Ask Me Help Desk - Possibility of us getting back together?

This is long, so bare with me.

So my boyfriend and I just broke up today. We had been together for two months. And if I say so myself, we had a great relationship. We trusted each other, we had good chemistry, made each other laugh, never fought, good communication, etc. My boyfriend was definitely experiencing the pressures/stresses of life. He's in college and had a job with his school but since he wasn't going to be going in the summer, they cut his hours. So he started a 2nd job doing landscaping. First it was just a day or two, then he realized the money was really awesome and started doing it a tad more. So he was already exhausted to even bother to do anything. Usually would work that job, come home and then pass out shortly after. Recently his grandma was getting really sick and that was definitely putting added stress on him since he basically looked at her like a mother (more than his own).

Little things kept breaking on his car so he was finding he had to work more to compensate for having to fix up his car and also wanting to save for a new vehicle. He texted me today and said that his boss at the landscaping job offered him more hours including weekends. We already hadn't seen each other in a week and a half and were supposed to hang out tonight. I told him he can do what he will. He was like, I know, decisions. I told him I'm not going to try and make him feel guilty for wanting to make more money but fact of the matter is we haven't seen each other for a week and a half. He goes, I know, it sucks. So he said he would call me later. I didn't feel it was going to end well.

So he called me and was weighing the pros and cons. He said he didn't feel like he could take on a relationship at this time. I tried to persuade him to stay. I told him that relationships are never easy and you will have bumps in the road. He said he knows, but if it's going to be this hard at this point, it's only going to get harder. And he mentioned that he didn't know when we would be able to see other again, and he just didn't think it would end good. He said the last thing he wanted to do was hurt me or even end our relationship cause I'm a great catch, but at the same time, life as is is stressing him out, and he isn't sure when it's going to start looking up. And it's not fair to me to just be able to text/talk to him on the phone. And he wants to be able to put in his effort too. I mentioned that maybe some time down the road if things do get better, maybe we can get back together. He said he was hoping I'd say that. Cause honestly, there wasn't a single thing wrong with our relationship, which is the most disheartening thing. Usually when people break up it's cause they can't stand the other person, they cheated on them or they are just getting tired of them.

I know people have been in situations like this where the other person started to miss the person that was broken up with and they got back together. I'm just hoping and praying that's what happens with us.

He has other priorities in his life now.

It sucks, but he would rather focus on his future right now, than taking on a relationship.

Maybe things will work out in the future, but don't wait for him.

Move on.

It would seem he isn't ready for a long term relationship, so all you can do now is move on, don't hold out hopes for later on, if he was really into the relationship he would have made time for it. He could have cut his work hours, or something, he didn't want to, sorry if that's harsh its just how it is.

Move on and start enjoying your life, maybe if he hears you're out having a good time he might realise what he's lost, but don't make him the focus of your life, go out live love, enjoy life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by positiveparent

It would seem he isnt ready for a long term relationship, so all you can do now is move on, dont hold out hopes for later on, if he was really into the relationship he would have made time for it. he could have cut his work hours, or something, he didnt want to, sorry if thats harsh its just how it is.

Move on and start enjoying your life, maybe if he hears youre out having a good time he might realise what hes lost, but dont make him the focus of your life, go out live love, enjoy life.

I have to agree. He has different priorities in his life. I'm sorry.:)

I agree with positive. I don't want to sound mean, but every story has at least two sides. It seems great from your perspective, but I would be curious to see his view. No matter how busy you are, if you have something great going, especially given the option of working through the other external factors, one would stay, and preserve that "great" thing. It is very rare for someone to throw a great relationship away because he has to work harder on weekends, especially when you told him you would work with him on this issue. I bet there is something deeper going on. He is unhappy about something major in this relationship that you are not seeing, or he is truly a fool!

True, there could be something I'm not seeing. I've also known people to end relationships cause they are just too stressed out with life. And they feel like the relationship is just adding to that stress. People do handle stress differently. I'm not trying to make excuses for him, but I do think he might be pretty overwhelmed at this point. Though he did create the stress by taking on more hours than he can handle. He is definitely obsessed with making all the money he can right now.

Pretty obvious you were more interested in him than he was in you, and his priorities are different right now.

Don't you hate it when life gets in the way of love? That's the way it works sometimes.

I wouldn't necessarily say I was more interested though I do think he feels getting his life together takes priority over a relationship right now. He said that he never envisioned it turning out like this. It does suck that it has turned out this way but you can't be mad at someone wanting to better their life. If when he has life in order and wants to give it another go, I would consider it. I'm not putting life on hold for him.

