Where to begin...
In June my Friends EX Husband was arrested for Murder, he's awaiting the trial date etc now. My friends car was used by the ex husband to travel to where the victim lived, the body was found in my friends garage, which she no longer used but was allowing the ex to use it to store his work materials in. Since this all came out my friend has received death threats as have 3 of her children all grown up with families, the 3 girls in question have been temporarily relocated, one daughter (the others have a different father) of my friend and the guy charged with the murder is probably going to have to be relocated much further away. For her safety

Now add to the pot the guy who was killed was black, the other one white, the ex husband of my friend was living with the ex wife of the victim, she is white, she had 2 children by the deceased, which were raised by the guy who killed the black guy.

This is turning into a racist hate war when neither the ex wife of the murderer nor the murderer were in anyway shape or form racial prejudice, the murderer was in fact step father to the victims 2 children.

As well as the ex wife's children being threatened my friend is also receiving death threats, she owns her house but has been advised to relocate as well, she doesn't want to leave her home she's recently paid the last installment off it and wants to stay put.

My question is what can my friend and her children do, they're all innocent in the crime, and are being harassed and threatened by the victims relatives who live in the same area or close by. My friend doesn't want to move away, neither do her children really. This is in England by the way. The police are involved and they do have some police protection to a degree, not full time, but police do patrol the area hourly. Her Daughters kids have been picked on at school as well. She's had hate mail sent to her face book account.

She's at her wits end, anyone got any advice Please.

My friend just wants a quiet peaceful way to get on with her life.

This is a tragic situation for all involved. Not only for the victim and his family, but also for your friend and her children.
I'm trying to imagine being in her situation and having to deal with all she and her kids are having to endure.
Personally, I'd think seeking a life of peace and safety for myself and my children elsewhere would win out over staying in my house, even if I'd paid it off. I understand her not wanting to feel like she has to leave her own home and uproot her children, but is the price they're paying by staying worth it?
None of this is her fault. She and her children are innocent victims.
It seems though that staying in her house is far less a privilege now than it is a punishment, because those around her are obviously not going to allow them to live in peace.
As long as they stay where they are, they'll be victimized and targeted. The only way they'll be free from this nightmare is to start over somewhere new. The bullies are winning right now, and who knows how long all of this might go on. They might never get this hatred out of their systems.
At what point does it get too much to bear? If your friend and her kids are near the end of their rope, I would strongly encourage them to move and start their lives anew somewhere else. There's no shame in moving away, if it's the only way to move forward with their lives. So far it's only been threats, but who's to say that one of them will make good on the threats and harm your friend and/or her kids? As long as she stays where she is, she'll constantly have to worry about her safety and that of her kids.
Just my opinion, that moving and starting over somewhere new is by far the lesser of 2 evils, the other being to stay and live in constant fear and intimidation, which is not living at all. There are so many beautiful areas over there, and safe places where they wouldn't have to constantly relive any of this. And the police are there to help them all start anew, so if it were myself, I'd do whatever I could to provide a safe and peaceful life for my family.

I see your point, and also see my friends point her view is she has done nothing wrong, she was just the ex wife of the guy who committed the crime, and his daughter and her daughters ( the other 2 ) were totally innocent of all involvement in the crime.

Ive been at a loss on what to advise her to do, I can see it from her point, and at same time in my opinion like yourself the overall safety of the family must be the highest priority.

What makes me mad in some ways is the murderer although I am a friend of his is languishing away in a police cell unaware of this, she doesn't want to worry him.

At the same time she's at her wits end. Any suggestion for how to put it to her that she should relocate, she's adamant she's got no reasons to move away she's done nothing wrong. Blah Blah...

I can understand this, but when does one step back and say, this isn't working?
She's already had some windows put in by them, and had graffiti daubed on her car and parts of her house.
The police can't do anything unless they catch them in the act.

If your friend is set on staying then she needs to be more diligent about things. Like install a video survielance system and run it 24 hrs. Also I can see her point because at this point she can't just move away because she can't sell the house she is living in. Im not sure how long it takes to go to trial. In the U.S. it can take years. But that is her only chance for peace. And she isn't totally innocent as she did allow him to store things when she shouldn't have. Also she needs to lock her Facebook.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

If your friend is set on staying then she needs to be more diligent about things. Like install a video survielance system and run it 24 hrs. Also I can see her point because at this point she can't just move away because she can't sell the house she is living in. Im not sure how long it takes to go to trial. In the U.S. it can take years. But that is her only chance for peace. And she isnt totally innocent as she did allow him to store things when she shouldnt have. Also she needs to lock her facebook.

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Thank You Califdadof3
I shall pass on your suggestions, neither of us had thought of installing a video surveillence, and yes you are correct she cannot just sell her house overnight and with the state of house sales she would wait a long time to sell because her house is ex local authority a mid terrace at that and they're hardly ever in demand, and the location isn't one that is often desired either. It could be anything up to 2 years before the case goes to trial here.
Again thank you Ill pass your advice on to her.

