My 34 year old partner and I have been in an exclusive relationship for five years. The last three years have been via long distance and we see each other about once per month. I recently brought up the issue of eventually living under the same roof, although not necessarily getting married. (Both of us have been married and have reservations.) He says he loves me, but the holdup is that he desires sex with other women and has since he was quite young. He says he is "visual" and wants to see other women naked (in real life vs. via internet porn). I am self-conscious about parading around naked, and even if I did, I don't think it would solve the problem. He has limited experience with women (sexually and otherwise), was married early and for quite a long time but has no children. He is addicted to online computer games and cigarettes and spends all his time working, sleeping, or gaming. Despite his issues, I love him and cannot tolerate the idea of staying together while he takes time to play around sexually with other women, yet he doesn't want us to separate so that both of us can pursue other options, i.e. he says he doesn't want an intimate, emotional relationship with another woman. I personally want an exclusive relationship based on love, intimacy, trust, respect, and equality. I've invested a lot of time in this, Does it sound hopeless?

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Originally Posted by l317k537p

Despite his issues, I love him and cannot tolerate the idea of staying together while he takes time to play around sexually with other women, yet he doesn't want us to separate so that both of us can pursue other options, i.e., he says he doesn't want an intimate, emotional relationship with another woman. I personally want an exclusive relationship based on love, intimacy, trust, respect, and equality. I've invested a lot of time in this, Does it sound hopeless?

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He's trying to have it both ways--you for security, others for thrills. Tell him no can do. All or nothing. My guess is he'll choose nothing because he's more selfish than needy. I know it's hard to accept that somebody you've invested five years into doesn't really care that much, but that's how it sounds based on what you've said. I hope I'm wrong, but you need to find out the truth either way.

If you guys only get together once a month and he tells you he wants to have sex with other women then he is already having sex with other women. Your committed to him, he is committed to himself.

He is a player, he is most likely already having sex with several people at this point, and most likely telling all of them about the same thing.

If after 5 years he is not ready for a commitment of any kind, he will never be, and does not want one.

I would say you have wasted enough of your life on this dog and need to move on with like.

What you want is not hopeless, just hopeless on this jerk

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Originally Posted by l317k537p

My 34 year old partner and I have been in an exclusive relationship for five years. The last three years have been via long distance and we see each other about once per month. I recently brought up the issue of eventually living under the same roof, although not necessarily getting married. (Both of us have been married and have reservations.) He says he loves me, but the holdup is that he desires sex with other women and has since he was quite young. He says he is "visual" and wants to see other women naked (in real life vs. via internet porn). I am self-conscious about parading around naked, and even if I did, I don't think it would solve the problem. He has limited experience with women (sexually and otherwise), was married early and for quite a long time but has no children. He is addicted to online computer games and cigarettes and spends all his time working, sleeping, or gaming. Despite his issues, I love him and cannot tolerate the idea of staying together while he takes time to play around sexually with other women, yet he doesn't want us to separate so that both of us can pursue other options, i.e., he says he doesn't want an intimate, emotional relationship with another woman. I personally want an exclusive relationship based on love, intimacy, trust, respect, and equality. I've invested a lot of time in this, Does it sound hopeless?

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I think you need to kick him to the curve. You deserve a man who wants to be with you and only you. He just not ready for what your looking for. If he loves you he wouldn't say or do things like that. Don't waste your time with someone like that. Go get a better man who will love you and mean it.

Do not play the game. Let them go and change the locks.

Long distance relationship are so hard to maintain, and its down right frustrating to be away from a loved one so much. After 5 years it seems to me a commitment is in order or know the reason why not. I can't say if he has cheated or not but you both had better reevaluate this relationship to see if it is meeting both your needs. It doesn't sound like it.

DROP HIM LIKE A HOT ROCK!!

He's the guy your mother warned you about.

No mo'

You need to let him go have sex with other women by himself, you do not want any disease he may bring home to you!!

Get rid of this guy!!

You deserve better.

Drop this person like a ton of bricks. Leave all the dead weight behind and move forward healthier and happier.

Joe