Ackground:
When this happened I was 15, very drunk, I had a boyfriend (now ex), and "John" was very big, strong, football team etc...

A little over a year ago I was at the usual drunken teenage party, it died down at about 1 am leaving maybe 15 people spending the night. At about midnight my boyfriend said that he had to go and a asked him not to leave me at the party but he really had to go home.
So I went and laid down in a bedroom and a guy (lets call him John) came in and tried to pursue me. Horrified, I left the room and went into a different one with a lock on the door. Thinking I was safe I went back to sleep. Turns out, it was a faulty lock and john came in the bedroom while 3 of his friends held the door shut. (I couldn't tell who the guys were) he once again tried to pursue me but this time I could tell that he was angry. Immediately I knew I was in trouble. I ran to the door only to find out it was being held closed (because it was a sliding glass door the guys saw the whole incident).
I tried to ask john why he was doing this to me but he just got angrier. I thought that if I kept fighting him I would end up severely hurt or even killed. I can't describe the mood in the room, it was like there was a gun to my head. Out of fear of being hurt I decided that if I just let him do what he wanted he would afterward let me go.

In the end he came while I was giving him oral sex, so we never actually had vaginal intercourse. Afterward he let me go and I took a taxi cab home just thankful that I was okay.

I didn't tell anyone because I knew my boyfriend would break up with me, it would become a school scandal, and I just plain didn't want anyone to know. But I'm also just curious about what I could/couldve done legally because I don't think that it counts as actual rape.

I don't need counseling or sympathy I'm a strong person and I've put it past me for the most part

Also please try not to lecture me on teenage drinking/partying. I'm a good kid (class president, good grades, all honors and AP classes)

Anyway thanks in advance

You don't want to be told to go to counselling, you don't want a lecture, you don't want sympathy.

You are a strong person and have put all of this behind you.

Whether "good kids" drink illegally to the point of intoxication is probably up for discussion.

I come from a place of experience - I was raped. It was definitely forced sex and I was cold sober. I thought I was fine, too, for quite a while. Ended up I started having flashbacks.

But I know you don't want to hear that.

Yes, this qualified as a legal assault and you could have gone to the Police and had ALL of the parties who participated arrested.

Is that the question?

I think that you were TERRIFIED and your "self preservation" kicked in and by giving him head you thought you could save yourself from actually being vaginally raped... I don't think that you could take him to court and actually win in a rape charge unfortunately. The court system would twist your act of "felatio" into something I am SURE your worst nightmares can image. You know that you only did what you did out of fear and survival...

As strong as you are you are still mortified and deeply upset by this horrid event. It was a very bad life lesson that you experienced and I'm hoping the last EVER of it's kind. Some people learn things the hard way, I just hope and prey you learned what you needed to so that you never have this kind of vulnerability around boys again.

By the time teens are in grade 8 40% of them have already experimented with alcohol... fact!

Continue to be strong, learn from your mistakes and ALWAYS prepare for your safety and ride home when dealing with a clubing and house parties. If that means stashing cash in your bag for a taxi or having a confirmed ride by a second party (other than a boyfriend.. ). Maybe if your parents are reliable you could count on them (hopefully). Just always be prepared in case.

Also I always tell my teen daughter to stick to a buddy system. So she's never alone without backup.. in case.

Stash cash. Have a backup ride. Buddy system. Call a parent.

Drunk boys are NOT safe. Period.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by california562

but im also just curious about what i could/couldve done legally because i dont think that it counts as actual rape.

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Hello c:

COULD have done?? COULD?? You were raped. You still CAN go to the cops, and I absolutely WOULD. Do NOT let this guy get away with it? What if John kills the next girl he rapes?

excon

Let me so you can cope, don't need counseling and don't see anything wrong with getting very drunk at underage parties and staying there by yourself.

Looks like you don't need any advice you already know everything.

It was rape and should not have happened, but then you should not be doing all the things that lead up to this either.

