My mother recenlty passed away,
Fisrtly the ? Is with regards to the headstone that we were going to get made, it was a heart on a stand with 4 kul written on it , but we have been told that this is gunaah.
2ndly all the grandchildren want to plants some flowers but again we have been told its gunah and that we should not plant anything and not to use fertiliser . Please help as we want to do it right .

What is your faith?

My condolences for you and your family in your Mother's passing.

Who told you not to do the headstone the way you wanted and who told you not to plant the flowers?

If the one/ones who told you are spiritual leaders that you recognize as authority in your religion, can you ask him/them why such a standard?

You say you want to do this right, by right do you mean following your Mother's faith? Or do you mean following your own heart?

I understand wanting to have a lasting memorial for your Mother. Is it possible to follow "the rules" as they were given to you, at her graveside, but to do something more personal for her in another way?