Ask Me Help Desk

Ask Me Help Desk (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum.php)
-   Books & Literature (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forumdisplay.php?f=53)
-   -   Great chapter ending? (https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/showthread.php?t=492522)

  • Jul 27, 2010, 05:28 PM
    deronette97
    Great chapter ending?
    Is ths a good chapter ending?
    After my mom picked me up from school, I threw me and my backpack onto the couch. I laid there for about five minutes, until my mom tapped my feet and whispered “Boo boo, come into the room me and John have something to tell you guys.” When Mom said to ‘come into the room’ I was terrified, either somebody got in trouble and ruined it for all of us, or something terrible is about to happen. I slowly walked in to the room to see everyone sitting there, looking nervous... very nervous...
  • Jul 27, 2010, 05:53 PM
    Eileen G

    Lots of suspense, but you could build it up more. Your mother whispering to you is a good sign that you are not in trouble because mothers yell if you've been caught doing something you shouldn't. Using a pet name is a giveaway too.

    One thing you do need to watch is the spelling and grammar.

    Try "After my mom picked me up from school, I threw myself into the couch. I lay there for five minutes, until my mom tapped my foot and whispered "Come into the room. John and I have something to tell you." I was terrified; that usually meant I was in trouble, or something bad had happened. I slowly walked into the (which?) room to see everyone sitting there, looking nervous... very nervous."

  • All times are GMT -7. The time now is 05:58 AM.