When I arrived home one evening, he was talking to someone on his cell phone. He continued the conversation for another 10 minutes with me sitting by him on the couch. When I asked him who it was, he said, "Why does it matter?" He finally told me it was a lady from work and she was just a friend. He said I was "blowing it out of proportion." Turns out I did a reverse phone lookup and it was a lady from his work. After looking at his phone, I found numerous calls that were sometimes 2 hours long that were dialed to this woman! He works out of town and always is available by cell phone. Trust was one big thing we had and now I feel like everything has been shaken. I am driving myself crazy wondering what he is doing when he isn't around me and I don't want to keep looking on his cell phone. Any advice out there? I have a ring on my finger from him but no mention of marriage.

People who have nothing to hide, hide nothing. Listen to your gut. It sounds like emotional cheating. You can sense that the bad is on its way. He should not have any friends that you have not met or can't hang out with. Don't fall for the "we are just friends." Because if she was really a friend you would have met her by now. You can be open and honest and tell him you don't like these 2 hour talks. Or you can suggests that you all hang out and even invite a single male friend. In a case like this it is so easy for a man to lie to you because he hasn't even admitted to himself that he likes this woman. So look at his actions and ignore the hell out of his words. You are not crazy and you have the right to know the truth. Don't let him talk you into submission.

And one more thing ask him what the deal is about ring. If you are getting married set a date if not put the ring on the right hand and keep it because that would make it it a gift.

This is a tough one but maybe you should straight up tell him what you've been thinkingabout all this. Or call the number on your own & try to figre out who it is

I really don't see what he did wrong. She is a co-worker. You violated his trust my snooping through his phone. Maybe he was talking to her about work, maybe something else, but I am not sure how you automatically have the perception that he is cheating. He even told you who he was talking to, and to be honest, I don't think that was any of your business either.

You can talk to him about this but don't be surprised when he gets upset that you have been looking through HIS phone. I am out of town for my job as well which sometimes requires me to contact female coworkers for advice and other information. I hesitate to say you may be rushing to judgment on this one. A nice, honest and calm talk should resolve a lot of these issues.

Ask him? It's the only way you are going to know. Be truthful about how you found out and ask him?

Trust is NOT CARING if your girlfriend goes through your phone. You didn't violate ANYTHING. Yet, that being said, it isn't healthy (the behavior AND the current state of the relationship). You need to straighten things out and decide whether this is something that is or even needs to be a serious issue.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Ther4peuticH3at

Trust is NOT CARING if your girlfriend goes through your phone. You didn't violate ANYTHING. Yet, that being said, it isn't healthy (the behavior AND the current state of the relationship). You need to straighten things out and decide whether or not this is something that is or even needs to be a serious issue.

---

Trust is not needing/feeling like you need to go through your boyfriends phone. We must have differing opinions. My phone is my business, period. Especially since it is also a work phone. No one has any right to go through my phone. He told her when she asked who he was talking to. To automatically draw a parallel to this behavior and cheating is premature at best. Had she asked to see his phone and he got defensive and angry then maybe it would be different. That isn't the case.

Being in a relationship doesn't mean that the other person is automatically entitled to every detail of your life. Going behind my back to snoop in my phone is an absolute violation of trust. It's called asking and being up front. The ends don't always justify the means. It goes for the same thing with a diary, email or other forms of personal communication.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kctiger

Trust is not needing/feeling like you need to go through your boyfriends phone. We must have differing opinions. My phone is my business, period. Especially since it is also a work phone. No one has any right to go through my phone. He told her when she asked who he was talking to. To automatically draw a parallel to this behavior and cheating is premature at best. Had she asked to see his phone and he got defensive and angry then maybe it would be different. That isn't the case.

Being in a relationship doesn't mean that the other person is automatically entitled to every detail of your life. Going behind my back to snoop in my phone is an absolute violation of trust. It's called asking and being up front. The ends don't always justify the means. It goes for the same thing with a diary, email or other forms of personal communication.

---

KCt what if it was the other way around and you thought it was your wife?girlfriend having long conversations. The Op in my opinion only is his fiancée and if something is going on she needs to know.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

KCt what if it was the other way around and you thought it was your wife?gf having long conversations. The Op in my opinion only is his fiancee and if something is going on she needs to know.

