My 27 y/o son recently moved back home, with his dog, after his then " live in girlfriend" kicked him out. The only reason we took him in was he has been on the streets before, and we almost lost him and I could not go through that again. Here is my dilemma, he is living in out 27' camper, with the dog, works maybe 10 hours a week at McDonalds,( when he goes to work), has no high school diploma, he has one of our extra cell phones and Satellite TV too. He posted something on Facebook tonight, and in general it states that he has nothing to worry about in life, that things are going great, and that he doesn't have to worry about himself or anyone else for that matter. I questioned him about this posting and he stated that it was about his ex-girlfriend- but I still felt that part of it was directed to me. How do I go about trying to change his value of life, so that he is not a mooch or a bum? What you have to understand is that he is the result of a rape when I was in the Army, and the man that I was married to at that time, who was very abusive both physically and emotionally, is now deceased. So my son and I are all that each other has. I have been in counseling for a number of years amd have come to realize that I blame myself for any and everything that my son has been through, even though I know that this is not the case. But that is what happens when you suffer from PTSD and Anxiety. So what do I do? Kick him out, while I feel that he is down, or make a stand, give him the boot and hope and pray that he grows up and makes something of his life so I can get on with mine. He has used up all his friends as he has been doing this same song and dance routing since he was 16, as that is when his "father" just let him do what he wanted, when he wanted and with whom he wanted, as by that time we were divorced and my son chose to live with his father, as he was not strict at all.

What your Son wrote on his Facebook page is his business, perhaps he objects to you keeping too close an eye on him.

Hes 27 an adult and as such he is responsible for his own life.

How he was conceived is irrelevant, and shouldn't have any bearing on how he views the world.

Unless you yourself are making an issues out of his conception, I don't see that this is anything to do with how he is.

You cannot change his values on life however you change your own values and then you lead by example. Perhaps he is feeling bad because of how he was conceived, that's if he knows, I personally wouldn't have told him that, if it were my child, because you cannot change that fact and it has no bearing on how your son has turned out, unless as stated you've projected your own issues about this onto him, in which case that will have caused problems for him and problems he need not have.

Why do you say he is a mooch or a bum, that in itself would give him a low feeling of self worth. Perhaps you could try telling him how you love and respect him and that you're proud of him. Forget how he was conceived and just see him as he is your Son.

We all are prone to becoming down on our luck, that doesn't mean we then become a mooch or bum.

Sorry to say this to you, however I feel you are projecting your own values onto your son. Obviously you have issues over his conception, Perhaps you need to get more counselling to help you deal with the rape and his conception.

Your Son cannot help how he was conceived, was his Father the person you married?

I feel that if you can get your own issues dealt with then your Sons will also appear to you in a new light, and that how you're viewing things is what's behind your belief your Son has problems.

Whilst I accept your sons conception was not the most ideal that however was not and is not his fault and wouldn't have anything to do with his view of life or his self worth. Or it shouldn't then...

If you want him to move out then you must tell him or tell him he can stay with you but its only a temporary measure and that he needs to find his own home and perhaps get a fulltime job, in truth though he should have been taught that he's responsible for his life and choices he makes when he was growing up.

Hope this helps in some way...

Let him know you love him and as positive said... he cannot help how he was conceived.

Show him love. Love can heal faster than anything. Pray for him.

Tell him he has to find a place to live but do it with love.

Tell him you'll help him find a place. Above all make him feel he is worth something. Good Luck.

Has he ever had a full time job and been self supporting?

You might express concern that you will not always be there to help him out. And it is because of that love and concern you are only going to help for a limited time.

Three or four months should be time enough to find full time employment and start to support himself.
Tough love is usually tough for both parties involved , but sometimes is the only solution.

If he has "used up" all his friends and you are the last resort , pulling the plug may force him into some positive action.
Hopefully when he is "forced" to support himself , he will gain enough insight into realize it was in his best interest.

But as long as he is allowed to do what he is doing, he will not change.

I know it will be hard for you but I really think the tough love is the only way out.

I wish you well. And may God give you the strength and wisdom to do what is best for you both.