I was having a discussion with my boyfriend tonight, and I said "how much do you love me?" Just a simple question, that requires a simple, perhaps romantic and adorable answer, such as "more than there are stars in the sky", or whatever. Instead he says "as far as I'm concerned there's only one amount of love!" I said "what do you mean?" and he said "well for now there is. I don't like it when you ask how much because it's not something that changes on a daily basis! it takes time." This kind of upset me, because I view love as it growing every day, and it growing into something beautiful eventually. The way I interpreted his comment was that he only loves at one level... as if he were saying he loves me like he loves his mother, or something like that. I just want to know if he's right, or I'm right, or what. And why he would think that? :confused:

I understand what he means. When you get to a point where you actually "love" someone, its hard to describe because the only real phrase you can use is "i love you". So people start saying things like "i love you more than there are stars in the sky" but when you think about it what does that even mean?

Long story short, he may not be the super cheesy loveydovey kind of guy but it seems like he really does care about you.

your very lucky to have a boyfriend with a brain.

I loved his comment,because it means he has thought about it,he did not give you a random answer or a cheesy answer,because love means something to him.

I would think he meant,he loves YOU. Now and tomorrow,and yesterday.

in order for love to grow,it must change.. for anything to grow,it must change.

Wow. That was a princess sort of question wasn't it?

Love me the way I love you, or else...

If you had to ask, then I would question your love, not his.

In my opinion there's only one real true love and that's unconditional, and that means it's a conscious choice, to love someone exactly as they are for who and what they are, good and bad, warts and all.

That kind of love is the stuff lasting marriages and romances are made of, and its also the love that if you choose it you also accept and know that the person you love doesn't necessarily have to or even want to love you back, it's the same love mothers have for their children.

Then there's the love that's conditional, that's love that says I love you but... I love you if... I love you when... that's not the love that is real, its conditional and love true love is never like that.

That's the same kind of love that isn't classed as the being IN love type. You can Love anyone, But you'll only be IN love with someone you have chosen to be in love with. You can say I Love You to your friends people you work with anyone really, it just means you are fond of them, not actually IN Love with them.

So there are a few kinds of so say love, I still believe always have and always will that there's only one true love, and its always unconditional.

If you're b/f says he loves you leave it at that, you'll never be able to know how much, he's said he's loves you, let that be enough.

Yes it does deepen and grow over time, but it is still the same , love is love or its not love at all. However its roots were based in firm foundations, and it began as unconditional. That type of love is LOVE...

Confused, That's life for you.

I think what he is saying is he loves you, Period! Perhaps you want a flowery tongued romantic, does not sound like he is that, but it does not mean he doesn't love you.
Do you ask him often? If so maybe he meant he loves you the same way he did the last time you asked him.

Would you rather he show it by being true and treating like a nice lady. Or would you rather him say it all the time and treat you badly?

Have to spread the rep homegirl

I agree with your post though. To OP, don't keep asking him how much he loves you or even if he loves you let it be his decision to tell you that, what you're doing is cheapening the whole concept of telling another person you love them, words like I Love You and Sorry are over used far too much and it then lessens their true meaning.

Hell get sick of saying I love You if you make it appear he's duty bound to tell you, its more real and truer if he just says out of the blue I Love You.

Thanks everyone, I appreciate everyone's input, except the princess comment... but I see what you guys are saying. I've learned to just take what he gives me. He says I love you, but he also has his ways of showing that he cares.

He said love isn't something that "changes on a daily basis" -- in other words, love isn't a lot of love one day and not so much the next day and you'd better behave because you might not rate much love today but if you're real good, you might rate a lot of love by tomorrow.

He's saying love isn't something you measure like sugar or chocolate chips. I'm guessing he (correctly) believes love isn't something you keep track of, like "he loved me more yesterday than he does today and last Friday evening he loved me more than I can ever remember."

That's conditional love. It sounds like he's giving you UNconditional love. He sounds like a keeper.

