So I've read through many posts on this similar topic and need a little help myself.

Me and my girlfriend have been dating for 7 months (shes 18 I'm 21). Everything was great up until a week and a half ago when we go into our first two arguements( which we both apologized for and got over) and then after that she said she wanted a break.

To Fill in some background information she is a very independent person and likes to deal with things on her own and she has also been going through a very tought time, she didn't graduate high school due to a health condition involving her heart that start a little over a year ago and she also has lots of problems at home. Her parents are divorced and she lives with her mom and the moms boyfriend (who she can't stand) and her father doesn't act like a father to her.

She had been texting me every night since the start of this break and it was just normal talk so me being confused about everything I went and talked to her about it. I asked what was going because I was confused as things happened so suddenly. She told me she was very stressed out with everything and had things she needed to take care of and she wasn't sure if she wanted to be in any relationship at moment because of everything going on. She felt being in a relationship would just make her more stressed out even though she loves and cares about me. She told me she still wants us to be in each others lives , hang out and then see where things goes she doesn't know maybe well get back together. So I told her how I felt and how I want to still be in her life but would have a hard time especially if she met another guy which she said she understood.

So this morning (we talked last nigh) I texted her and said that after the talk we had I felt like we both love and care for each other more then just friends and that I feel I think its best if we take some time off from each other completely . I also told her that I don't mean this as in dissappearing because I love her and still want to be in here life just no calling or texting for a week or so. She just responded with "Ok Alex"

I need some help , I don't know if I was right or wrong in saying that or what I should do.

I understand I am young and have my whole life in front of me especially since ill be graduating from a great university in a year and I probably will find someone else eventually but I've never met a girl like her and I just don't know what to do

Give her space, from what I went through staying in contact with someone who broke up with you and playing the friend/boyfriend roll will only get you hurt in the end.

The good thing you did was put an end to you being her emotional mop.

She wants out to sort things out,then fine,let her sort things out,but to expect you to hang on in a half chance she may change her mind is not on.

Instead of a week,I would not put a time limit on things.

Its over,you have been demoted to the friends zone,not a good place to be when you have strong feelings.

Make it a clean break,it will hurt,I'm not saying there is an easy fix,but going no contact is the best,and fastest way to recovery.

Your probably thinking,but I don't want to get over her,I love her,the thing is,if she wanted you she would be with you.

She wants to be on her own,then give her that,and let it be the last thing you give her.

Before I joined this forum, I had no idea this break idea was so popular, and so prevalent. I am amazed by the number of relationships that go through this stage of break up instead of a clean break up.

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Originally Posted by lifeistough75

Before I joined this forum, I had no idea this break idea was so popular, and so prevalent. I am amazed by the number of relationships that go through this stage of break up instead of a clean break up.

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Yea its pretty interesting. I think because the whole "break" concept leaves so many questions unanswered, gives false hope, and leaves the person unable to really process their emotions or feelings.

I think you did the right and sensible thing. You should not have put such a short time gap, but you did the right thing.
This is probably it, she likes you as a friend.
Move on. There is another someone out there for you.
I wish you well.

She very well may not want to be in a relationship right now. You can't blame her for that due to everything she is going through.

You did the right thing. Let her sort her life out. I'm sure everything is upside down and sideways for her.. Having to worry about a boyfriend is probably not on her needs list.

The fight probably triggered some type of memory from her parents. She probably wants to avoid that. She may be scared.

Maybe her heart condition is worse.

Whatever the reason, you don't need to be dragged down into that in such a young relationship. Give her space. Give her time. Go live your life, meet new people. If in the future you two talk again, that's fine. But don't plan your life around the "maybes" and "What ifs"

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Originally Posted by CarrotTalker

Yea its pretty interesting. I think because the whole "break" concept leaves so many questions unanswered, gives false hope, and leaves the person unable to really process their emotions or feelings.

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You know, just the other day I was wondering about this too... It seems that every post is about the same thing...

Girl/Boy tells other person they want space.

Other person comes here: "What do I do" "They still want to be friends?"

