Hi everyone! I'm asking this because I just don't know what to do about my mother. I'm 13 years old (and female) and when I was a baby, my mother suffered from depression. I just found this out recently (I was having emotional problems at school and my mother told me it was because she hit me when I was a baby.) That's how I found out but I always knew she was depressed. When I was a toddler, she would have moodswings where she'd lock herself in her bedroom for hours. I was led to believe it was my fault. When I was a toddler she took me away from my dad to live in another country (this is were her mood swings began) for a few years before moving back.

Later on, when I was about 7, she kept on having mood swings, ignoring me for days, calling my lazy and not letting me see my dad. She told me all the things that I had done wrong. Eventually, we got kicked out of our house my the landlord and I stayed with my dad while she stayed with friends. Those were the happiest days of my life. But soon she said she wanted to move back to the other country again. I had no choice but I cried to her saying "Please, I don't want to leave my dad! i like it here." but she just laughed and before I knew it we were in another rcountry. I'm still living in that country now and I still hate it.

Her whole excuse for moving was that she missed HER family (I miss mine too, they are in the other country) and she missed HER friends. What does she do now that she is here? She doesn't go and see her family or her friends! She stays inside and calls me lazy! When I was 10 I was a little chubby and all she ever talked to me about was my weight and how I should lose it. She put me on this diet and exercise program and whenever I gained weight she yelled at me for hours about how I wasn't trying. She even said if I didn't lose weight that she wouldn't let me see my dad, who moved over to where I am just to see me. I love my dad very much and I want to live with him but that's not possible right now for two reasons 1: money troubles and 2: my mother wouldn't let me.

Even now, she is constantly nagging me about my weight (I'm not even that fat.) Today I didn't feel like going to the gym because I was tired but she got moody and now we are going to the gym in about an hour. She calls me fat and before all of this, I was happy. Now, I hate myself, I hate the way I look, the way I my voice sounds, my hair, my eye colour, my personality, the fact that I feel sorry for myself. If it wasn't for her, I'd be confident and more enthusiastic about going to the gym.

I have tried to tell her about how I feel, but the second I do, she starts to laugh and she doesn't listen. I hate it so much and evry night I cry. My dad had to go away for a bit so I pretty much have no one to talk to.

Does my mother hate me? Am I the problem? Please give some advice!

Of course you're not a problem here, your mother is depressed and she needs help. Are you close to your mom's family, do you have anyone else to talk to you - aunt, grandmother?

You are not the problem and your mother does not hate you I am sure.
I believe it is your mothers mental state that is the problem. Left untreated depression can lead to more serious problems and it seems like she has not done anything or seen a professional to try to help. Is this correct?

Often people in this state will strike out and blame whoever is closest and easiest to get to for all their problems. Even children and babies.
Like she seems to be doing to you.

She is in need of help.
You said her family is close. Is there someone in her family you can talk to about getting help for her? That is one possibility.
If she gets help it could make your life easier and better for both of you.

Talk to your father about getting more visitation through court , or even custody. At your age your input could be taken into consideration. That depends on the country and court.
Also , is he aware of how hard it is to live with your mother. Make sure he knows.

Talk to a counselor at your school or your family doctor , they may be able to help you also.

You are obviously an intelligent and mature (for your age) young lady and have approached this problem in an adult manner.
You should be able to bring family, friends, or professionals into this situation by getting the word out about the conditions at home. Even if it comes down to reporting her for abuse, because what you are experiencing is abuse and something needs to be done for both your sakes.

PLease try some of these suggestions and keep us informed of progress or changes.

It may be difficult but there is a way. And with help hopefully we can find it soon.

Keep us updated often , there are many people here that can offer many different ways to help. And they all really do care about you.

My dad knows about my mother's problems. He said she did similar things when they were dating.

I have thought about court but what if they don't let me go with my dad? Then what? Will I have to live with my mother even after I tried to not live with her? She would treat me even worse then! She isn't all bad, and from what I've heard, she has had a pretty tough childhood. But I just can't take the consant fighting. I just want to live with my dad but I know that will hurt her plus it's quite difficult to get custody of a child for a father or so I've heard.

I have no one else I can stay with, all of my relatives on my dad's side (the side that love me) are in the other country. I say the side that love me because my mother's relatives & friends don't really like me. If I were to try and talk to them, the news would get to my mother in minutes. I don't know what to do!

Hi RedCleo
What country are you living in please? If its England or the UK there is a lot you could do, and in fact if you are in England you have places where you can go for help.

Once you say where you're living Country then if I can help you get some professional help for yourself to help you deal with this I will.

I agree it must be very hurtful being told you're fat or over weight, Please don't go to the other extreme and end up anorexic.

Its nice to have some flesh on your bones. Being a stick insect isn't healthy.

If you aren't in the UK then I suggest maybe you can talk to someone at your school, and if you ask them to not let your Mum know just yet that you've asked for help they will be discreet in order to help you or prevent more problems for you.

Do you have any brothers or sisters as I noticed you didn't mention any.

I understand you're Mums suffered with depression, but that's not your fault, you couldn't help that.

Ill leave offering any more advice until I hear from you about where you're living.

