Ask Me Help Desk - Jealous step sister and mother

Jealous step sister and mother

I have so much to say, but let me start by the basic background info. Im 18, my step sister is 16, and my step mom is in her 30's. There has always been a sort of friction between me and the steps. For one, my step sister thinks I'm perfect! Not true, no ones perfect, nice to say that, but not nice when it bothers her so much that she feels like she has to kill herself! NO LIE! BTW... she's kind of emo :/ They way I found out was I came across a file, on the family computer, msn chatting with a good friend of mine. It was a SHOCK when I saw that... she hates me... but I do nothing to her, and at the time I was living with my mom!

My step mom in the other hand, is jealous because my dad pays more attention to me, not her. But you see, she doesn't know english a lot, so my father and her blow up every time they argue... they simply don't understand each other. The reason why he pays more attention to me is because for many reasons: 1. I understand him 2. I'm his daughter 3. I respect him and he respects me. My father and I have a GREAT relationship! So great that he gives me money on the side without telling her! It might sound rude, but he's just looking out for his daughter, and my step mom would throw a fit because she thinks that I shouldn't get money.. Unfair!

My mom had to move to another town because she wasn't doing good financially. I understood, so I stayed [mostly for my boyfriend <3] moved in to the dorms at the local university. When summer came around I moved to my dads house...

My main problem: well... my dad was going to take a vacation up north for his Akido practice.My step mom complains that she never travels and she wants to travel with him there. But He specifically told us that he would be attending the classes more than spending time with us. My step sis goes along with her boyfriend, and I go along with my boyfriend. The first day went well. I was the driver since I knew the way around. Everything just went well. Oh and I forgot to mention, on the way to the town, we pass where my mom lives. I thought it would be a great idea to take the chance to see her and take some bills that have been sent to the previous house.
The following day, my dad had to stay in the akido longer than usual, so my step mom gets mad. She comes up to me saying that we can't stop by my moms house because since my dad doesn't have time for the family, he doesn't have time for me!! REMEMBER, he mentioned that the trip was for Akido! Anyway, I was calm and understanding and I said okay, that fine, I understand.
BUT NO! She blew up in front of the guest, letting all her anger on me! While I was driving! She just mentioned that my mom is using me, and I told her, YOUr daughter would have done the same. If some one had the chance to see their mother, wouldn't you take that chance? And in the back of the car I hear my step sister saying no! WOW! I was thinking to myself, PATHETIC!

How can I deal with someone like this! I have been nice since I've lived here, washing the dishes, planting a garden for them, cleaning their house. I know I didn't deserve this, especially being embarrassed in front of our guest. And its happened before :( my step mom said I abuse my fathers relationship; in front of my boyfriend... Im sorry but all I've been receiving is S*#@ :( my dad agrees, but that lady is too stubborn. What can I do so that she can treat me with respect and understand that I'm my fathers daughter; of course he's going to love me the most because I am his creation.

It sounds like your doing what you can realisticly. The problem is your not HER daughter. And some people never get over that. Also she may have been jealous because she doesn't have the affections that your giving your own mother. Try to bear with it while your under their roof and after you move out then your on your own as far as where you want it to go.
Your house your rules.

Thanks for your advice... my boyfriend tells me to try to talk with her, and not ignore the situation. It might be the best but the information will go in one ear out the other... He cares about the relationship between me and the steps, but I know even if I try to talk to her, it won't work. She's hardheaded..

Is there anything else I could do... I'm staying here for 2 more weeks, then I move to the dorms. But these two weeks are intense so far, mostly because she doesn't like to admit that she's wrong...

Be patient. I do hope he sees her for what she is. Find assurance in the fact you have a wonderful mom and dad.

It won't last... soon you'll be on your own and you won't have to be around her. She's a real jealous person and jealousy is a sign of insecurity. Bless You

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Be patient. I do hope he sees her for what she is. Find assurance in the fact you have a wonderful mom and dad.

It won't last...soon you'll be on your own and you won't have to be around her. She's a real jealous person and jealousy is a sign of insecurity. Bless You

I agree.

You just have to bear with it as best as you can. She is playing mother hen and right now there is a lot of cackling going on. Don't let it get you down nor affect your other relationships.

Good luck and we're here when you need us.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Good luck and we're here when you need us.

Thank you :) its means a lot :) at first I thought it was me not letting her in my life, but I tried in the beginning, but she messed it up because she was jealous

Quote:

Originally Posted by califdadof3

It sounds like your doing what you can realisticly. The problem is your not HER daughter. And some people never get over that. Also she may have been jealous because she doesnt have the affections that your giving your own mother. Try to bear with it while your under thier roof and after you move out then your on your own as far as where you want it to go.
Your house your rules.

Thank you! :D

Standing up for yourself?

Im the type of person that respects adults. Even when they are wrong and embarrass me in front of everyone, ill just stand there taking the hit.

What can I do to stand up for myself without getting all wound up and start a fight?
By the way I'm only 18. I want to learn so that in the future I won't be pushed around.

