I have always had trouble orgasm unless I do it to myself. I was 15 when I had sex and now I'm 29. I am on anti-depressants for about 5 years now but still before that I couldn't even reach an orgasm.Im so embarrassed to say this but I'm going to, I was caught masturbating by one of my friends and he teased me about it, this was when I was a teen,and I can't seem to get it out of my mind while having sex. Maybe I'm afraid to let go and enjoy it as much as he does, because I don't want to feel embarrassed.im married now and want my husband to know that its not him its me what to do?

It sounds like that "friend" making fun of you as a teen really left a long-term impression and damage to your sexual health.

When you masturbate now, are you able to orgasm?

"enjoy it as much as he does" Who is the "he" you are referring to, your husband, or this friend from when you were a teen?

Have you tried to masturbate in front of your husband? It might help to try that and have him give you supportive words, to help you slowly override embarrassment with confidence.

Yes I masturbate an do have an orgasm but can't seem to do it front of my husband, I was talking about my husband when I mentioned "he"..

The majority of women never orgasm during intercourse. You're in the norm.

Try manual stimulation while you're having sex, or a different position.

I realize you still have that incident from when you were a teen in your head, but teens can be cruel, and uneducated about sex. You're an adult now, with a man that you obviously love, so talk to him about this, tell him you're a bit shy about masturbating in front of him, and see if you two can find a way to work it out.

Just an fyi, most guys find it a real turn on when their partner self stimulates.

Communication is the key to solving most relationship problems. Talking about sex is hard for some to do , but you might take it a bit at time starting with whatever you are comfortable with. And as you become more at ease you should be able to talk about most anything.


Altenweg is correct that most men would love it if their partner got into some self stimulation. So bring the subject up and ask how he feels about it

And show hubby how you like it done "by hand" and let him do it. Or with some toys. Sex is not or should not be just intercourse but an entire event of foreplay and after play

Ask him to join you for mutual masturbation. You could loke with him by making it a contest to see who lasts longer.

This may sound like a strange idea. Have you tried role playing? Maybe trying to keep up a persona might help keep your mind occupied on other things than the past.

Maybe acting out the embarrassing situation with your husband as the 'voyeuristic friend' and a very different ending might help change the thoughts from negative to positive.

Thank you all for your comments, I will take all that into consideration.

One last thing. You're probably not going to just be able to come to bed and masturbate in front of him. You have said that you can't bring yourself to do it. Ramp it up.

For example:
1). Tell him you're masturbating and go into the room and get yourself off. He will know that you're getting off. You will know that he knows.
2). Bring him in the room but get him to ignore you. Sit him in a chair away from you. Or in the bath tube. You in the tub with the shower curtains closed. Get used to someone in the room while you're doing it. Intellectually.
3). Do it in bed under the covers with him the other way. You will get used to him being there visually.
4). Let him watch, but stay under the covers.
5). Put on the show for him.
6). Show him how to do it.
7). Let him do it.

You need to become more sexually comfortable of yourself and yourself with your partner. It seems that you're not really comfortable with him. That will kill off any chance of you getting of..

Once you get to a point where he can get you off, let him penetrate you and get yourself off with a vibrator. My GF tells me that the ballast of the penis in the vagina gives a completely different orgasm than vibrator alone.

Good luck!

Wow I would love try that thanks for the tips,