Don't feel bad though its not your fault, you are only 13 and you seem fairly sensible and concerned. You deserve to be loved, and cared for, I know what you mean about wanting to be with your dad I was and still am the same way, my Dads my hero my world my support and I love him to bits, and Ive always wanted to be with him or near him, and I always will he's the best, Dads are though.

Get back to us as soon as you can, Please.

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

Hi RedCleo
What country are you living in please? if its England or the UK there is a lot you could do, and in fact if you are in England you have places where you can go for help.

Once you say where youre living Country then if I can help you get some professional help for your self to help you deal with this I will.

I agree it must be very hurtful being told youre fat or over weight, Please dont go to the other extreme and end up anorexic.

Its nice to have some flesh on your bones. Being a stick insect isnt healthy.

If you arent in the UK then I suggest maybe you can talk to someone at your school, and if you ask them to not let your Mum know just yet that youve asked for help they will be discreet in order to help you or prevent more problems for you.

Do you have any brothers or sisters as I noticed you didnt mention any.

I understand youre Mums suffered with depression, but thats not your fault, you couldnt help that.

Ill leave offering any more advice until I hear from you about where youre living.

Dont feel bad though its not your fault, you are only 13 and you seem fairly sensible and concerned. you deserve to be loved, and cared for, I know what you mean about wanting to be with your dad I was and still am the same way, my Dads my hero my world my support and I love him to bits, and Ive always wanted to be with him or near him, and I always will hes the best, Dads are though.

Get back to us as soon as you can, Please.

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I live in Ireland right now (I don't want to live there) but I want to live in England, which is where I'm from. Thank you for offering to help me! But I'm afraid it won't work getting help. It's not like she beats me up every day or anything, she just gets moody a lot. Plus, she's getting nicer now that I've lost a stone in weight, but we still fight all the time. I just want out of this country and to live with my dad, you know? Thank you again!

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Originally Posted by RedCleo

I live in Ireland right now (I don't want to live there) but I want to live in England, which is where I'm from. Thank you for offering to help me! But I'm affraid it wont work getting help. It's not like she beats me up every day or anything, she just gets moody a lot. Plus, she's getting nicer now that I've lost a stone in weight, but we still fight all the time. I just want out of this country and to live with my dad, you know? Thank you again!

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I understand that you may be afraid that getting "outside" help may make things worse.
But it may open your mothers eyes to the seriousness of the situation and she may realize that she could use some help also.

Give this some thought and consideration.

If there is no way you feel you can do this, then it leaves it in the hands of you and your father to try and work things out with your mother.

Keep us updated on what is happening. Who knows what changes the future may bring.

I wish you well.

Hi OP, Irelands not very far from mainland UK, or are you in southern ireland?

If you live in Northern Ireland they're under same laws as those in the UK, its Southern Ireland that's classed as a different country.

If you're in N Ireland you are covered by same protection as any child in england you can ring childline in total anonymity, or the NSPCC, you're Mum doesn't have to be told, but they'll offer you ways to make life easier for you, and let you know what you can or cannot do.Also living where you are the courts would allow you to choose who you lived with or which parent has care and control which has residency, as long as your Dad agrees you could go live with him, the laws in Southern Ireland aren't much different to ours in England, and as stated N Ireland is same as in England.

OP if you want to at anytime 2 weeks time or 4 months time you can go to the child line website and you'll find they have live online counsellors available for you to chat with. You can make a note of the phone numbers below and use them, if ever it gets really bad.

The childline number can help you with any problems you have at all at anytime. 24 Hours 365 days, its open..

They're for you to use in emergency..

Childline 0800 1111
ChildLine

NSPCC 08088005000

Got to spread the rep

You cannot get a better answer or information. Your answers are here with PP

I'm afraid its not really up to you as to your living arrangement,your parents and/or the courts decide that.

Although you give lots of information in your posts there's not much more I can add to be of help to you.

Can you talk to your father about about living with him and then leave it at that,there may be more going on in the adult world that your not privy too.

Your in those tricky teen years,where is might seem your mother is a drag on your life.

Are there any positives?

She is trying to help you control your weight,a healthy diet exercise,proper sleep,making sure you attend school,a warm house and food on the table.

Although you say she threatens not to let you talk to your dad,has that ever happened?

Most teens have a problem with their parents,and you have a lot of information about your mother that I think is too much personal information and is distorting your view on the situation.

Is she really a 'bad' mother? Or is she doing the best she can?

What have you done to make friends?

Have you looked into a local youth club,most are well run and in many if not all towns and villages throughout ireland.

If youth clubs are not your scene what about sports?

Camogie,swimming clubs,running lots of things to do,which include exercise,team work and an appropriate social scene.

Have a look a ways to improve your situation by casting your net making friends and finding an interest that your mother approves of as well.

If you think your not interested,why not give it a go before you make up your mind.

Redhed not wishing to get into a dispute however in England if a Child expresses a wish to live with a preferred parent the judges will take them into their chambers and ask them and usually the child gets to live with the parent they ask to live with. Although most custodys are now joint.

OP stay in Ireland its beautiful there so Im told especially Southern Ireland, its cleaner too, close to the sea, Id live there over UK England anyday. But Im not you.

Hope we have helped you some if not much a little, come back anytime and ask us whatever you feel you need help with, and someone's sure to offer some advice or help you find a solution that's works for you, Good Luck and Thank You for posting here.