Well, since you are eighteen, you're an adult now too. Defending yourself is a sticky situation though. A lot of adults will still view you as a child, even though you legally aren't. And let's be honest, most adults probably are more mature than you. You're only eighteen, and the process of mental growth and maturation lasts your entire life.

That said, adults can be wrong. Adults can be mean and verbally abusive. AND they will most often not think they are wrong about it. If you find yourself in one of these situations, the only thing you can do is tell them that you feel uncomfortable. Ask them to stop. It sounds cliché, but it can work. If they refuse, try to remove yourself from the situation. If it's your parents, this might be difficult though.

I think this would be easier if you gave us a little more information. These adults that are putting you down, how do you know them? Are they relatives? Friends of your parents? What do they do to put you down? Do they use flat out insults? Or is it something more inconspicuous?

Above all, it worries me when you say defend yourself. I'm hoping that you mean verbally and not physically. Physical retaliation against another adult can get you into a lot of legal trouble, and that's the last thing you want, trust me.

You're the type of person who can 'take the hit' lots of people can't and get angry and in return a full blown row insues.

Speak to the person after the 'hit' and let them know they hurt your feelings and you feel it was undeserved.

You can be calm and clear headed when saying it.

You could also when they have finished their rant,say in a calm voice that you feel that their anger towards you is unjustified.

Staying calm is the key,breathe slowly,stand as straight as you can.

If its your culture to take the hit and not respond,then perhaps speaking to the person afterwards will be more effective.

Often people when upset or frustrated will lash out as the nearest available person,meaning you get the hit that was meant for someone else.

Know that it is not always you that is in the wrong only your getting the brunt of their frustration.

You are 18 and they are adults so be respectful. After they state their case.. tell them how you feel.

Remain calm, do not use swear words or vulgar language. Be firm and emphatic and always look them straight in the eye and don't lose eye contact.

Be respectful if it is your parents and if the situation is something they do or don't want you to do
Remain calm and ask if you all can talk without yelling and will they please listen to how you feel.

Wish I knew more and I and the others here could give you better advise.

Its my step mom :( she got mad at because I wanted to drop off mail to my moms house. We were in a small vacation, and we happened to pass by where my mom lives. I spoke to my dad earlier about the situation and he said its fine to stop by.
Since my dad went to some program, he had to stay longer than usual... that got my step mom pissed off, so she told me that since my father had no time for the family, he has no time for you... BUT you see, he mentioned specifically that he would be there most of the time... anyway, I said OK that's fine, I understand. But she still blew up, telling me that my mom is using me... but you see, I was the one who wanted to take mail to her, not my mom. Anyway she embarrassed me in front of my boyfriend and my stepsisters boyfriend too.

I hope you understand..

Quote:

Originally Posted by alexpie

its my step mom :( she got mad at because i wanted to drop off mail to my moms house. we were in a small vacation, and we happened to pass by where my mom lives. i spoke to my dad earlier about the situation and he said its fine to stop by.
since my dad went to some program, he had to stay longer than usual... that got my step mom pissed off, so she told me that since my father had no time for the family, he has no time for you... BUT you see, he mentioned specifically that he would be there most of the time... anyways, i said ok thats fine, i understand. but she still blew up, telling me that my mom is using me... but u see, I was the one who wanted to take mail to her, not my mom. anyways she embarrassed me in front of my boyfriend and my stepsisters boyfriend too.

i hope u understand..

I'm going to see if we can combine your threads OK... Keep posting.

Looks like she was mad at your dad,not you.

My advice is to catch her when she's in good form,make her a cup of tea,and then talk to her as if you were talking to a friend.

Ask her how she is?

Ask her is there anything you can do to make her life easier?

Let her talk.

She may apolise to you during the conversation,if so accept it.

If not and she gets caught up in her own problem,just let her talk

Show her you are an adult,and she will treat you as one.

Respect begets respect.

I completely agree with redhed35.

I sounds to me like you need to show her you are a responsible adult, one that is deserving of a little bit of respect. As redhed35 said, that means respecting her too, and probably first.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Deathlywhiterose

I completely agree with redhed35.

I sounds to me like you need to show her you are a responsible adult, one that is deserving of a little bit of respect. As redhed35 said, that means respecting her too, and probably first.

Please read her other thread. By reading the other thread I think Alexpie is doing all she can to get along with this woman. I certainly don't think the step mom is an angel.. quite the opposite. She's a jealous shrew.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Kitkat22

Please read her other thread. By reading the other thread I think Alexpie is doing all she can to get along with this woman. I certainly don't think the step mom is an angel ..quite the opposite. She's a jealous shrew.

Just did. And I agree. She is a jealous shrew. However, that doesn't mean Alexpie shouldn't follow redhed's advice, which is sound. Following the advice may not resolve the situation, but it will at least make it bearable for the time being.

The step mom will probably continue her actions until Alexpie can financially support herself and move out.

Thanks you all :) I wanted to find a way to deal with my step mom, and learn to stand up to her and others.

Quote:

Originally Posted by alexpie

Thanks you all :) i wanted to find a way to deal with my step mom, and learn to stand up to her and others.

You are very welcome. Let us know how it turns out.:)