---

Kat I'm not sitting here saying that there is nothing going on. I absolutely think the OP should talk about this with her bf/fiance' whatever. All I'm saying is that rather than doing a reverse phone lookup, snooping in his phone and whatever else, it should have been a face to face conversation to feel this through. She clearly didn't trust him when he told her the TRUTH about who he was talking to.

It's like people are missing the bigger picture here. She did not trust him to begin with, otherwise none of this would be happening. Because she caught him on the phone with a girl whom he confessed to talking to, this turned into doing reverse phone look ups and peeping through his cell phone. What's the point of this entire relationship if there was never any trust to begin with?

You guys want trust? If I asked my girlfriend who she was talking to on the phone one night, I would TRUST her answer to me and there wouldn't be any more made of it. That is trust. That I don't think the OP trusted her boyfriend that much to begin with, and that is the underlying problem here. No trust = pretty awful relationship.

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kctiger

Kat I'm not sitting here saying that there is nothing going on. I absolutely think the OP should talk about this with her bf/fiance' whatever. All I'm saying is that rather than doing a reverse phone lookup, snooping in his phone and whatever else, it should have been a face to face conversation to feel this through. She clearly didn't trust him when he told her the TRUTH about who he was talking to.

It's like people are missing the bigger picture here. She did not trust him to begin with, otherwise none of this would be happening. Because she caught him on the phone with a girl whom he confessed to talking to, this turned into doing reverse phone look ups and peeping through his cell phone. What's the point of this entire relationship if there was never any trust to begin with?

You guys want trust? If I asked my girlfriend who she was talking to on the phone one night, I would TRUST her answer to me and there wouldn't be any more made of it. That is trust. The fact of the matter is that I don't think the OP trusted her boyfriend that much to begin with, and that is the underlying problem here. No trust = pretty awful relationship.

---

By Jove you may be right!:confused:

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by kctiger

Trust is not needing/feeling like you need to go through your boyfriends phone. We must have differing opinions.

---

Yea, we do. It's funny too, because I totally get what you're saying. I just don't feel that way, especially not about a phone. It would be different if I specifically told a s/o "I don't want you to read/listen/get-into this phone/e-mail/journal or w/e it might be for w/e reason". But otherwise, I have no secrets, I couldn't care less if she went through my phone, my computer, my mail... what the heck is the big deal? I'm not hiding any of that from her. Though, I'd definitely feel kind of sad, maybe even hurt or worried that she would feel the need to "go through my phone", but on the whole, it wouldn't bother me and it certainly wouldn't offend me.

For me, trust isn't a one way thing. It's something two people share, rather than my trust for her versus her trust for me. Kind of hard to explain.

There is no set right or wrong. Your emotions tell you what you want. Ask yourself what you want. As woman you have a right to your feelings. Listen to your gut. Set some limits. The time of day is important. He shouldn't be on the phone late at night with another woman. You posted the question so it is on your mind. You don't have anything to prove. If he is talking to a woman more than you like lay down the law. If he can't get with it leave him. It is very important to discuss all this stuff when dating.

I don't think you should trust blindly. If you don't like something then you just don't like it. Every cheat started with a conversation.

Good answers. Trust is something I do not freely give in this world. You have to earn it. Don't get me wrong giving the benefit of doubt is important, unless you keep suspecting your gut telling you something else. Check it out save your life don't let a lie drag on. You will only keep a fight going and living a lie when you can start a new life over. Life is too short. I have been lied to and cheated on and when I asked and got seemingly innocent replies, but then something else would happen I asked and questioned the behaviors and still thought gee this does not seem right, so I became that snoopy little ***** just too see what was really going and come to find my boyfriend was seeing someone else and playing us both. To top it he said she thought she was pregnant etc... He claimed he was confused and really loved me and her both... but me more so! Huh?! It tore me up. He proposed too me and I said NO. Couldn't imagine the womanizer would be trustworthy enough to marry. Funny thing is he ended up marrying her. Whether she was really pregnant or not I never found out.