So little update, sort of. After we broke up I found out that he had reactivated his profile on the dating site we were on. So it became painfully obvious to me that his excuse was merely just an excuse. He couldn't be a man and come forth with the real reason. At that point (a week after we broke up) I was fuming, so I wanted to give him a piece of my mind. So I sent him a pretty irate letter on Facebook. I don't know if he ever read it, but he deleted me from his Facebook at that point, and the next day or so blocked me. Well, I was looking through my sent mail today and his profile shows up and I'm actually able to click on his profile, which means he unblocked me. Before when I was blocked there was no picture so it appeared his profile didn't exist and there was no link that was clickable.

What's the point in blocking someone on Facebook only to unblock them later? On Facebook you have to go through settings and unblock someone. So I'm not sure why he would block me then decide to unblock me a few weeks later. What's the point? I would think the only point of unblocking me is so he can look at my profile to see what I am up to or if he is going to try and contact me on there. If I wasn't going to talk to someone again, I wouldn't go through the liberty of unblocking them. Or especially if I didn't want to deal with an ex being able to contact me I'd keep them blocked. But it's almost as is he were thinking about me and decided, "Oh, I guess I can unblock her now".

Well, he broke up with you under very feeble excuse of life getting in a way. Lame, but whatever. Then you saw he reactivated his dating profile. At this point, you knew everything you needed to know - to forget all about him and to start moving on.

But no, you contacted him on FB to give him your piece of mind - well, obviously he is a coward, but what did you really accomplish by telling him that? Instead letting him to block you, gracious thing would be to block him yourself and not to bother with his life anymore, you two broken up, he is no longer your concern.

Why did he blocked you/unblocked you is irrelevant. Block him now and delete him and move on to better men and greener pastures.

Good luck.

This reminds me of so many of my guy friends while we were in college and for many years afterwards. They were not ready for serious relationships. Their focus was on school and career. They had the mindset that they wanted to get their degrees, work on their careers, and focus on settling down when they were in their late 20's.

I know several who would date a great girl, but when it got more serious they would back off. They wanted to date, but more casually. They just weren't ready. That doesn't mean there is anything wrong with you. I think a lot of guys just view things differently when they are in college. Now you know he isn't looking for a relationship. Even though you were willing to work with him, he had different priorities.

There are so many nice guys out there. Don't sweat this. Don't even be mad at him - just realize he wasn't ready. He could have been more upfront, but even that unfortunately isn't that unusual. One of my best friends just got engaged to a girl he had dated for 2 months at age 22. He wasn't ready then, but now at 28 he is. That's really rare though. Don't keep your hopes up - go out, have fun in life, and work on your priorities. I think with your attitude there will be lots of men who will appreciate you and be very glad they met you.

I would think at almost 26 he would know what he wanted and/or would be ready to settle down and be with someone. Granted he did get started on the college thing late (he'll just be getting his associates next year). I don't even care what the reason is anymore. I just know that there was some shady behavior involved. I don't get why some guys can't just man up and tell the girl the REAL reason for the breakup. I would.

I don't know that you can put an age limit on readiness. I'm 28 and I'd say about a third to a half of the guys I know who are my age are not ready to settle down. That's especially true of the ones who are not where they want to be yet, whether it be education, career or business wise.

He may not even know the real reason, but at least he talked to you about how he was thinking - which screams to me that he wasn't ready for a relationship now. I know you are hurt by the dating profile. You can be thankful you weren't strung along any further. Now you know and you can move on with your life.

Quote:

Originally Posted by thewhitetieaffair

I would think at almost 26 he would know what he wanted and/or would be ready to settle down and be with someone. Granted he did get started on the college thing late (he'll just be getting his associates next year). I don't even care what the reason is anymore. I just know that there was some shady behavior involved. I don't get why some guys can't just man up and tell the girl the REAL reason for the breakup. I would.

I think I can understand your frustration but I have a perspective on this based upon the guy's point of view. I am a LOT like that in a way. I am a late bloomer with my career and have not held having a serious relationship as a priority for almost 2 years now. I don't see that changing. Some people just do not want to be in a serious relationship, and there is nothing wrong with that.

It is better to be honest and up front this way. I'm 27 and NO WAY am I ready to settle down. There seems to be this generalized age where one is expected to start a serious relationship and have a family. As the years and societal norms have progressed, I find it refreshing that people want to get through school, find a stable job and hopefully take on a career they can be happy with and proud of, before delving into a relationship and ultimately raising children. It is really hard to be happy with someone else when you aren't happy with yourself.