This is my personal philosophy.

If you have ever wondered why Woman is better equipped to handle the world than man, consider this:

I firmly believe that all women are linked “In Utro”. Therefore, when a lady is pregnant, and she runs an automatic “get_gender” call to the infant in her womb there are two possible responses.

A binary 01 will cause an immediate download of all knowledge ever gathered by every woman since the dawn of time.

However, if the “get_gender” call returns a binary 00, all that is passed to the child is information on food, remotes, recliners.

TV is optional, depending on our behavior while residing in the womb. Oh, by the way, occasionally we get the message, “Women”, do the best you can!

Therefore, I believe we as males should bond together and demand equal data downloads, just to level the playing field, so to speak.

Ever so sorry, I left out the obvious conclusion to the above postulate. Whenever "Woman" points to "Man" and comments on the level of our stupidity, we as "Man" now have the right to point back and remind "Woman" that it is her fault! Good luck with that, it has never worked in our home.

Where did I put that remote, I need to change the color on the wall since I didn't get TV privileges yet!

If my husband posted this he'd be able to find the remote because it would be imbedded in the back of his head - minimally.

Laughing.

I'm divorced. I got the remote.

I was divorced - he got the remote. I got the TV.

I'm at a loss here, I've never been divorced.

It's either stay married or get my pre-authorized autopsy just in case I might consider doing something dumb.

We married when we were 18 and we are now starting year #46.

Did I miss anything? I ask because I'm perfectly happy being married. To be honest, the thought of dating anyone other than my Lady scares the devil out of me. I would not know what to do or how to behave. Yuk, Yuk!

Donf you are such a nice funny guy. You're the only man I know who can make sexist remarks and make me want to hug you. :)
Then again I have read your opening post 3 times and I'm still not entirely sure who is butt of the joke lol.

Qlp,

I am in no way a sexist.

I think that as long as no one gets nasty, we have the ability to laugh at ourselves.

Judy,

Men "Think", is that an oxymoron or a brand new concept?

Please explain because "Think" is an alien concept to me. Probably because of no information in my initial data download. Food! I smell food - me go eat now!

Don, do you know why men fall asleep so easily and women are awake for hours, staring into the darkness? My theory is that men have brains the size of peas. Therefore, they think, "sleep" and the brain falls asleep.

Women, on the other hand, have these great big brains which are loaded with info and so it's harder to shut down their "computer," so to speak.

Keep in mind I've been married 3 times - I either know or don't know what I'm talking about. Your choice.

I'm sorry, but I did not know that you were married three times. I get in enough trouble just trying to be married once. Although I feel truly blessed with the Lady that chose me for wedlock.

Given all of the posts of yours that I have read, it certainly isn't because you lack intelligence.

I suspect that when in "male" pretend mode (prior to marriage) your male suitors deceived you by pretending be what they were not.

Since we got married at 18, I was to young to realize that the deck was stacked against me by "Woman" so I was forced (metaphorically speaking) to change.

Actually the truth is that along with my Lady came a family. It was what I needed and loved about my Lady.

It took us 4 years to learn to live with each other. I mean that I had to learn that my Lady had a brain that she was totally comfortably using. She had principles that were honed razor sharp that I had to learn to adjust to.

She was like this before I married her and she is still the same way now.

Besides, the husband training manual that was issued to me the day after we married was very specific. Although the were huge gaps in information, for example, Privileges and Benefits were left intentionally blank and I was informed they would be filled in at her discretion if I were to merit them.

However the sections on behavior and duties were literally tomes.

You've got it, Don - my history is married, divorced (he had an affair... I've never posted this before... with a one of my close relatives); then I married (a wonderful, wonderful man) and he died; now I have remarried.

And, yes, in between I met a heck of a lot of pretenders. I would say that 90% of the men I met were dishonest or deceitful in a substantial way - everything from in bankruptcy to still being married ("Well, we're sort of separated ...") on down.

My favorite - I always said I was a secretary when I met people. One man I dated on our first date said he was an Attorney. I never heard of him but I said, "What type of law do you practice?" (thinking matrimonial, estate, business, real estate) - and he said, "New York."

Think he wasn't really an Attorney.

That and men who borrowed cars from their friends in order to impress me. I drove an fairly substantial import so my car usually trumped his - like anyone cares.

Oh, and I went out to dinner one time (with a set up) and HE brought HIS mother along to "meet me." First date.

Stay married, Don. Stay married. She's lucky to have you.

I actually wasn't big on dating. I knew neighborhood girls but that would have been like dating my own sister. They were friends.

I met lots of girls when I was an usher at Radio City Music Hall as a teenager. Why to hear us talk any girl that was on a high school senior trip was an easy mark for us to score on. The actual truth was far different, at least for me.

The evening I met Bonnie was something right out of the Broadway Show "South Pacific". I swear that they might as well have played "Some Enchanted Evening" in the background while we were being introduced to each other.

One thing I instantly liked was the fire in her eyes and her humor.

We played together very well then as now.

The only down side was that she knew how and when to use this very complicated word, "No".

In an era of free love (circa 1965) this lady had character and purpose. Things I totally lacked and would have to lean.

Wonderful story of how people meet and fell in love. I've posted this before - my late husband asked me to marry him on our first date. I thought he was crazy.

We married about 9 weeks later and everyone thought we were crazy - we married in the ICU, to boot! They asked me his middle name. I had no idea. Now it's funny and it worked so who knows - ?

Judy,

You should have been here a minute ago.

The two little guys I'm babysitting for (5 and 2) were being so very quiet (always a danger signal)

Any way, out pops Eli, big green circles on his nipples and chest. Seems they found a magic marker to play with.

Anyway, Eli is cleaned up and now he's sitting next to trying to get the green marker and back onto his chest.

After chasing an 18 month old for 6 hours I put him down for a nap because I needed a nap! Yes, I'm learning ALL about this stepgrandmother stuff.

Talaniman - I object! (I have no grounds to disagree but on principle alone, I object.)

I have told my husband many times that some day I will say something of some importance and if he doesn't pay close attention all the time, he will miss it.

He doesn't necessarily agree.