Yes it is unconditional.. he loves you with all your flaws and he will through everything good or bad.

This reminds me of my mom.

I'm the kind of person that says "I love you" to the people I love every single day, multiple times. My mother wasn't.

One day I asked her about it, and this was her response.

The words "I love you" are just that, words. If you say them over and over again, who are you saying them for? Does saying "I love you" mean that you love more than someone that doesn't say the words?

There are many ways to show love, saying "I love you" is the easy way out, showing someone you love them, that's a lot harder, and means so much more.

I cook for you, I clean for you, your hurts are my hurts, you triumphs are mine. When you're sad, I hurt for you. When you're happy, I'm at peace. Everything I do, I do for you. That's love.

God I miss that woman. I wish I could tell her that I finally understand what she meant. :)

Your boyfriend loves you, he just doesn't need to say it all the time, he doesn't need some cheesy line to tell you how he feels. He's with you, I'm sure he does things for you all the time, which is why you love him. He's showing his love, so the words aren't necessary.

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Originally Posted by Altenweg

This reminds me of my mom.

I'm the kind of person that says "I love you" to the people I love every single day, multiple times. My mother wasn't.

One day I asked her about it, and this was her response.

The words "I love you" are just that, words. If you say them over and over again, who are you saying them for? Does saying "I love you" mean that you love more than someone that doesn't say the words?

There are many ways to show love, saying "I love you" is the easy way out, showing someone you love them, that's a lot harder, and means so much more.

I cook for you, I clean for you, your hurts are my hurts, you triumphs are mine. When you're sad, I hurt for you. When you're happy, I'm at peace. Everything I do, I do for you. That's love.

God I miss that woman. I wish I could tell her that I finally understand what she meant. :)

Your boyfriend loves you, he just doesn't need to say it all the time, he doesn't need some cheesy line to tell you how he feels. He's with you, I'm sure he does things for you all the time, which is why you love him. He's showing his love, so the words aren't necessary.

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I would agree with you again... but I've already agreed.:D

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Originally Posted by Kitkat22

I would agree with you again...but I've already agreed.:D

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Thanks Wg... You are a wonder.:)

I have a different kind of love for my husband, than I do for my dog. My love for the dog is unconditional, fun, reliable and we share a lot of valuable quality time together. He doesn't argue with me, and never complains.

My husband, I have a human love for, which involves far, far more than wondering what the quantity of that love is. It just is. Some days I could throw him off a cliff, some days I can't believe how much I love him. Some days I want to slap his mother, some days I am overwhelmed with his presence in my life.

You cannot expect somebody to convince you that you are loved. You are, or you aren't. Him telling you he loves you, does not mean that he does, or doesn't.

Love isin't in the definition. Love is in what you show, do, and bring to the relationship as far as values, commitment, goals, etc, after you are in love.

The good, bad, and the indifferent and ugly of marriage is the day to day part, that you survive, because you love someone.

There is no answer to your question. You love him, and he loves you, and you just have to take his word for it. Keep working on the foundation of love, and build it, nurture it, and enjoy all that it has to offer. Wondering if you will have enough, or the right kind of love, will leave you empty.

I think the "princess comment" was just that. It's one of those, "Do you think I look fat in this?"

You asked him a question expecting a cheesy answer, and yet, he gave you an honest answer. You shouldn't have asked a question when you expected an answer, and it's not fair for you to be upset because he didn't give you the answer you wanted.

As a guy, I'm not the lovey dovey type... and I'm actually not one for dropping the L-bomb very often. My girlfriend, on the other hand, says it so often that I've lost count. When she asks me how much I love her, I have no idea how to answer her, simply because it's not something I could quantify.

One should not try to quantify how much one loves one another, but see it through their actions and behaviors. If he treats you with respect and care, is willing to accept you as a person with your faults, then what more could you wish for?

Hearing your comments and opinions, I really appreciate his comment now. I guess I just was not expecting that answer, but hearing what you guys have said it makes sense now. Thank you!!