Its very interesting that so many people use the line, "We need a break/space, I need to sort things out with my life." And they still want to be friends.

I believe that a break/space of any kind = Breaking Up.

From my understanding/readings/relationships, and deep thoughts about this matter I have come up with a reason WHY people use this line in some way or another.

I believe they say this because they are really not breaking up with the person, but are then free to see and date other people. And I believe that once the "break/space" is just a slow process to a breakup.

If I were to put myself into someone's shoes and tell my partner I wanted space/break I believe that the only motives I have are a couple of things...

1) I don't want a relationship with that person because I have met someone else and I want to take that road to see where it leads while still having the other person on the side just in-case things do not work out.

-> This does not seem to work out for the person who wants the space/break because most people are educated enough to know that a space/break is just to have them "on the side" just in-case the other guy/girl does not work out. If you actually think about it people who do go into these breaks/space things--the dumper usually comes back to them in some form or another to try and rekindle their love. (most of the time)

Also, I believe the whole breaking up and "bring friends" is just another way to have back up for that person. Maybe the person does NOT really WANT to be with the person anymore. But I believe that subconsciously it relieves some stress from life knowing that they always have someone on the back burner just in-case anything were to happen...

2) There could also be things such as moving away (long distance relationships), health issues, and personal issues that could arise as to why breaks need to happen...

-> But I always disprove that because I believe that you either want to be with someone or you don't. So I guess reason number two comes down to if they really care, or don't... which would lead right back into reason number 1...

Please, comments and more rational can be posted about this...

She needs a friend, not a lover, and I bet the fact you are at a college, and have your life ahead of you plays into her thoughts very significantly. Its like she faces you leaving her behind eventually. She is insecure with her life right now and you're the only place she can turn.

As long as all you can think of is a romance, you should be very honest a tell her you can't be friends, and its best to let each other heal, especially YOU, and leave each other alone. To do anything else is dishonest on your part, and its hard letting go, but it will be harder later, when the attachment is even stronger after being fed a lot of false hope.

You have been demoted to friend zone and that's not a good place to be because as long as you want more than that from her, you will be a lousy friend. Make the break clean, and bow out gracefully, with some class, dignity, and mutual respect about yourself, and for her.

Decisions, decisions, decisions.

Thanks for all the advice, I kind of messed up after posting this I responded to her text saying that I'm not dissappearing from her life and I'm always here for her. She said "ok". Then later on I told her I loved her and that only 2 weeks ago we were happy and doings things together. She responded with "I thought you didnt want to talk, make up your ing mind" . I told her I'm sorry I'm upset, ill leave her alone now. I haven't made any contact yet and don't plan to until she contacts me even though I told her we would talk in a week. In the mean time I've started running and hitting the punching bag again since I stopped for a few months

Can't figure out how to edit post but the ing in her last text was a vulgar word I'm sure you guys will figure out

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Originally Posted by slobalt12

thanks for all the advice, i kinda messed up after posting this i responded to her text saying that im not dissappearing from her life and im always here for her. She said "ok". Then later on i told her i loved her and that only 2 weeks ago we were happy and doings things together. she responded with "I thought you didnt want to talk, make up your ing mind" . I told her im sorry im upset, ill leave her alone now. I havnt made any contact yet and dont plan to until she contacts me even though i told her we would talk in a week. In the mean time ive started running and hitting the punching bag again since i stopped for a few months

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Running is the best exercise you will ever have, and the best at getting you back into shape. AND it only requires a pair of shoes, and the world to explore. It also is a great de-stress-er.

She wants space. Give it to her.

Are you willing to let her go?

It seems like this all started after the arguments. Was there anything said in those that could have made her change her feelings toward you?

I am also wondering why she responded to you with the "make up your f---ing mind" remark. Kind of harsh, considering she is the "needy" one.

We do see these posts here daily. More times than not, someone is stringing someone else along.

Even though I feel for her problems, and her health concerns, the best thing for you to do is to get out and enjoy yourself while you are young.

These are the "free spirit" years for you. Go make fun memories.

You're putting your life in neutral for her, and that's not very fair is it?

Good luck.