You call the police ( when it happened) and report it. If your boyfriend really loves you, he would stand by you, if he left, he is a jerk and you are better off without him.

Quote:

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Originally Posted by SweetDee

by the time teens are in grade 8 40% of them have already experimented with alcohol... fact!

continue to be strong, learn from your mistakes and ALWAYS prepare for your safety and ride home when dealing with a clubing and house parties. if that means stashing cash in your bag for a taxi or having a confirmed ride by a second party (other than a bf..). maybe if your parents are reliable you could count on them (hopefully). just always be prepared in case.

also i always tell my teen daughter to stick to a buddy system. so she's never alone without backup..in case.

stash cash. have a backup ride. buddy system. call a parent.

drunk boys are NOT safe. period.

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Please understand that this person still IS a teen. They have no business clubbing or having anything else related to drinking. Its illegal. They are underage. Please read carefully before giving advice and try to remember the OP when giving it.

[QUOTE=Comments on this post
SweetDee agrees : it DOES qualify as legal assault but can she really win with their savvy way of prosecuting.. i just don't have that much faith in the system :(
[/QUOTE]


I know what you are saying BUT it's not about whether she can win, the savvy way of prosecuting (I think you mean the savvy way of defending) - it's about how many other women has or will the attacker(s) do this to before he/they are stopped.

Sometimes you have to put your neck on the line to protect the next person.

And does the OP think for one moment that someone who is aware of this episode hasn't told everyone else in his immediate world?

Hi california562,

I'm not going to lecture you, because you already know everything you've done regarding.. clubs drink etc... was wrong.

However regarding the assault... that without doubt should be reported,you cannot allow a person to put you in fear of your life, forcing a sexual act upon you for their own gratification.

These people are the lowest of the low and deserve a spell in the slammer and everything that entails for rapest.

You say this happened ayear ago, and that you are a strong person , requiring no councilling or even sympathy, you've put it in the past... well I don't think you have.

Your head is still full of the details of that evening,so much so that you needed to post, find out what others feel etc... thats good at least you are talking to somebody.

These people need to be bought to justice not only for what you had to endure but to protect other young girls from animals like these.

This incident I think is playing on your mind, maybe you feel a little guilty, perhaps you feel it was your fault, I think if you report it,in what ever way you feel you can, then you will have protected other girls in the future from going through the same ordeal as yourself.

Get things out in the open, deal with them, put them away for ever and enjoy your life without skeletons in the closet.

SweetDee disagrees : I understand. I don't agree with drinking and sex as a teen. Telling her not to do those things will not stop her, whether it's illegal or not. Teens ARE sexually active. They ARE at parties drinking.. PERIOD.


Please read the rules on posting negative feedback. What was said was true and a fact. So please before giving out more reddies read this.

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/forum-...nes-24951.html

You should have told someone, you can still do it.
What this clown did was sexually assault you as did the weenies that watched.
He needs to be called out for the creep he is. He could have done this to other girls and may still be doing it.

You do need to have some counseling though, this still bothers you whether you realize it or not.

If you want answers you have to listen to what others have to say. Even if you don't like it, or its not what YOU want to believe, we have learned a thing or two since we were 15 and THOUGHT we knew the answers to everything.

Getyting drunk is stupid... its stupid for a 35 year old... and its unbelieveably stupid for a 15 year old. That's WHY the drinking age is what it is. Teens lack the life experience and judgment needed especially when booze is involved. And quite honestly... many adults lack that as well.

And sorry... if you were an angel you wouldn't have been sneeking out to an illegal teenage binge drinking party. Get a bunch of drunk people together and nothing good EVER comes from it. As you have learned.

Did he do something wrong? Most definitely... but the blame isn't 100% his own. You share a portion of it. Doesn't make it right, doesn't excuse it. But if you had asked someone before you ever went, anyone here about the age of 21 would have told you this could happen. Count yourself lucky as it could have ended far worse than it did. You could however still have contracted an STD. So getting tested is recommended.