you care so deeply about.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Shadowburn

It's just amazing how people read into things just because they are so desperately want to. Look - you two had NC for a month after an argument. Then you broke NC and called him yourself and basically asked him out for lunch - being put on spot and not wanting to be rude to you, he said "ok", but he'll get back to you with a time (hint - he was trying to let you down easy as he has a new gf already and really is not interested anymore). He was honest with you that he is seeing someone else, and didn't protest when you finished the conversation, and hasn't called you since then.

What is it you're not getting here? He's moved on, and so should you. There is no other options here, unless you're willing to humiliate yourself more and keep calling him when he clearly showed that he is over you.

---

I know he has moved on but I still feel deep in my heart, he still loves me. We were just intimate less than 2 months ago... If he didn't want any contact with me, if he really has totally moved on then why did he return my phone call.. he could have text me to tell me he had moved on or sent me an email... if he has totally moved on, then he could have said no we can't do lunch because I am seeing somebody else now and that wouldn't be appropriate but he didn't... so maybe he has moved on BUT I don't think he has totally moved on either...

You need to practice strict NO CONTACT whatsoever, so you can take him off that emotional pedestal, and rebuild a life that you enjoy without him. In that way you can be healthy, and happy with yourself and have something good to share with another happy adult, eventually.

Your continued contact with him after the break up has left you emotionally devastated and the only cure is a proper healing.

That's why, or part of the reason the rebound thing you have with this other guy your seeing will never work because for sure you are not healthy, or happy enough to be a good partner to any one at this time, not even yourself.