My boyfriend and I have dated for several months. He asked to be honest with him about my past. I did so, believing he would not judge me,, (as he said he wouldnt). But now he is having issues with it and asks how could I have done such things? I really want to stop talking about it.. but he won't let it go.

Ask him about his past. I'm sure he wasn't celibate. Past is past and if he can't let it go you have problems. Ask him about all the girls he had before he met you.

You need to sit him down and have a serious talk. He's undermining your new relationship and your trust. The point of the talk is that his and your present is more important than your past. Tell him how he's making you feel, and that you want open communication with him but he's making you uncomfortable by continually bringing up the things you discussed in a negative way after saying he wouldn't judge you. It's a good time for you to set some framework in this relationship of what you want and what is not acceptable.

As an aside, a good rule for the future is not to get into detail about past experiences - especially intimate details. You can talk in general terms, and talk about what you learned from them. The point of the talk is to get to know each other better and to learn what is important to each other.

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Originally Posted by moldme

My boyfriend and I have dated for several months. He asked to be honest with him about my past. I did so, believing he would not judge me,,,(as he said he wouldnt). But now he is having issues with it and asks how could I have done such things? I really want to stop talking about it..but he won't let it go.

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I would tell him to grow up and get over it.

I like the way he takes the moral high ground when he's the one that lied and said he wouldn't hold it against you just so you'd spill the beans.

Of course he won't let it go, he sounds like a control freak who likes to play mind games.

Maybe I'm being too harsh. Im in that mood today :)

It was really none of his business, especially if he didn't share his past with you, so don't take any bad behavior from him because he has no right to judge you any way, whether he promised not to or not.

Who does he think he is. I think he is an immature boy, and that's something to keep in mind as you deal with him.

If he cannot let go of your past, what that really means is that he cannot see you in the present and future.

It might be a matter of you being more assertive, rather than allow him to keep continuing to probe into areas of your life where he has no business probing.

The next time he brings up anything associated with your past, tell him it's off limits. He is not entitled to know your past anymore than he's entitled to know how often you have to take care of the hair on your upper lip. It's none of his business unless YOU make it his business.

He's your boyfriend, not your probation officer, shrink, parent, or nosy neighbour.

Stick up for yourself- tell him to back off, and mean it.

He isn't a very secure person.You are not a child. You need to assert yourself and put a stop to this.

Hand him a notepad and pen and ask him to write down the women he's slept with. What bothers me is the fact that he seems to think
It's different for men and women.

There are no rules that say it's OK
That he had sexual encounters before you and it's all right because he's a man. No difference. He has a past.

I know this post is old, so you may (hopefully! ) be out of this relationship by now, but if not, get out! I am married to a man who, when we were dating, I shared my checkered past with. He was actually very understanding and nonjudgemental in the beginning. I actually went through years of therapy and spiritual/religious searching to forgive myself and regain myself esteem. I put my past behind me and do not use that as a measurement of who I am now. But my husband, over the years, continually brings it up when we argue about anything related to me going out with my friends, or guys I know etc. mind you, I am a Christian mom of 3, very dedicated mom and wife; not someone who is going out partying and giving my guy any valid reason to behave this way. My point is when I read your question, I see the same characteristics as my husband had then and has now, because it is inherently who he is. Jealous, control freak, will make excuses for his being judgmental (and state that he's not!), saying hurtful things no matter how many times you tell him the past is past and you've come very far to put it behind you. If he really cares about you, he would not do this. I have been with my guy for 20 years, married for 10 of that. He had an affair and instead of seeing his faults, still throws my past at me. A leopard doesn't change his spots, it will only get worse. We are finally splitting up, I waited a million years for him to follow through on his promises to stop. Don't make my mistake. You are worth more than that. And my piece of advice for the future is don't share your past with anyone; leave it in the past where it belongs! It's nobody's business, not even a future husband's. Good luck!