He proposed and I accepted, after 4yrs of love life we married and now I have a son who is 8 months old... I had my own dreams of my love. Wen he entered my life he hided so many things which was though not so sensitive and serious but which disturbed my expectations.. gave me non acceptance at situations when I revealed certain things. My life with my parents was also not happy. My dad was a drunkard and also died in an accident I was the one supporting my family, with all these depressions he never respected my emotions and my expectations... I used to explain him my dreams and my wishes but he never took any steps to make me happy... like all the birthdays I sit crying due to big disappointments.. he never has a desire of his own.. its all me going behind him be it a movie or even a dinner. I ask and he does.. he never denies... I know he loves me... but he never cares for my feelings... I want him to have desires.. I want him to command me.. cal me out... dream a day out with me... but he never has anything... tis made me go depress at one stage.. plead him and question him whether he lost interest or love in me... arguements.. fights... only tis was our life.. even aftr which we married each other.. now I have a baby.. stil we have the same prob between us... we don have an emotional bonding.. I do have.. but he does not. I went mad I yell I cry I behave lik a psych now and behave harsh when he disappoints me.. I tried to make him understand my feelings and cravings but no use! I don't know what to do!

Take an aspirin and lie down for a while.

Then come back and post your problem in plain English.

So when you were dating, he was loving and caring. He was concerned about your feelings prior to marriage ?

When did it change

Quote:

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Originally Posted by Fr_Chuck

So when you were dating, he was loving and caring. He was concerned about your feelings prior to marriage ?

When did it change

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No never concerned... he will always expect me to be happy wit what he does... never cares about what I expect... never feels for my disappointment!

Quote:

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Originally Posted by wannasmile

No never concerned....he wil always expect me to be happy wit wat he does...never cares abt wat i expect...never feels for my disappointment!

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Does he care about anyone else -- his parents, his siblings, his cousins, his coworkers? Does he have any good friends?

Wannasmile,

I am sorry, but I have read your post several times and still cannot get a clear statement of what you are asking and why.

I am not trying to denigrate you or your problems, I'm just saying I have a great deal of trouble understanding what is going on.

Please bare with me.

If I understand you correctly, prior to getting married you had a troublesome life. The death of your father, the assumption of the caregiver role.

Then your husband enters your life. You are together for four years, then he proposes, you wed and now there is an 8 month old child. Did I get that correct?

To me, happiness comes from within. You cannot rely on someone else to make you happy. As I understand your post, you haven't had the opportunity to feel happy because of life.

There is nothing you can do to go back and rewrite your history. May I suggest that you find something that you enjoy and cultivate that. Then, find the next thing you can enjoy.

I can tell you, honestly, that your child will be a source of pure love and joy. They do not know how to do anything else.

By the way, hunker down and get ready because there there is a ton of stuff that may get in the way of those magic moments.

May I also suggest that you find as many ways to communicate happiness to your child. You clearly were deprived by life. Try to not let this happen to your child.

I wish you the best of your best dreams.

I think there is a communication barrier between u two. Try to communicate better with him and tell him how u wish the things to be. Then also listen to his own thoughts and wishes.

Sorry you are in this place.

Some of this is tied to his neglect.

Some of it is your neglect of yourself.

He cannot make you happy. Nobody can make you happy. It comes from within. It comes from being at peace with yourself... even when hell is raining all around you.

...

Trust me.

I've been in the deepest, darkest place a person can be and survive and somehow still walk this earth...

I know the disappointment of an unattentive lover. I know the heartache of being neglected.

I also know how bad it can be when one does not own ones position... when you let others be the reason for your unhappiness.

So... fine... lets call him an unsensitive j@ckas$... fine. You move.

Meaning you don't get to stay and still complain.

He hid things. You've hidden things. You both have struggled to be transparent, real, and honest.

It happens. Sure did to me, at least.

Your first sentence... he proposed and I accepted... even sounds like pushing all this on him. His fault.

You own your own dreams. I would hope he would support them. But you own them. You are the one person who is responsible for making them reality. With him or without him.

So... again... mixed bag here... partly tied to my own experiences. I've put off my dreams for another... usually that really ends up fugly. I've blamed another for my being stuck. It was my choice... nobody can do to me what I don't let them do to me... at least emotionally... and I've been with a lover who hid and lied and twisted the truth... the truth is, once I knew the truth... the next action was upon me... not her... I own my life.

Doesn't make it easy or simple or quick to pass.

But I think its an incredibly important step to accept your role in your situation.

I made some bad choices in the name of love. Fine. Let it wash away. Own it. Accept it as the truth. And let yourself focus on What Next.

It's a much, much better place to be...

Perhaps you are right Donf but then what to do with a husband who is like that?? Because I can somewhat relate to what she is saying and I can understand the hurt and disappointment she is going through. I am not saying that I am unhappy. But can just relate a little to her situation. I guess a person has to be very strong in order to find happiness from within and by not relying on her own husband...

Can I please remind everyone of the rules. Disagrees are for factually incorrect information only, not for opinion.

Nadia,

Let me clarify for you what I meant by disagreeing with you.

It is an absolute fact, that the poster does not have a husband who is capable or wants to be capable of helping and supporting her. At lease, not at this time.

So, why waste her time trying to force the guy. It will never work.

Something in the current situation has to change. Given that she has needs and expectations, she has to start getting those met.

At this point in time, the only person that she can make change is herself.

I suspect that hubby may change when he sees her more comfortable inside her own skin and he no longer owns how she is going to feel may just force him to change because she is no longer who she was.

Gee, that was an awful lot of changing. I truly hope you can follow my thought track.

Getting it. You are right. And a few good points taken as well.