The first arguments started where two times in a row we were supposed to hang out then I didn't hear from her so I told her I kind of felt ditched we argued a little then the next day wee got over it. The second argument occurred 4 days later after she went upstate to spend tonight at this guys house parents house who she is good friends with. I told her I was a uncomfortable with it but wouldn't stop her from going. While she was up there she texted me during the middle of the day then didn't hear from her till the next day. So I told her I thought she would give me call at night or something because I felt I was uncomfortable I never meant for that to start an argument but it did.

And no I don't think she cheated on me we have had talks about that and I trust her completely.

Im going to boston this weekend with some friends and plan to have a good time. After I get back I plan to talk to her last time because I said I would contact her in a week or so. Well see how that goes.

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Originally Posted by slobalt12

The second arguement occured 4 days later after she went upstate to spend tonight at this guys house parents house who she is good friends with. I told her i was a uncomfortable with it but wouldnt stop her from going. While she was up there she texted me during the middle of the day then didnt hear from her till the next day. So i told her i thought she would give me call at night or something because i felt i was uncomfortable i never ment for that to start an arguement but it did.

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I'm sure there are different perspectives on this, but I can see why you would get a little upset about this. It was a situation that made you uncomfortable and she pretty much ignored your feelings about it and didn't do too much to help alleviate your stress about it. Sure, you could be considered a little "insecure" for wanting that, but at the same time, she was disrespectful of your feelings.

I also feel that if the roles were reversed (aka you staying over at a female friends house), she would feel the same.

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Originally Posted by slobalt12

The first arguements started where two times in a row we were supposed to hang out then i didnt hear from her so i told her i kinda felt ditched we argued a little then the next day wee got over it. The second arguement occured 4 days later after she went upstate to spend tonight at this guys house parents house who she is good friends with. I told her i was a uncomfortable with it but wouldnt stop her from going. While she was up there she texted me during the middle of the day then didnt hear from her till the next day. So i told her i thought she would give me call at night or something because i felt i was uncomfortable i never ment for that to start an arguement but it did.

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Seriously? I'm not trying to be like mean or anything. But its kind of hard to respect someone who lets someone walk all over them.

If I was with someone, those action would be unacceptable. And there would be consequences to those actions that my girlfriend does. Although, this would be known, because I would tell her that for every action there is an equal reaction to those actions.

And I have done this to women who think it would be "okay" to spend the night at another man's place.

Now, I'm not saying my girlfriends can't go to parties at a mans house, but if I am not there--there is no way she is going to be sleeping over there. I have offered to pick them up, even late a night. And that does seem to work (for whatever reason why I can't go to the party--works, school, etc)

But honestly... Sleep overs? Are we kids, or adults? Do adults, or immature people have sleep overs? I think you need to rethink your relationship, because it sounds kind of immature.

Anyway: Back to the whole respect thing. You need to make it clear that you do not put up with little kid games. Simply say, "If this is who you are, then so be it. And there will be consequences to your actions."

I have done this, and have disappeared from woman's lives completely without notice. In which case they start showing up at my door step asking what happened, and a simple: I told you what would happen. Now, go live your life, and be who you want to be, because we our obviously not on the same level of maturity, and you don't respect me.

When a man or woman says they need space, basically what they are saying is they no longer want things as they are.
They no longer want you as a lover.
Take it for what it is.
This young lady wants out, she wants space, give it to her and get on with your life.
If she changes her mind later and you're still around good for you both, if she changes her mind and you are with someone else, too bad for her.
But don't sit hem-hawing wondering if she really means what she says. Take her at her word and give her space, leave her alone

Yea man, I'm going through the same thing with my ex at the minute! She want to be on her own because she hasn't really done it before having been a relationship since 16 now 26. She said she loved me broke up but wants to be all chummy and friendly, wants to see me occasionally and I've decided that I'm just going to say "hey you know how I feel, its you who doesn't want to be with me. I don't want to be the one led on and then left alone if you found someone else so id you decide its me you want then take the risk and tell me but im not wait around."
Everything happens for a reason and you do do do get over losing people!