My daughter is 11, 12 in December 2010. She has always lived with me and has visited her father weekly and biweekly. She is a responsible girl, (Girl Scouts, first aid training, self deffense classes). He has a live-in girlfriend that our daughter does not get along with. Complains of verbal abuse when her father leaves the house or the room. I have explained the situation to her father who doesn't believe it. Am I required by law to force her to spend time in this environment?. There has never been a legal custody arrangement. She has always lived with me, he pays child support directly to me. I pay medical, dental, optical and life insurance. He is claiming she is to young to be home alone for 3hrs and is using this argument to force her to stay at his home with his girlfriend while I am at work Mon-Fri returning to me on the weekends. I told him no. Can he legally go take her from my home and not give her back?

Were you married at the time the child was born? You need to go to court and get proper visitation set up. Is the child support court ordered?

Since there is no court order awarding primary custody, then yes, he could, keep her. You would then have to go to court and establish custody, visitation AND support. So I would explain that to him. I think he would prefer the current voluntary arrangement to something ordered by the courts.

However, even if there was court ordered visitation, you would have to make your daughter available for visitation but you don't have to force her to go. I would get her a mini recorder. When the girl friend starts in her verbal abuse, just whip it out and start recording.

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Originally Posted by califdadof3

Were you married at the time the child was born? You need to go to court and get proper visitation set up. Is the child support court ordered?

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Never married. Only involvement with the court was through support enforcement when he denied paternity so he could have the state pay for the test. I closed the case per his request after he paid all back child support.. He "doesn't want the court system in his business" which is why the personal arrangement for support was established..

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

Since there is no court order awarding primary custody, then yes, he could, keep her. You would then have to go to court and establish custody, visitation AND support. So I would explain that to him. I think he would prefer the current voluntary arrangement to something ordered by the courts.

However, even if there was court ordered visitation, you would have to make your daughter available for visitation but you don't have to force her to go. I would get her a mini recorder. When the girl friend starts in her verbal abuse, just whip it out and start recording.

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Thank you for your assistance. I will make him aware of that. He deffenitly doesn't want the courts involved. He has too much to lose. Ironiclly there is a raffle at my office today for a Sony IC Voice Activated Recorder! I just bought 25 tickets!

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Originally Posted by stephanieldavis

My daughter is 11, 12 in December 2010.
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She is a responsible girl, (Girl Scouts, first aid training, self deffense classes).
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He is claiming she is to young to be home alone for 3hrs ...

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I suspect a judge would find that a latch-key arrangement like that is OK.

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Originally Posted by stephanieldavis

... Can he legally go take her from my home and not give her back?

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He can't enter your home without your permission, but if, for example, he tells her to join him in the street, and she does, he can get away with that.

Since neither of you have court-awarded custody, whoever has her can keep her.

I had a feeling he would shy away from court involvement. That's why I suggested you tell him, if he tries to hold he will wind up in court.

AK is correct, he can't enter your home. But he can not let her go back from a visitation.

And normally depending on the amount of money he is paying, often the "out of court agreed to amount is a lot less than court ordered, so that is why he may also want not to be in court.
If he is paying less than 20 percent of his pay at least he is getting by very cheap

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

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AK is correct, he can't enter your home. But he can not let her go back from a visitation.

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I assume you mean "need not let her go back".

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Originally Posted by ScottGem

I had a feeling he would shy away from court involvement. That's why I suggested you tell him, if he tries to hold he will wind up in court.

AK is correct, he can't enter your home. But he can not let her go back from a visitation.

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He was required by the support enforcement division to pay $276 per mo in 1998 because I could only tell them what he does for a living (construction). I agreed to $300 per mo. Keep in mind that he works under his brothers private contractor license since he doesn't have one! Nor has he paid taxes in the last few years. I thought to up the support since she is pre teen and prices for insurance has gone up, not to mention her clothing cost! UGH! But, thought he might end up paying LESS since the government doesn't have an accurate accounting for how much HE makes? Any suggestions on that?

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Originally Posted by stephanieldavis

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He was required by the support enforcement division to pay $276 per mo in 1998 because I could only tell them what he does for a living (construction). I agreed to $300 per mo. Keep in mind that he works under his brothers private contractor license since he doesn't have one! Nor has he paid taxes in the last few years. I thought to up the support since she is pre teen and prices for insurance has gone up, not to mention her clothing cost! UGH! but, thought he might end up paying LESS since the government doesn't have an accurate accounting for how much HE makes? Any suggestions on that?

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The courts can look at lifestyle and get an accurate income of a person. It's a proximity of what they are making. Lets say they get ahold of all of his bills and his credit report. On most credit reports it not only shows debt but it shows the reported income from filing for credit. There are many ways to find out.