Hi, My wife is 48 we have just had a new granddaughter to our youngest daughter and both our daughters have now left home. My wife's brother has also had cancer who lives in Mexico and my wife has been sorting his pensions out in the Uk. In may my wife just said, I don't love you, I don't want to live with you I want a place of my own? She went balistic on May 3rd, I have never seen her like that before. I have looked at the menopause and perimenopause because of the things that has happened to her this year and also someone else being involved but, I am at a loss now. She is still living with her mother but, she will come out with me for a meal and she is quite happy to come and talk to me at our home but, she just keeps saying the same thing and will not let me get close to her, I can not cuddle or kiss her or even hold her hand she just keeps pulling away. I don't understand it because she keeps wanting to do things for me and as I say does not put up much of a fight to talk to me or go out for a meal together. I feel like She still loves me but its like I have had another women in my life but may I say I haven't. And she can't forgive me but still loves me. Can you give me any advice please, I just want my old wife back.

Personal info deleted

It almost sounds like she is blaming you for something but too insecure to come right out and accuse you. You will have to let her come around to you in her own time. I can't say 'sit down and talk' because you obviously have had the opportunity and tried but it hasn't worked.

Give her space, as much as she needs. I hope it will work out that way.

Tick

The old wife is gone. You've got a new one now. If you don't like the new one change the locks.

Mge, I am sure a number of us will attempt to read your story. It is quite lengthy so responses might not show up immediately. Please be patient with us.

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Originally Posted by Oddboots

The old wife is gone. You've got a new one now. If you don't like the new one change the locks.

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No answer at all

Mge, I just attempted to read through your entire blog. Nothing personal but I now have a massive headache.

You need to find a therapist or counselor in your area. You are extremely distraught and a quick response/suggestion from one of us isn't going to be the magic answer you are looking for. No one can help you get your old wife back if she is unwilling to work through this bumpy patch with you. Right now, it sounds as if she intends on moving on with her life. Maybe she won't but, your chronic insistence that she speak with you and try to work through this apparently hasn't gotten you anywhere with her, has it? It appears it has only made her more resistant to you.

Think back to how you were feeling 3 years ago. You didn't want to come home. Eventually, you caved. Evidently you have had problems in your marriage for quite some time. Whether your wife is merely going through menopause or fears the aging process as she nears 50, isn't the issue here. It really doesn't matter. You need to give her the room and space she needs, AND IS ASKING FOR, right now. You need to find a way to accept this, back off, and work on yourself. You are coming off as a stalker in her eyes. SO, stop this behavior. As I stated earlier, find a therapist or counselor in your area. You need to be able to blow off some steam (talk, cry, yell,. whatever you need to do to get all your frustration out) with someone who is safe and who is able to teach you how to properly manage yourself around your wife. Maybe if your wife sees you attempting to make a change, she might just be willing to talk with you and work things out. If that happens, you can bring her with you to your therapy appointments and you both can learn how to work through your problems in a positive way. If she isn't willing to make your marriage work, then you need to learn how to let her go and move on with your life. A therapist will help you with all of that.

Yes, you are obsessed, ( the blog in itself scares me to the level you are into this)

You need to stop any and all contact,

Get professional help

Take control of your life and stop blamming others

It sounds like you and her both need counseling.

Never, ever, try to take your own life. It's a permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I understand that you are in distress. But first you need to back off and give her time and space.

If it's meant to be then it will.

Good luck to you.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

yes, you are obsessed, ( the blog in itself scares me to the level you are into this)

You need to stop any and all contact,

Get professional help

Take control of your life and stop blamming others

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I totally agree Chuck with what you are saying. The OP goes beyond any help here that we can offer, other then kind words, empty words. OP is in too deep, dug a hole for himself and he has to dig his way out himself. This is the only way his whole mess is going to be straightened out but I don't see how any of it will go away for a long time.

I read the blog; very upsetting.

Tick

Sorry guy, you can't have your wife back. For whatever reason, that ship has sailed and if you had any common sense and wanted to stay out of jail you wouldn't ever go near her again, ever in life.

I couldn't give rep to tal again but yes OP hasn't got options now. It is time to close this phase of his life and go elsewhere. I hope he is still young enough (in mind and body) to go in a different direction now.

The way you're acting is scary to me and I imagine she's very afraid.
Leave the woman alone. She is tired and she's through with you.
Get help