Ask Me Help Desk - I thought my son was adopted but it didn't go through we never went to court.

The woman that adopted him loves him to death and he is now three. I don't want to take him away from her but she is going around telling people he has lukemia and I am worried because if you saw him you would know its not true I don't know where he gets his energy from. I signed a paper that gave her custody of him and it was noterized it never got filed at the courthouse because she didn't pay her attorney. I am still on his birth certificate and everything. Can I legally go to her house and pick him up since the papers were never filed

I cannot answer the legal question. But I can give an opinion on the morality of this

For unstated reasons you chose to to award custody of your son to another person. This can be an act of great courage to do what is best for the child and give them up.
Which I assume is what you did at the time.

Now three years later you are having thoughts of trying to regain custody.

The child has been with his parents all of his life and I can assure you he loves them. Children ,even abused children, love their parents and are bonded to them.
Parents that adopt children are usually people who want children more than anything else and go through a great deal to adopt a child. And I can feel safe in assuring you they love that child as their own.

Three years later you discover a legal technicality that may allow you to take the child away from his parents and his home and totally change his life.

What happened to the concern for the child that caused you to give him up? Is his well being no longer a concern?
The only reason you give is that his mother says he has leukemia and you don't believe it because he seems OK to you?
Do you know what the symptoms are? How do children with leukemia act?
And if I saw him I would not know if it were true or not. And I don't think you have any better idea than I do.

Are there other issues? Is there abuse or neglect? What reason is it that makes you want to shatter this boys life?

To do that if there is no reason to believe that ths child is in danger would be an act of unmitigated cruelty. And selfishness.

It makes me wonder if you would be a fit mother. Because to do that would be in total disregard for the boys well being. That is thoughtless, selfish and unintelligent.

I think you should stop even thinking about this and go get some counseling because you are not thinking clearly and are considering irrational actions.
Do this before you make even an attempt to find out the legal technicalities .

I hope God will bless you with the wisdom to see what a horrible mistake it would be to for you to take that child.

Quote:

Originally Posted by martinizing2

I cannot answer the legal question. But I can give an opinion on the morality of this

For unstated reasons you chose to to award custody of your son to another person. This can be an act of great courage to do what is best for the child and give them up.
Which I assume is what you did at the time.

Now three years later you are having thoughts of trying to regain custody.

The child has been with his parents all of his life and I can assure you he loves them. Children ,even abused children, love their parents and are bonded to them.
Parents that adopt children are usually people who want children more than anything else and go through a great deal to adopt a child. And I can feel safe in assuring you they love that child as their own.

Three years later you discover a legal technicality that may allow you to take the child away from his parents and his home and totally change his life.

What happened to the concern for the child that caused you to give him up? Is his well being no longer a concern?
The only reason you give is that his mother says he has leukemia and you don't believe it because he seems ok to you?
Do you know what the symptoms are? How do children with leukemia act?
And if I saw him I would not know if it were true or not. And I don't think you have any better idea than I do.

Are there other issues? Is there abuse or neglect? What reason is it that makes you want to shatter this boys life?

To do that if there is no reason to believe that ths child is in danger would be an act of unmitigated cruelty. And selfishness.

It makes me wonder if you would be a fit mother. Because to do that would be in total disregard for the boys well being. That is thoughtless, selfish and unintelligent.

I think you should stop even thinking about this and go get some counseling because you are not thinking clearly and are considering irrational actions.
Do this before you make even an attempt to find out the legal technicalities .

I hope God will bless you with the wisdom to see what a horrible mistake it would be to for you to take that child.

Her grown children are even telling me I should consider it. He has been in the hospital numerous times for falling down stairs and in the pool at the apt. because she sends him off to be watched by other children. I don't want to take him I wanted what was best for him and still do. You saying that I should wait for the next phone call that he has falling down the stairs again and this time didn't wake up. Or that he went to the pool with one of the neighbor kids and drown because his mother was too lazy to take him herself. I have a lot of concerns. Her Grown Kids have even said she is lying about the Leukmia. So I'm torn on what to do? I am a very good mother thank you. I Don't Need SomeOne Putting Me Down Telling Me How Bad a Person I am because I don't want to get a phone call one day that my son was killed because of her not watching him or having some kid watch him and something horrible happen.

First off--you didn't give that information in your original question.

Secondly--as a birthmother and a potential adoptive mother, the idea of someone picking up a child that has only known one set of parents is abhorrent. Not only that--it's KIDNAPPING.

If you want the child back and feel he is in danger, get a lawyer, get witnesses, and PROVE that she is a danger to the child in court.

Quote:

Originally Posted by oilfieldgirlfriend

Her grown children are even tellin me i should consider it.

Hello oil:

You don't sound like you want information. I think you want agreement instead. You're not going to get it here.

IF the child is in danger, then you can get an EMERGENCY hearing in the family court to present your evidence. If you can PROVE what you're saying, the court will DO something about it.

The fact that adoption was NOT recorded, does NOT make it illegal. If you TAKE him WITHOUT a court order, you WILL be charged with kidnapping.

excon

I question your motives too.

There are many things you could do instead of kidnapping him, and jumping to all kinds of conclusions based on third hand information.

Don't be a 'hero' here thinking that the son you gave up needs to be rescued. You sound like a child.

Here are some things a responsible adult might do.

1. Meet with a lawyer, and have him investigate the apparent fact that the final papers were never filed in court, regarding the adoption. This could be a wild goose chase, if in fact the papers were filed, and your third hand information was incorrect.

2. She talks to 'some people' telling them lies. Why are you taking this as 'evidence' of any wrong doing?

3. You think that 'taking him' is in his best interests, based on zero credibility and information.

4. Why are you doing this. Had you never found out that there was an 'error' in the final paperwork (which may or may not be true until you actually see a lawyer to check it out) you would not somehow feel entitled to step in with your wings on and rescue him.

All this backdoor stuff leaves me wondering if there isn't an agenda here, that goes beyond the legalities of the actual adoption.

I do hope that this child's mother is aware of what you are doing, who you are talking to, and what your possible plans may include, and takes the necessary steps to protect her child.

Quote:

Originally Posted by martinizing2

Are there other issues? Is there abuse or neglect? What reason is it that makes you want to shatter this boys life?

To do that if there is no reason to believe that ths child is in danger would be an act of unmitigated cruelty. And selfishness.

In a matter this serious you should make sure you give all the information that is causing you to make such a drastic decision. Also notice the highlited area of the first post. I asked if there were other issues.

Are you sure the information you get from "the older children" is accurate? Information from children is sometimes inaccurate.

Now that I understand the other concerns, it helps to see your point of view.

But if the safety of the child is in question you can call CPS. They are required by law to investigate claims of endangered children within 24 hours.

If you discover from them that there is a problem then you can act accordingly.
It could be that the child has more accidents than usual, or the children who told you about this see it as "a lot" when it may not be.

I am not trying to make excuses for the parents if they are abusive or neglectful. Abusive and/or neglectful parents are something that I have 0 tolerance for.

But you should find out about what's going on through the legal channels to set this up .

Without knowing that you had concerns about safety , it made the matter seem like you just decided to get him back because you changed your mind.

But I will not apologize because what I said was what I thought to be in the best interest of the child with the information I was given. The well being of the child always comes first and foremost as far as I care and it always will.