Ask Me Help Desk - My Girlfriend is asking me for a break after 8 months

We are in a serious relation... I lost my job and I had a financial crisis profile... I stayed jobles for 2 months... she was always next to me... she was fully supporting me.. she loves me a lot.. and I do love her as much as she does... we had a massive number of fights all the time.. but we stayed in love... we were grown ups at the end of each fight... she is existing in each part of my life... in our last fight... (at that week we hgad three fights in 2 days) she blown up with all my mistakes and bad things I've done at me... she asked for a break in an angry way... now its been 7 days... I tried my best to have her attention but I couldn't... she can't even bear with my sound on the phone... she is so full of our fights all these months.I realized all my mistakes in this week and I've decided to change them all just to have her back... I already convinced her with that... but the thing is not about me anymore... its about her feeelings... this is the last message from her after closing the phone in my face because she couldn't bear with my voice even... she sent me yesteday after various tries from my side to contact her... this is the message

"i'm begging u not to call me....can u please understand this...can u understand that i'm trying to save our relationship...i wana understand what u mean for me..coz now i only feel that all fights killed everything in me.. dont even reply to this sms...i wana know what do i feel about u and i need time to do this..now u are for me just a poor guy who doesnt eat and sleep..i dont wana get back to u coz i feel pitty...i wana be with u as before..thts why please take it and leave me for few days..dnt be stubborn"

This is my final reply to her as I decided not to contact her again till she calls back

ur getting more and more far by my presence in ur life..understood..i'm not gonna call u even at the end of ur requested break time...take all the time that u might need..its all in ur hands now..i'm going to live my life as u asked me till u decide.

Guys I totally realized all my mistakes in being nervous and not appreciating what she was doing for me... its just that we are going through a lot in our both personal lives... me and her...

What Do You Think... is she going to be back to me after this "no contact period" or no... I really can't even think but about her.and when I'm telling her this.. she is feeling that I'm a child.

Appreciate women input on this as they are the rulers in this case..

Regards.

I can't tell you what she will do. I can tell you that you need to live your own life and work through your personal issues as she is hers. Make changes in yourself and your life because you want to and they are right for you. Don't try to do it for her or anyone else.

Maybe if she sees that you are respecting her wishes and that you are attempting to change for yourself, she won't turn the break into a break up.

Take time to evaluate the relationship from your perspective and see if it is working for you.

IF you do continue the relationship, sit down and discuss the issues and begin working through them before you get fully involved in the relationship again.

Rtnx a lot for your input... I've been having a medical issues lately... I went to the hospital yesterday and I've done some tests... doctors found out the reason behind my being nervous for no reason and going out of control.. now I'm in need of a surgery or two to fix my medical state... I called her up after I knew and she was blaming me why I have not listened to her in the back days when she was advising me eat and don't eat this... (she is right.. I ddnt listen)... and she told me also on the phone that in the week that she ddnt see me.. she did well at her work.. concentrated... doing well and most important.. she is so relaxed... I offered her to be friends or best friends... she did not like the idea at all... lol.. still confused.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I can't tell you what she will do. I can tell you that you need to live your own life and work through your personal issues as she is hers. Make changes in yourself and your life because you want to and they are right for you. Don't try to do it for her or anyone else.

Maybe if she sees that you are respecting her wishes and that you are attempting to change for yourself, she won't turn the break into a break up.

Take time to evaluate the relationship from your perspective and see if it is working for you.

IF you do continue the relationship, sit down and discuss the issues and begin working through them before you get fully involved in the relationship again.

Ziad, you say in your first post that you would respect her wishes & leave her alone until she decides to contact you. I am sorry to hear about your health problems & I know you are worried, but you shouldn't have called her. You could have just sent her a message as an informational thing and leave it in her hands to call you if she chose to do so.

I know you were hoping she would get worried and come running back to you. Obviously, your plan backfired. You are trying to manipulate her and she knows it. Please, for both your sakes, stop it.

When anyone, man or woman, states they want no contact so they can clear their heads and think things through, we need to respect their wishes. If you insist on continuing to contact her and force her to speak with you, what you fear -- losing her -- will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your persistent disrespect for her wishes will absolutely make her run in the opposite direction. She is telling you that she loves you but she needs some space. So, give her that space! Back off.

