My boyfriend has no sex drive, he has no interest in sex with me anymore and he even told me he doesn't like kissing!
I am 24 and my boyfriend is 34 - he doesn't watch porn he just says he is too tired or couldn't be bothered.
I don't know what to do... I can't sleep and when I try and he refuses I end up crying I just feel so frustrated.
Please help me! None of the usual things work - porn, lingerie toys nothing!
We have been together for 2 years but don't live together.
We talked and he said he has always been like this and it was even a contributing factor to his last relationship ending...

Because this has been going on for longer than you have known him, the only thing I can think of is getting him to see a doctor. Make sure there isn't a medical problem and then other ideas can be tried.

Maybe its time for a new boyfriend, because if that's the way he is then I doubt he changes. Doubt if you will either, so why should you be miserable because of the way he is?

Lots of things can contribute to a lowered drive... and id usually list them... but here... he has waved the white flag and told you "this is how i am... deal with it"...

I am more than glad to try to help out a man who is struggling with performance or drive. There are so many things that can play into this. But here... he is just being a p***y...

Sorry. I reserve words like that for people who tick me off. He ticks me off.

His passive aggressive approach is worrysome... if you stay, well, you knew about his "condition"... so get over it.. . and if you leave, you failed him.

Or... or you have half a clue.

Here's a hint to long term relationship happiness.

You need chased to your satisfaction. Not what he is willing to give after grumbling and pressure. But To Your Satisfaction.

This means you must tell him what you want, be willing to guide him, and be willing to move on iff needed.

A young man with a low drive and/or ED issues... primary research has shown that regular exercise alone can dramatically change his reality.

So...

I hope he buys half a clue.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by jsmithy30

My boyfriend has no sex drive, he has no interest in sex with me anymore and he even told me he doesn't like kissing!
I am 24 and my bf is 34 - he doesn't watch porn he just says he is too tired or couldn't be bothered.
I don't know what to do...i can't sleep and when i try and he refuses i end up crying i just feel so frustrated.
Please help me!! none of the usual things work - porn, lingerie toys nothing!
we have been together for 2 years but don't live together.
we talked and he said he has always been like this and it was even a contributing factor to his last relationship ending...

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It sounds like he has no intentions of even trying to do better.

I think this shows a complete disregard for your feelings and emotional well being. It would cause me to take a very close look at the partner and relationship and determine if I could be OK with no consideration of my feelings.

There is only one answer to that. Hell no!

If you don't even factor in as an issue to consider when this problem was addressed, why would you think it will be any different with other problems?

I would get out of there so fast the dust cloud wouldn't settle for days.

He sounds like a lazy d*ck. Ha he is a lazy d*ck.

I don't think he gets it if his last relationship ended because of it-- you'd think because he loved you he'd have gone to the doctors (assuming he hasn't) and tried to well get his engine roaring again. Not only for you but for himself.

Ahhhh alas there is one thing, there is such thing as asexual people. People who truly and really have no sexual desire whatsoever. It is rare, and he may be one of them. HOWEVER the only way he'd be one of them is that if in the beginning of your relationship there was no sexual touching that he uh started. So think back to when you were dating. Did you make the first moves? Has he ever initiated anything? If not then maybe he is one of these people. However if in fact he is I wouldn't tell him so, because he'd just use that as an excuse-- and well it'd just "justify" his limp d*ck syndrome.

Well so here are your options:
1) take him to the doctors, actually tell him to go to the doctors because this is an issue. If he doesn't then well looks like he doesn't care about you.

2) Talk to him. Tell him how it makes you feel. I mean really feel. You feel frustraded and your at the point that you feel unloved (am I right?).

3) forget the conversation. Forget the guy. Leave him. 2 years meh. You don't want to spend 10 years with mr. butthead being so well.. unaffectionate.


If your planning on spending the rest of your life with him AND becoming celibate. Good luck to you and I hope you discover wine.

Get him to go to the doctors I am not sure if this is so in the USA, but over here in the UK, if he went to the doctors he would be prescribed Viagra, guys can even buy this online, its not going to get to the root of the problem, but it will at least get to the root of his toolage, and have him becoming aroused.

Not the perfect solution maybe but one worth considering. JMO

Quote:

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Originally Posted by mudweiser

If your planning on spending the rest of your life with him AND becoming celibate. Good luck to you and I hope you discover wine.