I have lived in the suburbs such as this woman is in,where we pay and pay till it hurts so much,finally paying off the debt and then a shoe drops.

Pride in finally owning a home is all well and good,but is the safety of herself,much less the kids,worth the pride factor? Perhaps not for us,being on the outside of this.

I would think ANYPLACE other than this one would be better for her and the kids.

I see how the inner city fights grow from a single hate crime to outright mob mentality in short time.If this was to escalate in any way do you really have confidence in the locals to police the problem quick enough?, remember,there are lives at stake.

From the heart I would express your concern for their safety.If that doesn't phase her,the suggestion from califdadof3,surveillance(which is still a passive solution) and perhaps a large dog?(for the more up close and personal attack protection),lights that are on a motion sensor,Signs stating that there is surveillance on property(a sign does deter many potential problems even more than having an actual camera showing:) )

Thanks KBC I agree with you and actually until earlier I had not really considered the actual dangers my friend is facing, the murder victims family or some live in the same area as my friend, and it does seem to be getting more hostile, she has had wreaths laid on her garden with you're next written on cards on them, there was also an incident where some one was seen around by the house, and 2 of her grandsons aged 15 and 20 were at home and they were so frightened they ran upstairs but in their rush forgot to take their mobile phones with them so couldn't call the police or anything, and that could have been very dangerous for both boys.

In fact 2 of her daughters husbands have asked their wives to not go to their mothers my friends home and most certainly if they do at anytime visit her not to take their children. It really is getting quite bad and will get worse as the victim hasn't had a funeral yet, but once the body is released then there will be more danger for them Im sure. I don't live anywhere near them so Ill be well out of it, but I feel my friend needs to re evaluate.

Thanks for your reply.

I think a serious talk is needed with my friend..

I see how the inner city fights grow from a single hate crime to outright mob mentality in short time.If this was to escalate in any way do you really have confidence in the locals to police the problem quick enough?, remember,there are lives at stake.


In response to the above no I don't see the locals being able to police anything that gets out of hand they would probably look the other way. And not want to get involved. I think she has to forget her house, because in truth that could become her prison or her tomb, so in my opinion it would be better she sells the house cheap or at auction and moves and can still have a home, than if she stays and all she's left with is a pile of bricks and a burned out shell of the house she once owned.

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Originally Posted by positiveparent

In response to the above no I dont see the locals being able to police anything that gets out of hand they would probably look the other way. and not want to get involved. I think she has to forget her house, because in truth that could become her prison or her tomb, so in my opinion it would be better she sells the house cheap or at auction and moves and can still have a home, than if she stays and all shes left with is a pile of bricks and a burned out shell of the house she once owned.

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Yes,my point exactly.

I do feel for your friend in not wanting to leave her home. I'd be pissed if I thought I was being forced out of my own home due to circumstances completely beyond my control. None of this was her fault, so I can totally understand her not wanting to feel that she has to move away. However I can't help but think of other people who have gone to great lengths to stay in their homes, but at their own peril, such as those who lived near Mt. St. Helens, and those in the path of an approching hurricane etc. They too had every right to defend their homes and I can undertand the mindset of not letting anyone/anything force me out of my home, but not everything in life is in our control.
Your friend's situation isn't that much different than being in the path of a natural disaster. It's beyond her control and it's coming at her full force. She has police protection, but they can't be there 24/7, and that hasn't been enough to stop the harassment so far.
So she has this opportunity now, before a major disaster strikes, to pack up and move to safer ground.
No mistake, I'd be pissed if I were her, and I wouldn't want to uproot my life because of some a**holes, but in the end, if things turn violent for her or her children and someone gets hurt or worse, she won't be thinking about her house, she'll be wishing she'd gotten out when she had the chance.

As an update my friend has received more threats, so today I went and closed down her Facebook page and changed her settings so no one can access anything anymore so it should stop the threats reaching her in this way. Ive told her to tell the police about these.

2 of her daughters have also been threatened again, and they are being re-relocated out of town.

My friend has finally seen sense and is going to accept relocation.

Ive suggested she puts her house through auction, and accepts the best offer she gets for it, anything is better than nothing, and Ive put it to her what does she want money or safety, she's finally seeing the sense in this too.

I also suggested she gives the garage back to the local authority.

For sure though things are getting very very tense for all concerned.

I had to use some tough love to get it through to her about the safety or the pride of owning her home. She was very determined to stick it out. She didn't seem to see the dangers facing her or her family. I think she does now.

I told her material possessions can be replaced but lives cannot.

Ive also suggested to her that for the time being at least she should refrain from visiting her daughters, because it seems she was followed and that in turn led others to know where they were living. Which now means they are having to be re-reloacted.

This is so sad.

The pathetic losers who can't leave the innocent alone,The cops have got to be able to put an end to some of this, if they are pressed enough,perhaps they'll actually DO THEIR JOBS!

(Yeah,I am on a rant today, people not owning up to their responsibilities)