Hey everyone, I'm having a hard time figuring out if this girl is into me or not.
And if she isn't what to do about it.

So first of all we met at a party right at the exit, so we just had a glimp at each other and that's it. Luckily we got common friends, so we started talking on IM.
Every time we talk it's fun, and she has some clear statements like 'if I were a doctor you should defenatly come see me, my hands would take good care of you ;)'
But on the other hand, she never starts a conversation by herself..
I always have to start talking to her, else she doesn't speak to me.

Now the other day, I was coming close to the place she works, and I tought like "let's jump in and say hi" (wich required some balls to do!)
So I went to the entire building to find her and say hi, I brought her I diet coke cause that's what she loves to drink and it was a very hot day.
She was all like "oooh super sweet you're here blablabla" "we should go have a drink just the 2 of us".
I tought like OK, "score".
She gave me her phonenumber to so we could settle a date.
But when I sent her an sms to ask "hey there, how was your day at work? x"
She didn't answer at all..

Is she playing hard to get, or is she just not into me?

What would you guys recommend to do?

Call her instead of text.

If she wanted to see you, she will find a way.

If she doesn't, then there's nothing you can do to force her to see you. In which case you move on.

I agree with "I wish" Call the girl and talk to her. What's the big deal? Just ask her out already.

Stop playing the guessing game.

I don't want to force it.
I've been called pushy in the past.
But you guys might be right.
I'll keep this thread up :)

Thanks

Call her. But don't overdue it or expect instant results either. That's why people date, to get to know each other. Relax, let it work, the way it works, in its own time.

Talaniman Rule-Never put all your eggs in a strangers basket. Save some for your own basket.

Hey everyone,

I am having an other thread about a girl I met, but I want to ask you guys a question for prevention.

In my previous relationships there is like a pattern that comes back.

First no problems ofc, all good, lots of seeing each-other, lots of sex, lots of fun.
After some time, I feel like I have to do all the work, she doesn't call or text me first. If I don't call her, I end up not hearing her for like 2 days then she comes back all angry that I didn't call.
I defend myself and it ends up in fights.
She doesn't even ask to see me, even tough I am sweet and give her attention but not in overflow, like 3 texts/day.
She spends lots of time with her friends but doesn't have time for me.
And that's the part where I start to be jealous and it ends up in other fights, I start to get stubborn so I don't text, call or ask her out either.
So then when she asks how come she doesn't hear me I say like well if you don't want to see me there is no reason I should talk to you.
With fights fights and a breakup as a result.

I've had exactly the same pattern 3 times, yet I still don't understand what I'm doing wrong.

I see all those girls who are crazy about their jerk BF, I always try to treat her as a princess and I end up losing her because she has better things to do, and I can't take that.

As I said, I've met a new girl and the reason I post this is because I really don't want to fall in the same pattern again.

Thanks

The next time your talking to her,bring up the subject of calling texting,explain that in the past there never seemed to be a happy medium,either too much or too little.

Let her know if you send a text you don't expect a reply straight away,as I'm sure she's busy.

Don't crash her phone with texts and voice messages,find out from her what she thinks is the right amount of contact.

Actually you don't even have to mention the past,just bring it up casually.

Going slow getting to know someone can take a little practice when your used to contact all the time.

view this as a grown up dating,two people with full lives who need to contact each other to arrange a date,your not married,nor engaged, nor need to discuss the mortgage repayments.

Its supposed to be fun,easy,not head wreaking.

Talk to her.

How do you act in a relationship when your GF does not make any efforts.

She doesn't call or text until you do.
She never asks to see you
When you do ask, she doesn't have time, but has time to hang out with her friends.

When you do the same she gets pissed off and says you don't give a sh*t about her

Thanks

Sounds more like you haven't found a girl who is compatible with you. If you're not on the same page, then why force a relationship?

Find someone who you can be happy with. No someone where you feel as though the relationship is forced.

How do you do this? By getting to know more people. Take the time to get to know someone before you become romantically involved. Sounds more like you rush into relationship without really knowing the person very well in the first place.

I called her on her cellphone but it was the answering machine. So I left a message.

We'll see from here

I think we confuse dating, and a relationship. Dating is having fun getting to know each other before you commit to exclusive dating. Relationships start with the exclusive dating to see how things go with mutual understanding, and defining the boundaries of good behavior.

If you take your time and really get to know someone, before the sex stuff, (6 months at least before you make being exclusive a mutual commitment) then I think you have a better handle on what this stranger is about because sex/lust makes for some strong emotional bonding, and leads to some very high expectations of your new partner.

The bottom line is too much, too fast, crash and burn, because after the love/sex feelings wear off, what's left?? At least give yourself time to see if its lust, or something else.

Most times when the lust wears off, and reality sets in, people find out things they have overlooked, and can't even talk about issues, let alone resolve them through working together.

So we have conflicts, and break ups.

So we had the drink together,
It was awesome.
Thanks to what all you guys said, I think I was able to remain calm and just relax and be myself, so super thanks for that.

We had so much fun, super laughs etc.. She nearly cried from laughing.
I noticed she touched my arm several times, looked in each-others eyes (good sign?) and I could feel a tension building up, but I didn't give in as it is considered bad here to do something on a first date..

But then comes the part I can't understand, she texted me like "are you safe and sane at home blablabla" wich I answered. But from there on, no sign of life again for like a week..

Am I just thinking too much? Is she playing hard to get?

I would call and find out. Why not? What was she supposed to run after you or something? Arrange another date.

Ok so for the update..
We went out together several times and we were growing closer and closer..
She called me several times, I called her. We are texting etc. etc.

Yesterday we went out with our friends to the same place.
We danced together and had a lot of fun,

Then I took her outside to kind of make my move.

She was laughing and holding me but when I tried to kiss her she turned her head.

Then she says 'The timing is not right'

We start having a little conversation.. she's single so am I.
She is into me (she said so and behaved so).
But for some reason 'the time is not right', she's been single for about a year now.
She told me she wants to enjoy the life of being 'single'.

I kind of dropped the ball and said 'well the timing isn't going to be right for me forever' and we went back inside and danced.

I saw her today at lunch and we talked and again she said how much she liked me and we were laughing and laughing and having great fun together.
Then I started thinking 'oh god there is the friendzone'
And we started talking in that direction of 'friends'
Wich she didn't like..

She said word for word 'I am really interested in you but the timing is not right.. I'm not looking for a relationship'

So I guess I'll just drop it all?

Thanks in advance

The one thing I learned long ago was that not every female will want what you want, when you want it, and that there is nothing wrong with being in the friendzone. Hey you enjoyed the dates, but now you can be friends and date someone else.

The one thing that is wrong with the friendzone is that once you're in you never get out..