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muddy
rocks.

seismic shifts.

=)

He has past trouma that prevent him to take interest in sex.consult sychologist but not always nag him it will worsen the situation.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by ahmeia0a

he has past trouma that prevent him to take intrest in sex.consult sychologist but not not always nag him it will worsen the situation.

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Bullsh!t answer.

So... don't press the boy for her needs?

Sorry.

I completely disagree. Her job is to lookoout for herself. Not to walk on eggshells for him.

I'm all for doing the hard and dirty work that it takes to make a lasting relationship, well, last...

But saying he needs help, but don't push it... sorry. Bzzzzz.

It doesn't get easier in time.

Period.

Lasting love demands real focus. It demands you pick yourself up off the mat when you don't feel like it. It makes you face yourself and forces you to make decisions that you own.

There are MANY reasons for a persons sex drive to be low. It is wrong to assume that sexual trauma is The Issue at hand.

Sure... it can be. It can also be at least a dozen other things.

And its spelled psychologist.

...

...

Telling a lover what you need is the best thing ever, no matter the outcome. It is Real Truth. Real Need. Up front and There.

If the lover doesn't get it... they aren't right. Period.

.. . Could be a side effect of medication. Especially those for any mental health issues. I've seen men get downright nasty and defensive about it when their penis stops working or they lose their desire.

It's a very (understandably) touchy issue with some of them. Of course, this is something he should have discussed with anyone he planned on having a relationship with.

I'd be very careful about Viagra (or any other similar product) without a medical checkup. I realize it's available on line, without prescription, but if there's a medical problem, particularly a cardiac problem, there could be very serious side effects.

Judy- had to spread the rep, but you are right. I don't think you can get Viagra without a script here in Canada, and caution is recommended as you said.

A low sex drive, or no sex drive, could be the result of, or caused by many, many things. Because it has been like this for him since before you knew him, does not make it any less significant, nor does it make him less of a man. I don't understand how he can be judged so poorly because he has a problem.

I agree with the information in the article cited below. Male impotence is not solely caused by psychological illness, but rather physical causes that can be treated.

Clinical States associated with impotence

Primary
Impotent since birth

Secondary
Impotence sets in after years of normal sex

.

Causes of Secondary Impotence


Diabetes mellitus
Hypertension (high blood pressure)
Atherosclerosis
Renal (kidney) failure
Heart disease
Neurological disorders - multiple sclerosis, stroke, paraplegia, spinal cord lesions, Parkinsonism, etc.
Injuries - sudden - e.g. pelvic and perineal
Injuries - gradual - as in bicycle-riders etc.
Surgery-operations on bowel, rectum, bladder, rectroperitoneum, spine, urethra, prostate etc.
Local e.g. Peyronie's disease
Medication e.g. drugs administered for duodenal ulcer, hypertension, mental disease etc.

Erectile dysfunction, INDIA, ED, E.D., impotence, diagnosis and treatment by Dr. Sudhakar Krishnamurti, Andromeda Andrology Center, Hyderabad, India.

To Martin- I think that you thinking you can 'cure' him with sex toys etc. is really off the mark, considering he has been this way for a long, long time. Perhaps if you care for this man, you would expect less in the performance department, and instead, try a little harder to understand what else might be going on here, which has nothing to do with you.

Expecting him to perform, and him making up excuses not to, are simply that- excuses. While he probably should have seen a specialist in mens sexual health issues long ago, you expecting to be satisfied by him sexually, will push him further away from getting help, if he is not inclined to go in the first place.

There are problems in any relationship, and a little compassion, mixed with some knowledge, helpful and encouraging possible solutions (starting with a Doctor), may turn this around for him. And if he is returned to normal sexual health, your problem with him will disappear.

It is up to you how much of your time and effort you are willing to invest. Unless otherwise proven, I'd not take this personally, and presume that there is an underlying cause of this problem.

You know, it could be lack of exercise, medicine he is taking or NEEDS to take, erectile dysfunction, it could be a number of things. But it really doesn't matter because this guy doesn't even CARE. If he did, and he KNOWS that this is tearing you apart, then he would go find out what's up. Bottom line. He needs to show you some respect. Or be alone for the rest of his life.

Sex is all part of a healthy relationship. Most guys his age wouldn't even let you sleep. Especially with a ten year age difference.

He told you himself. He is who he is.

He doesn't sound like the one for you.

Good luck.