If you weaken and are tempted to call her, read these great links that other members have written to help people in your situation:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nc-425290.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

I am glad that you are getting medical help. I hope all goes well for you and you have a quick recovery.

It sounds like she is still upset by the past. Once again, I don't know what she will decide to do, but I think she may be leaning toward a less stressful life that doesn't include you. After she calms down and thinks over what you have told her maybe she will give the relationship more time.

However, you need to take care of yourself. Make sure that you are healthy and have things in place to see you through the surgery and recovery. Prepare as though you know for certain that she isn't going to be involved in any way.

After your medical condition is improved, you will probably need to re-evaluate the relationship and may find that your feelings have changed.

Good luck.

You are right .tnx a lot.. very true.. I just realized that yesterday... anyways.. now I'm ready for anything with her... even a friendship.. all what I wanted is to apoligize for everything and offer her freedom.. but apparently.. she is sticking to her.. "i want a break".. so let it be... I think I'll be a bit careless.. coz I can take all this tough attitudes from her anymore... whatsoever... lets see.

Quote:

Originally Posted by Just_Another_Lemming

ziad, you say in your first post that you would respect her wishes & leave her alone until she decides to contact you. I am sorry to hear about your health problems & I know you are worried, but you shouldn't have called her. You could have just sent her a message as an informational thing and leave it in her hands to call you if she chose to do so.

I know you were hoping she would get worried and come running back to you. Obviously, your plan backfired. You are trying to manipulate her and she knows it. Please, for both your sakes, stop it.

When anyone, man or woman, states they want no contact so they can clear their heads and think things through, we need to respect their wishes. If you insist on continuing to contact her and force her to speak with you, what you fear -- losing her -- will become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Your persistant disrespect for her wishes will absolutely make her run in the opposite direction. She is telling you that she loves you but she needs some space. So, give her that space! Back off.

If you weaken and are tempted to call her, read these great links that other members have written to help people in your situation:

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...qs-332732.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...nc-425290.html

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relati...es-351302.html

Its getting changed from now guys... and I'm really thinking of having a friendship with her... its like I just woke yesterday and I said.. she should be with me in this case no matter how hurt she is.. coz I would... but seems like she is sticking to her angry attitude... anyways.. tnx a lot... I think I'm getting close to have a decision.. the most important thing that I'm not feeling bad anymore... everything is in its place now...

Quote:

Originally Posted by Cat1864

I am glad that you are getting medical help. I hope all goes well for you and you have a quick recovery.

It sounds like she is still upset by the past. Once again, I don't know what she will decide to do, but I think she may be leaning toward a less stressful life that doesn't include you. After she calms down and thinks over what you have told her maybe she will give the relationship more time.

However, you need to take care of yourself. Make sure that you are healthy and have things in place to see you through the surgery and recovery. Prepare as though you know for certain that she isn't going to be involved in any way.

After your medical condition is improved, you will probably need to re-evaluate the relationship and may find that your feelings have changed.

Good luck.

I get the impression that you need her, far more than she needs you.

The continuous arguments the two of you had, that one point alone, is enough to need a break, let alone being the sole support system emotionally and otherwise, for a partner. You wore her out is my opinion. Relied on her too much, and not enough on yourself.

When you knew there were problems (all the arguing), ending the argument, does not erase the problem. Simple things like arguing over who is going to put out the garbage every week, is one thing- you can resolve it with compromise. But, to keep arguing over and over and over without any improvement, changes, or agreements will eventually break down the relationship to a point of one person or the other, needs an exit.

I don't know what you did to correct what you now see as 'faults', while you were with her. Somehow, after she left, you realized what you were doing, and how you were contributing to her feeling the way she does. By ignoring the signs, not addressing your own issues, and not seeking outside help, you run the risk of having any substance in the relationship, disappear.

What you are hoping for (I think) is that after all the things that led up to the point of her leaving, will suddenly turn around to her coming back, and all will be resolved. That won't happen.

She cannot be any more clear that she wishes to have no contact with you. You are not likely to resume what you had, let alone what you had, with improvements. Talk is cheap in other words.

I too wish you a speedy recovery from your medical issues. I hope that you will also reflect on all that has gone wrong in an honest way, and learn from it. If you do that much, history will not repeat itself.

The only decision you have to make is to keep your word, and leave her alone. If you don't you will look like a disrespectful, needy, selfish liar. And that will push her even further away.

Improve yourself, for yourself.