Sooo I've been with this girl for 9 years... well 5 years on and 4 years off... we recently got back together and everything was going good... until she started asking me questions about who I slept with the time we wasn't together and all that stuff... n she found out I slept with this guy that she didn't care too much for... everything just went sour after that... a week later we found out she was going overseas to play basketball and we talked and talked but she made it clear that she doesn't trust me... shes been gone for about 2mths now and its like her attitude towards me is up and down... one week she loves me and wants to be with me then the next she doesn't trust me and just wants to be friends and today she told me that she can do what she want... hmmm but she trips if she 'thinks' I did something... I told her I love her and she told me she didn't feel like telling me it back... but yet she tells me she wants me to come there and stay with her until she leaves to come back to the US... im 23 and she will be 23 soon... I don't know what to think or do anymore... I love this girl with all my heart and she knows it and its like every time we are doing good and working on us... she puts up a wall...

Sounds like her maturity level is below yours, that's why she can't handle the relationship issues. Just because you are both 23 doesn't mean you think and feel alike.

You don't appear needy. Usually that is just cause for the other party to think that they can walk all over you because you will always be there for them.

Put up your own wall and call her bluff. Just don't be there for her, take a break. She won't run away.

As for the trust issue, goes right back to maturity level and you will have to play that one by ear. No sense in trying to tell her you didn't, she will come back with 'you did'. Its

Tick

Wow... you sound like other people... I can tell her maturity level is below mine... no no I'm not needy at all... I know this girl like the back on my hand... I can tell when something is bothering her or anything and when I feel something is bothering her I l

What am I to do when I don't know if this person is in love with me... when she tells me one day she loves me and wants to be with me then the next she doesn't trust me and she don't know what she wants to do... do I need to let go?

Its obvious to see why this relationship has been off and on for so long because there are to many unresolved issues and neither of you can convince the other that everything is okay.

Seems more on her side than yours, and until SHE can trust, the off again will be holding you back.

If she can't trust her partner, she will be a lousy partner, and nothing will be resolved by this insecure, immature, female.

Come on she isn't yet ready for an adult relationship, and needs to grow up. Amazing how your willing to wait for that to happen. Good luck with that.

Yeah we were together for the first 5 years and was friends for 4yrs after and we just got back talking on that level... she use to tell me erything about the girls she talks to and what's going on and just everything and sense I didn't tell her about t

https://www.askmehelpdesk.com/relationships/no-chat-speak-no-text-talk-303157.html


If you have the option of changing back to the old skin, which is at the very top of the page in a yellow band, then you can have a complete input to this thread.

No need to start a new thread about the same thing because that's really as confusing as chat/text.

Hi tee, don't ask for advice if you aren't willing to hear everything others have to offer. I hate disagrees where the poster doesn't explain why they are disagreeing. Maybe you can enlighten me on what part of my reply you didn't like. Tal was kind enough to give me a balancer on that one. He basically said the same as I.

Oh no no I liked your reply I'm sorry ididnt realize what those arrows was I'm new to the site so I was just clicking them I wasn't disagreeing to your advice... im sorry if you thought I was... I thought it was arrows that move the screen up and down... so again I apologiize

Quote:

---

Originally Posted by tee22

oh no no i liked ur reply im sorry ididnt realize what those arrows was im new to the site so i was just clicking them i wasnt disagreeing to your advice...im sorry if you thought i was...i thought it was arrows that move the screen up and down...so again i apologiize

---

Thanks so much tee. Others have been confused by those arrows too.

Tick

No problem and again sorry.. :)

So my ex said this to me and I don't know what to say or do...

I love you and I will always love you... but aprat of me is at that stage where I don't get why you keep trying to be inspector gadget with me... and apart of me is like yeah I want to be with her but I don't... id do anything for you just as well as you will do anything for me... right now I just to lay low and just be cool with people that mean the most to me... particularly you... if I can trust you again you will be my number 1... but right now I can't trust you... only thing I can go by is what you tell me on Yahoo or skype which is coo but at the same time its like we wasn't even dating and you went around doing some bs... yes I know that was the past and I can't hold a grudge with you for that long... but its like if you suppose to be in love with me and do this and that for me I don't get why
You going around and telling people this or telling people that or just trying to find info out about me... we adults now and if you came to me and asked me a question I will answer you... why should I hide or lie about it... but I was mad yesterday because you texted me right before my game talking some bs... don't do that... OK you said you didn't know all right fine... but where does the past come into place... you done it in high school and now you doing it in college... I don't understand what else you want from me... if you really wanted to be with me and blah blah blah then why do you keep making mistakes for no reason... I don't care if you go through my fone I don't have nutin to hide... but siince you did that I will continue to have my guard up... you know a lot of people ask me why do I still talk to you and I tell them I don't know and some I say she coo... but like looking back when I tell you ima get back with you you go and pull some bs out yo sleeve... and its like if this girl really was tryna be with me why is she being sneaky... buying stuff for people is coo but you isn't got to lie about it... I buy stuff for people too but when you like someone who you know ima be mad about then why should I trust you... you suppose to be the MAIN person I can trust but you've been the main person that stabbed me in the back... and for what... you can't say I didn't give you attention because we saw each other almost everyday and id come stay with you... but I don't understand why you do it... when I was about to graduate I wasn't sleeping with nobody I was just talking to people not even on a dating level because I knew but I want you in my life but at the same time its like I can't tell you nothing because you go and find out background info about the person or just little stuff like that... a friend, a girl, a soul mate wouldn't do that... so obvoiusly you don't trust me which is coo but if you don't trust me why do you want to be with me... and if you do trust me then why you going behind my back doing stuff... like you said you keep it real with me and I will keep it real with you... I know you don't deserve how I treat you sometimes but damnit sometimes you piss me off to the point where I just back fire and just spit whatever I feel at the moment... I don't like hurting you because I kow me not datin you is hurting you but that's not what my heart wants... right now my heart and mind isn't ready to settle down period with someone... I just want to be coo with the people who close to be and the people who isn't for me will eventually get out my life... I don't want you to be that person but you making yoself become that person... like I said I have some trust for you but relationship wise I don't... that's part of the reason I don't tell you stuff because right now my heart can't trust you at the moment... that's all!!

And what she's referring to my 'inspector gadget stuff' is because we basically have the same friends so people come to me and tell me stuff and I ask her about it... but she thinks sense people tell me things that I try and find it out for myself... this always happen when we were in high school and all... and when she said telling people this and that she is referring to us dating... we wasn't together but she was living with me and we were doing stuff couples do and we were around each other 24/7... and when one of our new friends asked if we were together I said yeah... and that caused a lot of drama for no reason..

I think you better accept you are in the off part of an on/off relationship. Like make up to break up. Leave and come back after the emotional dust settles.

You both have created so much baggage and resentments that after a while the little things that aggravate you about the other gets overwhelming, and the switch goes off, and when time goes by, it comes on again.

You both could stand developing coping skills, to at least learn proper communications, and better behavior. Your bodies may have bonded, but your natures have not, nor are they fully developed, or mature enough to resolve issues instead of burying it.

Thanks...

Then again she wants me to come see her overseas and stay with her until she comes back here...